How to climb in the worst style?

À la this video, what, in your opinion, could be the worst theoretical ascent stylistically? For the sake of confining our definition of ascent, let's keep it human-powered (I'm still proud of your car for climbing Mt. Washington, don't worry). Descent can be whatever though. 

On this topic, highly illegal first aid kit ideas? Diamox, meth (sorry Hermann), prescription opiates, 2,4-Dinitrophenol (for hypothermia? I'm not a doctor what do i know)

Load yourself with EPO so you have all the endurance you'd ever want

Worst style?

Post a link to a stupid video with nothing to do with anything.

Or maybe it was associated with the illegal drugs??

I'll bite to the first bit anyway.

Imo, worst, is spending vast amounts of money to be hauled up Everest...just cuz.

H.

Old lady H wrote:

Post a link to a stupid video with nothing to do with anything.

The point of that video is that it‘s an instruction manual for something nobody wants; how to be miserable. I’m just curious about prompting the same thing but with regard to style

Bolting cracks top down

Jake Campbell wrote:

Bolting cracks top down

and drilling out pockets next to the crack

rebar ladders

My strategy would be to maximize the combination of "gripped enough to be unsafe" on super secure, easy, impossible to fall-from routes.

It doesn't have the same level of mechanical skill as bolting and then chopping rebar ladders next to cracks, and it doesn't have the decadence of getting hauled up Everest... but it's way cheaper and easier, easily repeatble several times a day, and will even gain you a bit of an audience if you do it correctly, multiply the suck across a number of people..

It has a very good ratio of "pay off" to "risk".... that is, by making a perfectly safe climb into something terrifying to participate in, you've managed to maximize the consequences while minimizing the pay off.

Even better, if you do it at a crowded area, other folks can look on and partake in your terror as you fumble to clip that third quick draw on some 5.9 at the absolute edge of your reach from the most strenuous possible stance, simultaneously putting yourself in ground-fall territory, increasing the risk that you'll actually pop off accidentally, and kicking off a shot-clock pump that guarantees you'll need to take as soon as you clip.  

If you clip.

If you're strong enough you can do this two or maybe even three times per climb.

Bonus points if you can get a super-stoned belayer who thinks that, because he's using a grigri he doesn't need to keep a hand on the break strand (the climber-side will, of course, suffice, just to keep the device out of the dirt where he's sitting).

To me, that's the best (worst) of all worlds.

Wearing JNCO jeans

Take every piece of gear you own racked on both sides of your harness up a single pitch offwidth that requires you to insert your body into it and leave all the cams that you really need to place on the side that’s pointing in to the offwidth, so your just trapping yourself every time you try to make that one inch move.

John Reeve wrote:

Bonus points if you can get a super-stoned belayer who thinks that, because he's using a grigri he doesn't need to keep a hand on the break strand (the climber-side will, of course, suffice, just to keep the device out of the dirt where he's sitting).

To me, that's the best (worst) of all worlds.

I think a drunk belayer who uses a grigri incase he blacks out is even better

second vote for people paying 50k to be Sherpa luggage as the worst climbers stylistically 

Erik Strand wrote:

I think a drunk belayer who uses a grigri incase he blacks out is even better

Fair enough, but I'm just bitching about what I was seeing last weekend.

Find the most aesthetic slightly slab angle arete, it’s the kind line of the area that everyone both climber and non climber is blown away by. Drill some pockets so those sweet totems can be used. You send it then you take some colonoscopy prep and take a poop all over it. Then chop the heads of the totems off so the lobes are trapped in the drilled pockets.

I thought we might all be able to agree on a corporate team building toprope gathering.

Climb without ticking

Climbing a route that you set in a gym 

W K wrote:

Wearing JNCO jeans

Hehe, JNCO jeans... rave flashbacks! Climbing in huge JNCO jeans may actually be the ultimate style of good footwoork... considering you can't see your feet :)

Not being able to climb a route on the first or second try, then coming up with a cool word to make your later successful, rehearsed attempt sound better. 

Rating a route on MP you admit to hanging your way up to the last bolt but not finishing. Fell, hung, fell, hung, lowered at last bolt. Consensus says 5.8, you rate 5.9+.

Parachute Adams wrote:

Rating a route on MP you admit to hanging your way up to the last bolt but not finishing. Fell, hung, fell, hung, lowered at last bolt. Consensus says 5.8, you rate 5.9+ 5.6.

FTFY

It's gotta be intentionally soloing way above your level, right? ("Intentionally" because simply getting off-route and effectively soloing does happen occasionally.) That's kinda universal across disciplines, too — mountaineering, alpine, big wall, single pitch, highballs, …