General Climbing: The Ally Llama Hotline

Currently taking care of my grandparents for the next few weeks. If you’ve ever experienced caring for a loved one with dementia, you can relate to how frustrating and saddening it could be.

It’s also terribly, terribly mundane. 

There’s only so many push-ups I can do, pages of Hooking Up I can read in a day, and MP forums I can ghost whilst confined to the walls of my grandparents home.

This could be a terrible idea, but I set up a Google phone line to hear from other climbers! Let’s debate on adding bolts to Snake Dike. Let me tell you about the time I peed my pants rapping down the wrong direction on Tahquitz. I want to hear about your big wall plans this fall. I’m dying to talk climbing, and my grandparents aren’t really the people to do it with.

(415) 689-490RedCam

If I don’t answer I’m probably busy or without service (currently rural), but text me and I’ll call ya back!

Evening cigarette break bump! Free used ATC to the 10th caller of The Ally Llama Hotline For Trad Climbers Who Can’t Lower Out So Good if they can identify what route and pitch this is:

Problem is you stumped half the people here with “red cam”

sweet pendi lowerout

Can we gossip about Tradi?

I heard he finances Shawn’s rebar ladders.

Marc Hwrote:

Can we gossip about Tradi?

I heard he finances Shawn’s rebar ladders.

Haha the only interaction I’ve had with Tradiban was a pleasant exchange of Tahquitz beta. I got no bad chismis on him!

On that same note, I just listened to Snyder’s How Not To Highline interview. At face value, I actually agree with a lot of what he’s saying. Now I don’t condone attacking someone with a hammer or stealing people’s gear, but what’s more negatively impactful in the long run: a badly bolted via ferrata or 1,000 climbers all creating their own approach trails through the woods to a popular crag? Should we as a climbing community do more self-reflecting on our own actions before throwing stones? Am I too, actually going insane? Call The Ally Llama Hotline For People Who Can’t Drill Perpendicular To The Planar Surface for more hot takes!

Mark Pilatewrote:

Problem is you stumped half the people here with “red cam”

Call (415) 689-490(5.11a)

There, now the hotline is sport climber/boulderer inclusive.

Looks like the Nose heading over to Sickle Ledge

That is very sweet of you to look after your grandparents! 

Dreaming of climbing is almost as good as the real thing.

Ally Lwrote:

Haha the only interaction I’ve had with Tradiban was a pleasant exchange of Tahquitz beta. I got no bad chismis on him!

On that same note, I just listened to Snyder’s How Not To Highline interview. At face value, I actually agree with a lot of what he’s saying. Now I don’t condone attacking someone with a hammer or stealing people’s gear, but what’s more negatively impactful in the long run: a badly bolted via ferrata or 1,000 climbers all creating their own approach trails through the woods to a popular crag? Should we as a climbing community do more self-reflecting on our own actions before throwing stones? Am I too, actually going insane? Call The Ally Llama Hotline For People Who Can’t Drill Perpendicular To The Planar Surface for more hot takes!

Call (415) 689-490(5.11a)

There, now the hotline is sport climber/boulderer inclusive.

Shawn is a nut, but that doesn’t mean he’s wrong.

Evening smoke break bump! Call The Ally Llama Hotline For Trad Climbers Who Can’t Hold Onto Crimps So Good within the next 6 hours and you can choose between a topless pic Tradi sent me or I can shittily serenade you with exactly one bar of Ferdinando Carulli on classical guitar.

Can we talk about your recent lead of High Planes Drifter, a very well protected, not runout, 5.6 and how that experience might dictate how many other routes like it you'll climb before you ever attempt an R rated super runout 5.7 route like Snake Dike?

Like, do you think it would be a good idea to be comfortable on all the routes at Ewall before attempting any R rated route in the Valley?

How much friction slab do you think I climbed before someone told me I was ready for Snake Dike? Do you think you're ready for it? Would you have considered climbing SD before, not having had your experience on Ewall? How has said experience changed that, if at all?

Have you already climbed SD? Should I make less assumptions?

Do you think people should consider climbing SD after they've proven themselves, or it's a "classic popular route that goes to the top of Half Dome and something everyone has to do, at least once, so they should just go for it" kind of thing? It's only a 5.7, after all etc.

Why do you like crack and vertical routes so much more, comparatively? Does it make you feel safe? More in control? Less scared? You have something to hold on to? Does it feel good to be good at it?

Why do you talk down to yourself on occasion?

If I told you smoking could potentially lead to dementia, would that be crossing a line, considering what you're currently dealing with right now? It would appear you and Tradi think some of what Shawn was saying in that video was right, maybe just that he doesn't go about dealing with it in the right way? Does me being right about the fact that you should stop smoking mean you should stop? Or is the way in which I'm trying to convince you to stop instead determine if you stop or not? That is, does my wrong cancel out my right? 

Or am I just both wrong, because it's actually none of my business and trying to care about you is crossing a line to begin with, especially since it wasn't requested of me and also because, although we almost climbed once in the Pinnacles, and later we actually climbed at a place that's not the Pinnacles, that I don't actually know you, so I therefore can't actually really care about you? Or maybe...wait, what are we talking about again? Bolts, are all bolts bad?

Also, why did I wake up at 4:30am? And why did it take me over an hour to write all this? So many unanswered questions.

Have you tried yoga yet?

Nathan Doylewrote:

I’ve climbed Snake Dike, but my partner lead that pitch on the condition I would lead all the R pitches. We knew our limits- he was better at slab and I like free-soloing easy routes so I didn’t mind the mental crux of an 80’ runout. Honestly after climbing E Wall I think I need more practice before attempting that slab pitch (my feet were sliding down Five Finger Discount, although you and Aaron and Tinka provided some really valuable slab beta right after). So I feel bad for the girl because its so easy it is to get in over your head with high consequence. It’s just as easy to have 20/20 hindsight and say she could have studied the route better, bailed when it rained, etc etc etc. Cause I’ve definitely gotten out of hairy situations myself by the skin of my teeth.

I loved the experience and yet don’t think everyone needs to climb Snake Dike. I don’t think everyone deserves it. Climbing a specific route is not some inherent right, especially when there’s thousands of well protected routes that already exist, and another method of getting up Half Dome. Still sucks what happened to her.

Crack climbing feels more natural and secure to me. I don’t have the finger strength to hold onto crimps and I have terrible body English. It’s so much easier to just jam my fingers into a gap and expand.

I’m self-deprecating as a defense mechanism. I found early on in life that if I could make the joke about myself before anyone else can I can control the situation and divert what would otherwise be a humiliating schoolyard experience into something that looked vaguely charismatic yet self-aware. But deep down I really really don’t like who I am as a person.

I don’t think your crossing a line about my smoking because I genuinely feel that it comes from a place of concern rather than judgement. The dementia thing doesn’t bother me because I’m a depressed person who doesn’t have a particular reason to grow old, but I’m not going to get into the spirals of my mental psyche online- that’s for zoom meetings with my therapist. It also doesn’t cross a line because I think what connects us to the world is other people. If I didn’t have the concern of family, friends, and even strangers I don’t think I would have made it this far. Human connection is a beautiful thing and sometimes reaching out is worth possibly pissing someone off, which you didn’t. 

I’m awake at 4:30 am because my grandma is prone to wandering in the middle of the night. I can’t answer what’s keeping you up in bed, Nate. Call The Ally Llama Hotline For Nihilistic Climbers With Concerning Internet Posts for more depressing takes.

Aye! What’s your time zone currently? I have some pressing questions and need to settle some long debated climbing arguments. 

compliments are aidwrote:

Aye! What’s your time zone currently? I have some pressing questions and need to settle some long debated climbing arguments. 

I’m on Hawaii time, but I’m pretty much awake all hours watching a grandma who’s currently on the Everyman sleep schedule. Thus, The Ally Llama Hotline For Gym Climbers In TC Pros is a 24/7 operation.