Dirtbag Vehicle Ranking

I lived in my 1994 Taurus SHO for a few months. Not by choice, I was indeed homeless, but I also rock climbed... So that's like, romantic. So I'm gonna say a 1994 ford Taurus SHO. It'll get you where you need to be, albeit with some speeding tickets. 

I would like to propose some different criteria for a dirt bag vehicle.

1-You can not have bought the vehicle in a real sale.  You may have inherited it, or been given it, or, perhaps best, traded for it in some way. 

2-Something has to be fundamentally broken.  With the motor, the steering, the heating/cooling, the windows, the wheels and suspension, the chassis, and so on.  It might last--but it might not.  It definitely takes some skill and hard work--or blithe indiffernece--to keep it running. 

3-If it would pass inspection anywhere, it's not a dirt bag vehicle. 

4-Can dirt bags afford cars?  Do they even know how to drive?  

5-All dirt bags at some time in their lives have sampled the taste of gasoline while siphoning fuel to fund a trip. 

6-On the floor there are many good things to be found to eat, candy, small crumbs, bits of consumables, and so on, and perhaps some old grass. 

7-There is a spare tire and a jack, but the tire of for a different car, and you have to turn the jack with an improvided handle. 

8-The gas cap is missing (see point number 5)

9-On every trip, you have to stop at least once to put water into the radiator. 

10-There are lots of stickers on the windows, but none from patagonia or arcteryx.  You don't know who put them there--they were there when the car became your. 

What can we add?

Christian Heschwrote:

Also avoid anywhere near urban areas, remote areas, and everything in between. That should do it. 

Yep, the best places to park are usually someone's driveway , between the tweakers and the man it ain't easy. Incognito helps.

Christian Heschwrote:... since gas is double what it was 5 years ago!

https://ycharts.com/indicators/us_gas_price

M Spraguewrote:

https://ycharts.com/indicators/us_gas_price

UNPOSSIBLE

Eli Wwrote:

Don’t put stickers period. NRA sticker is a theft magnet— there’s plenty of demand for stolen guns.

Different culture in the northeast at least. The automatic assumption here is “ooh that’s a scary gun nut’s car I’m not going to mess with that one” rather then “ooh free gun! Nice.” People are funny about guns over here. Location matters I guess. 

M Spraguewrote:

https://ycharts.com/indicators/us_gas_price

Cute. 4-5yrs ago, mid-high $2’s, sometimes $3.0x. Currently, fluxing between $4.89-$5.40.

I’m old but my memory isn’t that bad…

Christian Heschwrote:

Cute. 4-5yrs ago, mid-high $2’s, sometimes $3.0x. Currently, fluxing between $4.89-$5.40.

I’m old but my memory isn’t that bad…

Currently $3.13 average for regular in RI. The price was abnormally low during early covid when everybody was home and barely driving

Some more data https://data.democratandchronicle.com/gas-price/ (Scroll down) You can also search for inflation adjusted prices to get a better feel. By the way, I am not saying fuel costs are not painful to many, but it is bc poor and what remains of the middle class are getting squeezed elsewhere, like food and housing and most everything else costs (all while corporations and shareholders are making huge profits)

Christian Heschwrote:

Cute. 4-5yrs ago, mid-high $2’s, sometimes $3.0x. Currently, fluxing between $4.89-$5.40.

I’m old but my memory isn’t that bad…

https://www.eia.gov/dnav/pet/hist/LeafHandler.ashx?n=PET&s=EMM_EPM0_PTE_SCA_DPG&f=M 

Here is info for California - AVERAGES

2018 March, average 3.48
2023 March, average 4.79

Now, since this is 2024 and no March data available yet -

2018 February, average 3.42
2019 February, average 3.24
2020 February, average 3.45
2021 February, average 3.43
2022 February, average 4.66
2023 February, average 4.59
2024 February, average 4.55

Where I live, one can easily see variance of ~0.50 depending on location

Would you prefer I be verbose and specify “in recent months I’ve paid 2x what I paid in certain months 5 years ago”??? (have paid below $3 and near $6 in a 4-5yr span). You quoting averages doesn’t change the actual prices I’ve paid.

bruh, the point is that (at least in CA) fuel is expensive enough to be a much larger factor in dirtbagging than it might have been 5 years ago. An Outback gets great mileage, but the mileage difference on a Prius is significant enough that I sold my beloved off-road machine, specifically b/c of the economy factor….but yeah, get your “NU-UH, YOU’RE WRONG, EVERYTHING IS GREAT” comments in if it makes you feel better.

Back on topic, Bailey, will respond to your email. Cliff notes is the Prius is fantastic for one, for extended trips of up to 3-4 weeks, IMO - not sure I’d want to actually live out of it, but it’s more than good enough for extended trips away from a home base/storage area. A roof box might make it manageable for two, but I don’t think I could handle that, personally.

I bought a high millage 2wd 4 cylinder jeep XJ for $2,000. but I gotta work on it all the time to keep it alive.

took out the backseat because there's no headrests and three people have almost never been in there at one time.

If you can drive well you can get it almost anywhere! But if you're taller than 5'10" it is uncomfortable to sleep in, but if you take out that passenger seat any single person can sleep fine.

I knew a dirt bag in bishop, he drove a dangerous VW Jetta. it was all fucked up and he would never get anything fixed. that's a real dirt bag car. I feel like "dirt bags" drive sedans and minivans because they care so much about climbing they can't figure out how to like, wash themselves or work on cars.

I vote for this lifted 911 Dakar recently spotted at the end of the road in Prudhoe Bay. It’s only like a quarter mil...

Sep M wrote:

It’s just not what a lot of the rest of us have experienced (personally and according to the data). So it sounded like a weird take. 

To be fair, I am indeed taking the outliers, I can absolutely recall 2.89 4-5yrs ago, and we were paying 5.9x at times in the last 6mos but yes, those are def the edge cases.

This I agree with. I’ve never owned a vehicle that I didn’t end up spending more on fuel for over its lifetime than I did on purchase price. I think the “fuel costs aren’t that important” idea is for folks buying new cars. Set mpg to at least 50% on that spreadsheet, imhe.

That said, the fuel mileage has to be balanced against purchase price, of course. A $6 dirtbag mobile that gets 18mpg might be much cheaper in its lifetime than a $26K new Prius. When I bought mine (first new car of my life), my mum had just bought a plug-in version a few months prior. She paid about $5K more than I did. I ran the math with the fact that her mileage was about 10mpg more than mine… and her car became the better value at about 400,000 miles. 

Honda Fit. What it lacks in clearance and approach angle is made up for by narrow and short wheelbase. You basically squeeze between or around what everyone else has to “clear”. My 2007 (RIP) took me many places that it arguably didn’t belong. You can sleep in it nicely and it swallows lots of gear. Insurance company gave me $5,300 on total loss with 165,000 on the odometer. For around $5,000, a used Fit is a solid dirtbag vehicle.

LL2wrote:

Honda Fit. What it lacks in clearance and approach angle is made up for by narrow and short wheelbase. You basically squeeze between or around what everyone else has to “clear”. My 2007 (RIP) took me many places that it arguably didn’t belong. You can sleep in it nicely and it swallows lots of gear. Insurance company gave me $5,300 on total loss with 165,000 on the odometer. For around $5,000, a used Fit is a solid dirtbag vehicle.

Honda fit glowingly seconded

LL2wrote:

Honda Fit. What it lacks in clearance and approach angle is made up for by narrow and short wheelbase. You basically squeeze between or around what everyone else has to “clear”. My 2007 (RIP) took me many places that it arguably didn’t belong. You can sleep in it nicely and it swallows lots of gear. Insurance company gave me $5,300 on total loss with 165,000 on the odometer. For around $5,000, a used Fit is a solid dirtbag vehicle.

I’m not so sure about labeling a Honda fit as some off-road wonder wagon.  We had a 2007, and the thing literally had a hard time clearing some driveways without ripping off its front spoiler, and the low profile tires have absolutely zero sidewall protection against rocks. That said, it had tons of room and was a great car for the first 180 K. After that, things kind of started to fall apart, and by 200,000 it had so many problems that it wasn’t worth keeping on the road. Mostly, it had transmission problems (manual), the AC literally disintegrated from the inside out, and there were issues with engine mounts and valves. 

Eric Shulerwrote:

The safety points seem wildly arbitrary and are throwing the ratings off

You do know you can set the sheet so safety is completely disregarded, right? You can also tell the sheet to disregard how recently the thing was built and only assign points for crash-test ratings. 

Christian Heschwrote:

Just read the google link/spreadsheet, 67 vehicles and NOT ONE FREAKING PRIUS. Geezus, am I literally the only person who knows that you can sleep in a Prius? I’m 6-2, and sleep fully stretched out, no mods necessary, all my gear fits in it, no need to ever break down the bed, and I can pull up to a spot, put up shades in 3 windows, and crawl right into my bed, without ever leaving the vehicle. 

100% stealth, nobody has a clue, can’t tell you how many times I’ve slept at…oh, nevermind that, rangers might read this. Anyway, with the WeatherTech shades, nobody can see inside, it has massive cargo space inside, and you can even sleep two if you’re willing to tetris the gear into the front seats (in 1-person configuration, I don’t really have to move anything around, everything is already nicely stacked in the front footwell/seat and L side of cargo space before I drive to where I want to snooze for the evening. Have literally never had a knock on my window, ever.

Have also offloaded it enough that I sold my Outback b/c I was taking it on the same roads. There’s even a 1.5” lift kit you can get for I think $300, easy to install, and adds a surprising amount of versatility. 

Lastly, I’m pretty sure none of the listed vehicles are getting anywhere near 45-50mpg, so there’s that small detail, since gas is double what it was 5 years ago!

Fair! I should add all the cars so you can set 'Livability' to zero and see what happens. It would just be a … a lot of work. And I was never going to get anything smaller than like a Forester. I guess I just didn't need a spreadsheet to tell me that if I was going to live out of a car it should probably be a hatchback with insane gas mileage. 

Bailey Nicholsonwrote:

PM sent hoping to discuss the prius life a bit more. 

#SmugLife

Eggs are average 2.25 a dozen here, gas around 3.05 a gallon