How did you let your teen develop new climbing partners?

Dante Lwrote:

Had to laugh at this thread. I know that times have changed but when I was 16 I hitchhiked from Cincinnati to Yosemite with a few stops on the way and then turned around and hitched to the Gunks.I climbed with new partners and still climb with some of them.

Yeah, when I was 16 and my brother was 15 we hitch hiked to Cathedral Ledge from Rhode Island (a four hour drive), camped, climbed Diedre 5.9+, four pitches) , then hitchhiked home on a weekend during high school.  Somehow this was not considered remarkable back then.  My mom would probably be jailed now 

Darin Berdinkawrote:

I was a good kid with goodish judgement.  At 17 my climbing partner (also 17) slipped and fell to his death in the mountains. 30 years later I'm still careening through this existence never fully at peace why he is not.

Darin I’m sorry you experienced this at such a young age, and I appreciate you and OLH and others reminding me not to let my guard down. Would rules have helped you avoid the scenario we all fear? Could your parents have done something differently to prevent you from being there that day? Maybe your life lessons can serve to help another family prevent pain.

My idea is to have your son come up with the safety plan for him to start climbing on his own with friends. How is he going to keep himself and his friends safe? Let him write it down and tell you the plan. It’ll show his climbing maturity and will be reassuring if he is thinking about all the things you are. It’ll give you an idea of how much freedom you should allow him.

A non-parent mentor would be invaluable as well.

Pat Ament was fifteen when he started climbing with Layton Kor. Find your son a crusty desert hardman mentor and he will be destined for greatness!

Great thread, btw. One of the more worthwhile ones on the site as of late.

Old lady Hwrote:

All I can say, on the practical side of it? Try to find a way they can get away from you....but in with much better climbers. Hire a guide, see if they can get that true mentor, see if they might be interested in signing up with the local SAR people. 

Wendy:   Besides Helen, several others have mentioned encouraging your son to get involved with safety-minded folks. I will too.

One of my son's and I started climbing when he was 16.  So we didn't have the climbing history with him that you already have had with your son.  So his starting climbing, starting out on his own, and the safety aspects hit us all at once.  It is a little nerve wracking as you know.  At one point, my wife insisted on speaking on the phone with an adult - someone I knew well in the climbing sense - who asked my son to go sport climbing with him (it went well; am proud of her initiative).

Back to Helen's comment, we are two decades later and climbing remains a big part of my son's life.  There are a couple things that come to mind that probably actually helped avoid my son being involved in a serious climbing accident. Both involved organizations focused on safety due to existential need.  One was a climbing club which generally focused on best practices.  Another was my son being invited to apply for a job at the local climbing gym - so also having a basis in safe practices; he took the job.

At 16, your son is basically now his own person.  Your best bet may be in gently guiding / encouraging him to get engaged with safety minded climbing folks or organizations?  But that may just me speaking from my own history and not yours.

Edit: Suggest caution about a rule based approach. Having been through five teenage eras, I know now that I had less control than I thought I did. Heavy rules are likely to suppress him sharing his experiences.  As you probably appreciate, keeping the feedback Loop open is highly desired.

My buddy and I were 16 when we had a pretty serious close call that could have been fatal for both of us. Mere luck or a guardian angel kept us alive. After that, we got involved with the local climbing club and rescue team. So, I also echo Helen’s idea of having your son get involved with SAR. He should find some great mentors there and, after a few call outs, the reality of how things can go terribly wrong will hopefully give him some valuable experience without actually having to go through the terror of it himself. 

My sister had me take my nephew (her son) top rope climbing after he showed some interest, and had a couple buddies tag along. They were immediately much more physical than me, but so utterly lacking in the "curiosity" department (how to tie different knots, test gear placements, understand physics etc.) that I gave up on teaching them trad and took them sport climbing. My nephew can now flash .11c/d and red point 12a. 

Personally, I wouldn't really worry until he starts to trad/alpine climb. That is a whole other ballgame. 

But "The Dream" for me was never 50 feet high, or right next to another climb, so sport climbing lost its luster pretty quick.  

I grew up climbing as part of a high school climbing club in the late 70s*. No parents just two great teachers. I remember one of my best friend's mom complaining about our climbing. He said, "Fine, I'll sell my rack and go hang out of the street corner and smoke dope." We did a lot of climbing together on our own but had a good foundation. So like others have said, find a youngish mentor that is fun to hang out with but has some maturity so not to get into too much trouble.

*Trivia - a few year later some kid named Steve House cut his teeth climbing in the same club. 

Daniel Joderwrote:

My buddy and I were 16 when we had a pretty serious close call that could have been fatal for both of us. 

those are hardly limited to climbing. I'd run out of fingers and toes counting the close calls of all sorts that friends and I had from the age of 12 to 18, and I didn't start climbing for another two decades after that.

If anyone else has a kid that that wants to learn, there's a guy on this thread that seems really eager to take kids climbing.

https://www.mountainproject.com/forum/topic/120547514/do-you-want-to-get-stoked-on-climbing?page=4

He's even including chocolates!

Thanks to all who recommended mentoring, and to the people who have reached out to me behind the scenes to offer to help.  I'm blown away by those who have offered to hang with a cool 16-year old to make sure he gets a good start to climbing!  Thankfully my son is on the development team at the climbing gym, and his coaches are excellent mentors, as are the variety of friends we've all climbed with over the years.  My struggle is not so much with him and his judgement, it's the other kids I don't necessarily know.  But this thread has been super helpful in my thinking process, and I'm once again grateful for this awesome community.  I thought babies were hard, but teens are hard too!

Don’t worry he’ll quit roped climbing soon and just go bouldering. You can speed that up by buying him a few super nice pads and all the kit (fans and lights).

I started climbing in my teens back when only trad climbing existed and went to places like the Tetons on my own. Somehow I survived that and gleaned some good lead skills along the way. The only thing I would reinforce to him is how to suss out belay skills of his bros.