The Best Route Names

Original Post
Fritz N. · Jun 8, 2016 · Durango, CO · Joined Mar 2012 · Points: 50
A good route name can add a star to the quality of the route, so they say. I'm inclined to agree.

(Yes, bad route names are bad. If you feel like perpetrating necrophiliac equestrian abuse regarding the topic of route censorship, kindly lend your opinions to threads that have already gone there).

What are some of the best names you've come across? Some categories for starters:

Literary References:
- Farewell to Arms (Gunks, Hemingway)
- Apes of Wrath (Durango, Steinbeck)
- Climb and Punishment (at least six crags, Dostoevsky)

- Astro Dog (Black Canyon. FA party found a pooch corpse at the base of the South Rim tourist overlook)
- Boogie til you [Poop] (Squamish. Climber discovers miracle cure for constipation).

General Badassery:
- Finger of Fate (Fishers)
- Epinephrine (Red Rocks)
- Jumar of Flesh (J-Tree)
- Pervertical Sanctuary (Diamond)

MrZ · Jun 8, 2016 · Colorado · Joined Dec 2010 · Points: 10
Pick a page in the Ten Sleep guidebook, read any route name, write down here.

Personal Fave: The Zen and Art of Masturbation in the RRG

plantmandan · Jun 8, 2016 · Brighton, CO · Joined Sep 2010 · Points: 0
The Dentist's Chair, Vedauwoo

Nick Ducker · Jun 8, 2016 · Unknown Hometown · Joined Apr 2013 · Points: 0
Shut The Fuck Up, Ten Sleep

simplyput · Jun 8, 2016 · Unknown Hometown · Joined Nov 2013 · Points: 0
Save Planet, Kill Yourself; Geyikbairi, Turkey

Henry Holub · Jun 8, 2016 · Altus, Ok · Joined Nov 2015 · Points: 410
Wichita Wildlife Refuge has one named Wiffle Dick. I laugh every time I hit that page in the guidebook.

Jason Todd · Jun 8, 2016 · Cody, WY · Joined Apr 2012 · Points: 608
Literary Reference-
-Summer of our Discount Tent (Bridgers, MT)

Historical Reference
-Buster Cattlefield (Devils Tower, WY)

General Badassery
-Bitch Muscle (Story Range, WY)
-Billie Bear Cranks the Rad (Devils Tower, WY)
-Blotter is my Spotter (Devils Tower, WY)
-Dead Children's Glee Club (Spire Rock, MT)
-Spotted Owl Sandwich (Southfork, WY)

Garrett R. · Jun 8, 2016 · Colorado · Joined Oct 2008 · Points: 35
My favorite out of the Creek is "Full Moon, Good Drugs"

And yes, Tensleep elevates the standards for route names.

Lee Green · Jun 8, 2016 · Edmonton, Alberta · Joined Nov 2011 · Points: 50
Literary References and Backstory - "Goats in the Machine" (Hidden Valley, Jasper National Park, Alberta)

Ben Stabley · Jun 9, 2016 · Portland, OR · Joined Sep 2014 · Points: 88
Epinephrine at Red Rocks has a backstory. From Handren's guide, story written by Joanne Urioste, one of the FAs:

Suddenly, Jorge [Urioste] was yelling down to me that he was having trouble breathing, that an insect bite was causing an allergic reaction. Systematically, I lowered him and we rappelled the 1000-plus feet to the ground. I peered into his throat, which was now mostly blocked by a tongue swollen to triple its normal size. With no possibility of rescue, we continued hiking slowly to the truck, our only viable possibility. By the time Jorge arrived at the ER in Vegas, he could hardly breathe. He could have collapsed in the desert and died. A shot of epinephrine quickly stopped that swelling and soon our worries were over. That night we hiked back to our camp in Black Velvet Canyon, by moonlight. The next day at 12:45 PM we were jugging the fixed lines to finish the pitch. The name for this route had to be "Epinephrine"!

eli poss · Jun 9, 2016 · Durango, Co · Joined May 2014 · Points: 136
Nice Jugs, Durango Few if any jugs on the route but the FA had some massive knockers

Rookie Hook, Durango FA took a pretty big whip while drilling after blowing a hook

Crash Position, T-wall Climb this route and you will understand. Especially if you're a budding 5.9+ leader.

Markuso · Jun 9, 2016 · Fernie · Joined Jan 2016 · Points: 60
Backstory: The Professor Falls (Banff ice climb). The falls aren't named Professor Falls, but is named for a professor who took a fall on the first ascent of the route.

Nick Goldsmith · Jun 9, 2016 · Pomfret VT · Joined Aug 2009 · Points: 15
Armed dangerous and off my medication, Rumny.
We put up a few at Deer Leap Vt. that are a neat theam with a good back story.
Wild Woman
Full Monty
Lick Tickel and a Spank

climber pat · Jun 9, 2016 · Las Cruces, NM · Joined Feb 2006 · Points: 185
"Science Friction"

"The hardest climb in the world" because we wanted to say we climbed the hardest climb in the world.

Jim Corbett · Jun 9, 2016 · Unknown Hometown · Joined Sep 2008 · Points: 10
'Float Like a Butterfly, Land Like a Tomato',Lake Willoughby.

I like a bunch of mine, most of them pretty profane, but especially

'T'Arete's Syndrome', a sharp 11+ arete at Burnett Point, TN that requires extreme body tension the entire way to avoid barn dooring off, and everyone who has ever been on it blurts "F**k, f**k, f**k" the whole way.

Mike Hazard · Jun 9, 2016 · Unknown Hometown · Joined Mar 2015 · Points: 90
Out of all the ones mentioned so far I think Blotter is my Spotter is my personal favorite. Looks like a wild ride too.

Ryan Nevius · Jun 9, 2016 · Estes Park, Colorado · Joined Dec 2010 · Points: 824
In the Owen's River Gorge, there's a route with the following name:

You have been nothing but trouble since the day I laid eyes on you; You’'re like a thorn in my side; I don'’t know from one day to the next what stupid lame brain stunt you’'re gonna pull; Now get out of here, get out of my office, get out of my life, once and for all get out, out, out!

Theriault · Jun 9, 2016 · Quebec, Quebec · Joined Apr 2011 · Points: 168
Ride a Cock Horse, NB Canada

Theriault · Jun 9, 2016 · Quebec, Quebec · Joined Apr 2011 · Points: 168
also, good little story, old aid route Called "Vagina", name changed to "J'ai Volé ta Blonde" when it got freed

NB Canada

Mike Knight · Jun 9, 2016 · Canton, Mi · Joined Dec 2013 · Points: 0
Passport To Insanity - The Grampians, Australia

Seth Jones · Jun 9, 2016 · New Lenox, IL · Joined Feb 2015 · Points: 5
Tomb of the Unknown Homo - Devils Lake

There are a ton of great ones from the Extremists Guide.

Guideline #1: Don't be a jerk.

Post a Reply

Log In to Reply