Dog rant

Perhaps some of you (I realize not all) will appreciate my friend's quote upon meeting with barking confrontational dogs while their owners were off the ground. When the owners touched down and talked to their dogs about being noisy he said, " Dogs are good....mostly when they are done medium rare.."

Adam Burch wrote:

I feel like this is about the appropriate spot in the thread for us to post pictures of ourselves in drag, yes?

We all chossdress and go to the cragshow on the weekends.

See what I did there?

Bruno Schullwrote:

OK, this thread is getting crazy,  

We all deserve some blame, and consequent punishment.  

@ Adam Burch should be tied down on a gurney, and made to watch as his chilkdren suffer a love attack by two wild, frollicking labrador puppies, who lick and kiss the children from head to toe untl, until the they cry with delight.  At the same time, two special forces operatives should steal one of his knives, drop it on a concrete floor repeatedly to blunt the tip, and then tickle his bare feet gently, until he howls with titilation.  Thereafter, his children should demand every day that he buy them a puppy, and approach every and all dog for pets, filling him with fear for their safety.  Also, he should forever be barred from using the term, "Nawmeen."

@ David K should be trapped in a reccurent nightmare, where he is walking naked in a forest, on his way to the crag, and is attacked by a pack of vicious dogs, baying for his throat, prompting him to cast about wildly for some way to defend himself, growing ever more desperate, while a group of pedantic pacifists hover on a cloud above, calling for him to," Take the high road!" , "Lower your testosterone!" , "De-escalate!" to no avail.  At the last moment, as he is choking one of the dogs to death with his bare hands in front of his own familty and loved ones, he wakes in a cold sweat, only for the nightmare to begin again. 

@ Bruno Schull (me) -- I should be relegated to following the REVERSE of the laws here in Switzerland, walking my dog ON leash during the times when she could be off leash, driving me crazy with frustration because I want her to be wild and free, and walking her OFF leash during the times when she should be on leash, exposing me to the censorious stares and judemental comments of Swiss ramblers, with my mouth taped shut, so I can't tell them to go fuck themselves.  Anybody who has lived in Switzerland--one of the most judgemental and intrusive societies on earth--will underdstand the gravity of this punishment.

Any climber who lets their dog ramble free unleashed in areas where there are leash laws, causing general chaos and debauchery, should be bitten in the ass by their own dog, hard enough to draw blood, require stitches, and make it painfull to sit down for at least three months. 

And any climber who has ever complained about dogs lawfully off leash at crags, should be forced to lead a run out slab, take a long whipping fall above their last piece, and pendulum into a dihedral, experiencing nothing more in the way of injuries than terrible fear and embarassment, and a broken pinky toe, which will make them limp for many years, and therefore make dogs suspicious, so that they will be followed by a chorus of canine barks everywhere they go.  

Can we end this thread now???

I feel like everyone's punishment should be to meet themselves in a situation that causes them to exercise their worst tendencies.

Adam Burch with his child, meets Adam Burch with an off-leash dog. Adam-Burch-with-child threatens dog with knife, Adam-Burch-with-dog responds by brandishing his own knife, and they stab each other to death, traumatizing both dog and child. Their spirits haunt the earth for a few days, but are able to find peace and go to the afterlife due to someone at each funeral complimenting the size of their junk. Dog and child are placed in foster facilities.

David K meets David K on the internet. Both agree that dogs should be kept on leashes, and both agree that starting violence by brandishing a knife is a bad idea, and both agree that a handgun is better for defense if a dog starts to behave violently. Where they disagree is the proper caliber for said handgun: David K 1 asserts that 380ACP is powerful enough and reliable enough, while not as likely to cause hearing damage in the innocents, whereas David K 2 believes that the higher velocity of a 9mm round makes it more effective. Despite the fact that 9mm and 380ACP are the same bullet, with slightly different amounts of powder behind them, the argument goes on for the rest of their unfortunately long lives. Unable to let it go, the David Ks live into their 90s, bickering sporadically across various climbing forums, always with the constant background irritation of knowing that someone with their name is wrong on the internet.

Fritz meets another Fritz, and they bond over their shared affinity for goats. They move in together (platonically--it's not gay, it's guy love), stop rope soloing, and send gnarly stuff.

Dog owners with off-leash dogs meet other dog owners with off-leash dogs. Due to the complete chaos, all their climbing crags are closed, and they stop exercising and die of heart disease.

Karens meet other Karens (of all genders--"Karen" is a gender-neutral term). While all Karens have leashed dogs, one dog manages to chew through its leash and run across a crag in full view of all the Karens. Instead of having a peaceful adult conversation with each other and finding out what happened, the Karens passive-aggressively complain about off-leash dogs on the internet, and more and more Karens pile on to the conversation, creating the appearance that there is an epidemic of off-leash dogs, when in fact, they all witnessed the same dog. As a result of the bad publicity the Karens' crag is also closed. As with the dog owners, the Karens stop exercising and die of heart disease.

Bruno Schull meets Bruno Schull, and they bond over attempting to broker peace between the Adam Burches, the David Ks, the dog owners without leashes, and the Karens. This is like trying to stop the tide from coming in, so they never really make any progress, and are badly injured trying to break up the fight between the Adam Burches. However, they do end up adopting the Adam Burches' dog and child. This brings them some joy, until Adam Burch's daughter grows up and becomes an opioid addict due to the trauma of seeing her father stabbed to death while stabbing his doppelganger to death. This brings the Bruno Schulls great sorrow, and they die in their 50s. The official cause of death is, strangely, dysentery, but everyone who knows them knows they died of a broken heart.

This has gone from dog rant to some weird fantasy rant.  An odd glimpse into some of your toilet thoughts. 

David K wrote:

This always was a thread for weird fantasy rants. If we were all living in reality, people would keep their dogs on leashes, the rare exception would be solved with an assertive adult conversation, and this thread never would have been started.

As someone who has assertive adult conversations at least bi-annually in Moes and Joes with dog owners I can tell you this thread sadly will keep coming up.   Its at least a conversation every other week at my local choss spot.  Very far from rare. 

Jordan Wilsonwrote:

This has gone from dog rant to some weird fantasy rant.  An odd glimpse into some of your toilet thoughts. 

This always was a thread for weird fantasy rants. If we were all living in reality, people would keep their dogs on leashes, the rare exception would be solved with an assertive adult conversation, and this thread never would have been started.

Jordan Wilsonwrote:

As someone who has assertive adult conversations at least bi-annually in Moes and Joes with dog owners I can tell you this thread sadly will keep coming up.   Its at least a conversation every other week at my local choss spot.  Very far from rare. 

Sure, but... how many dog attacks have you experienced? Is this REALLY about how dangerous off-leash dogs are, or is it just about people not getting the results they want from a conversation?

I'm not defending dog owners who have their dogs off leash--there's enough problems caused by off-leash dogs that people should keep their dogs on leash. The weird fantasy comes into play when people start acting like this is some sort of life and death issue, when in fact climbing itself, or car accidents on the way to the crag, are both more dangerous.

Adam Burch wrote:

If you haven't figured it out by now, our buddy David K isn't the most well-adjusted young man on the planet.  Nawmean?

Can't believe I forgot to share this one.  Looking forward to your incoherent ramblings in response, lol!

We lived in a condo complex a few years ago when my kids were even smaller and more vulnerable.  There was some clown and his wife and their cute little kid living on the lower level, which had a tiny patio with a short little nothing wooden rail around it.  They had this massive beautiful rotty that they kept on the patio, and throwing HOA rules and common sense to the wind, they like to let it just sit out there with no restraint.  As my wife would walk the stroller/kids past on the way to our community playground, it would growl and charge the fence.  It would have been zero effort for this dog to get out, and we know how powerful a big rotty is.  

Long story short, I went and talked to the wife and asked her to tie the dog up when he was out there.  She kindly agreed, but her D-bag husband decided he didn't like that.  I passed by a couple weeks later and he was coming out onto the patio, his dog already out there and pacing, and not tied up.  Here we go.  I reminded him about the chat I had with his wife, he said they weren't going to tie the dog up after all, so I told him about the knife I carried and that if his dog jumped the fence I'd kill it.  Imagine my surprise when the dog was tied up from then on.  Problem solved.

Even dumber was this lady that lived in another unit, who had a loose dog that chased my kid into the path of a car while they were coming back from the grocery store.  I wasn't there, my wife was walking with my daughter and son (he was 2) and had her arms full.  The dog runs after my son barking and he bolts through the line of parked cars out in front of a passing car.  My wife luckily tossed everything and chased after him, and scooped him up at the last second as the car screeched tires to a halt.  No big deal, right David?

We live in world full of opinions and twisted logic, which leads to stupid shit like this.  From the looks of this thread you're a contributor David K.  Hopefully you wise up one of these days.

Clown.

Adam Burch wrote:

Lol holy shit!  Look at you go.

In answer to the question, "[H]ow many dog attacks have you experienced?", your answer appears to be... 0. We've got one case of a fenced in dog which you interpreted as aggressive, and your kid running in front of a car. Neither story is at the crag.

Is that too much incoherent rambling for you?

EDIT: If you don't want your kid running in front of cars, maybe put your kid on a leash?  

Colonel Mustardwrote:

I hope to revisit this thread on page 10. Don’t disappoint me, people!

Living the dream. So proud of all you losers.

edit: haha! Retro deletions put this back on page 9! 

David K wrote:

"Adam Burch with his child, meets Adam Burch with an off-leash dog. Adam-Burch-with-child threatens dog with knife, Adam-Burch-with-dog responds by brandishing his own knife, and they stab each other to death, traumatizing both dog and child. Their spirits haunt the earth for a few days, but are able to find peace and go to the afterlife due to someone at each funeral complimenting the size of their junk. Dog and child are placed in foster facilities."

  omg I love this thread, it has become art.

"...and then this dog came over with a full bag of weed..."

feels like the OP needed that inserted somewhere in the story

Just wanted to make sure we got a goat on this page.

Not that I have a dog in this race. I am more of a cat person. But shout out to the humble crag dog.  A rare beast.  The others are potential food for the coyotes if you know what I mean.  

I lived in a neighborhood where everyone had a mean ass pitbull in their yard. No one got robbed. Most of these dogs were not super well secured... Anyway I would walk by one of the biggest and meanest pitbulls every day, and she would usually run to the end of her chain and growl and bark, sometimes waiting to for when my back was turned. I had to overcome a fear of dogs like pits, rotts and shepherds because a big shepherd mix grabbed me and dragged me by the foot when I was about six years old (mom heard and got there quick). One day I walked by and in the corner of my eye I noticed she was running at me, and this time she wasn't secured. She ran up- to lick my hand! A super sweetheart.

I'm hoping people don't really do things like threaten owners and dogs, because the human and dog will perceive that as a threat, and escalation can happen.
Knife brandishing? Everyone in the US of A is packing, are you out of your minds?

Sam Gileadiwrote:

Not that I have a dog in this race. I am more of a cat person. But shout out to the humble crag dog.  A rare beast.  The others are potential food for the coyotes if you know what I mean.  

I lived in a neighborhood where everyone had a mean ass pitbull in their yard. No one got robbed. Most of these dogs were not super well secured... Anyway I would walk by one of the biggest and meanest pitbulls every day, and she would usually run to the end of her chain and growl and bark, sometimes waiting to for when my back was turned. I had to overcome a fear of dogs like pits, rotts and shepherds because a big shepherd mix grabbed me and dragged me by the foot when I was about six years old (mom heard and got there quick). One day I walked by and in the corner of my eye I noticed she was running at me, and this time she wasn't secured. She ran up- to lick my hand! A super sweetheart.

I'm hoping people don't really do things like threaten owners and dogs, because the human and dog will perceive that as a threat, and escalation can happen.
Knife brandishing? Everyone in the US of A is packing, are you out of your minds?

You lost me at “more of a cat person”

May have been deliberate?  :)

Paul Morrisonwrote:

Just wanted to make sure we got a goat on this page.

Looks like that gote is ready to solo the Official Route of the 1984 Olympics.

 also, for Burchey: https://goatknives.com/

Sam Gileadiwrote:

May have been deliberate?  :)

Oh, you think cats are all cuddly wuddly, no problem for the every day carry pleb?

Wrong!

The above still taken directly from shocking footage of me fighting a crag cat who got too close on the approach proves otherwise!

Colonel Mustardwrote:

Oh, you think cats are all cuddly wuddly, no problem for the every day carry pleb?

Wrong!

The above still taken directly from shocking footage of me fighting a crag cat who got too close on the approach proves otherwise!

I am covered with scars from these so-called cuddly beasts.   A truly noble battle with an opponent who might be worthy the employ a good knife.

I mean, to sully a blade with the blood of a coprophilic canine? Not even a joking matter. How that would even enter the mind of a knife afficionadio? Yes, I do lack the comprehension.

www.msn.com/en-us/news/crime/are-you-kidding-me-deputy-finds-goats-in-and-on-his-patrol-car/ar-AA11frSR?ocid=msedgntp&cvid=3b41620847004bc7964e3e02684e4de3

David Kwrote:

Sure, but... how many dog attacks have you experienced? 

This year 3 dogs came afer me at a crag, felt teeth on my hand,  sternly told them to go home, while going after them with my hiking poles. They retreated back to their badly mannered  humans.   I told the humans to tie them up.