The Best Route Names

"Fuck 'em, They're All Posers Anyway" on Pico de Norte, Bolivia. 

All the best route names have been redacted by now. Prove me wrong. 

Jacob Millerwrote:

I always enjoyed "Four Shower Tokens, a Guinness, and My Girl" in the red.

Well now there needs to be a “Four Shower Tokens, a Fudge Dragon, and a Mystery”. 

Claudine Longetwrote:

All the best route names have been redacted by now. Prove me wrong. 

https://www.thelily.com/climbing-routes-are-riddled-with-racist-and-misogynistic-names-meet-the-people-trying-to-change-it-all/

Allen Sandersonwrote:

https://www.thelily.com/climbing-routes-are-riddled-with-racist-and-misogynistic-names-meet-the-people-trying-to-change-it-all/

I am not allowed to criticize Critical Theory here, so I won't. 

Armed Dangerous And Off My Medication is a great name and a great route. Hopefully it has not been redacted..... 

Welp, I'd say the majority of this thread has not aged well....

curtis mayfield pusherman

A special sub-category of puns are route names incorporating a well-known public figure. Three good examples are:

• Mickey Mantle (17 routes)
• Bridge-It Bardot (2 routes)
• Earnest (or Earnest) Stemmingway (4 routes)

The retreading of these classic names though on multiple routes is poor style.

Edit to add two years later:

* Bob Gnarly (Dolores River Canyon in SW Colorado)

Magical Chrome-Plated Semiautomatic Enema Syringe

https://www.mountainproject.com/route/105751876/magical-chrome-plated-semi-automatic-enema-syringe

Sprayloard Overstokerwrote:

Welp, I'd say the majority of this thread has not aged well....

Most of those are already redacted.

EPC GOLD:
Two Pumped Chump, Jugallo, Boltergeist, Pacheco Poder

Edit to add one I've been on and forgot: Monica Lewinsky's Crack

Jessica Lackeywrote:

Edit to add one I've been on and forgot: Monica Lewinsky's Crack

She had a FA?! WOW, didn't know she climbed... rock

pspoutz Spoutzwrote: "To Bolt or Not to Be." It is Shakespearian, lyrical, a statement about climb itself, and a much broader statement about the future of (sport) climbing. Gets my vote.

I just had a thought and decided to look it up: To Be or Not to Be (5.12a) was climbed in 1983, three years before To Bolt or Not To Be (5.14a), which was FAed in 1986. The former is certainly X-rated, while the latter would be X except that it was bolted. Both hard climbs in their own way--the technical difficulty of To Bolt is certainly harder, but I don't think anyone could look down on the boldness of To Be, which is essentially a 5.12 free solo.

I'm a bit disappointed To Be wasn't the later climb--it would be sort of badass if it were named as a response to To Bolt, as a statement of old-school ethics flying in the face of new-school grades. But alas it was not... to be.

I’m missing something, what was bad about the CS Concerto name?   Why would that be redacted?

Kevin Mokracekwrote:

I’m missing something, what was bad about the CS Concerto name?   Why would that be redacted?

If you are one of the cool kids you know what "CS" stands for and feel kinda dirty.

the nose in a day - j tree

Mateo San Pedrowrote: TABDITO

yeahhhhh take a big dump in the ocean!

Kevin Mokracekwrote:

I’m missing something, what was bad about the CS Concerto name?   Why would that be redacted?

CS=C*ck S*ck*r

I suppose at this point we need to include “Two Bolts or Not to Be.”