It's painful to write this....

A bump, as a gift to anyone who needs to know they are loved. Holidays are not always cheery, but you are never alone, and people truly do care, no matter how it may look right now.

Hugs from afar, Helen

March 1 bump. It's a beautiful day here, dramatic clouds and windy. A friend and I got in a much needed hike in our local foothills, aiming to burn off the winter fatasses, lol!

My friend is also working hard on newfound sobriety.

I can't tell all of you in person, but please know how proud I am of anyone who is looking their demons square in the face....and saying "fuck off!". Bravo.

If you aren't there...yet...that's okay. Remember you're loved, eh?

Best, Helen

Old lady H wrote: March 1 bump. It's a beautiful day here, dramatic clouds and windy. A friend and I got in a much needed hike in our local foothills, aiming to burn off the winter fatasses, lol!

My friend is also working hard on newfound sobriety.

I can't tell all of you in person, but please know how proud I am of anyone who is looking their demons square in the face....and saying "fuck off!". Bravo.

If you aren't there...yet...that's okay. Remember you're loved, eh?

Best, Helen

Helen,

June 24 would have been Dave's 70th birthday...

Yesterday, one of my closest friends hit a huge milestone in his days of sobriety...

Tomorrow my climbing partner hits 75 days sober.

If this could be you, or someone you care about, hang in there. You can only climb one move at a time.

Best, Helen

Helen, I don’t comment much In our Over 50 thread but, as a fellow “senior” climber, I follow your posts and appreciate your perspective here on MP. Anniversaries can be tough so I’m sending positive energy your way (prayers, as many would say). I am quite familiar with folks who struggle with sobriety (addictions of all kinds) and send my congratulations to your climbing partner... one day at a time adds up quickly if you just take it one day at a time.
And one move at a time is good climbing advice, too!

Two years ago yesterday is when my life completely changed.

Any of you fighting battles, or even just the suckage that 2020 was? 

Hopefully this encourages you. People out there care, when it truly matters, and things can and do change. Don't give up hope!

Best to all of you, Helen

Yes. But nothing I'm comfortable sharing on the internet. I will say that talking to a therapist is worth every penny and is in no way shameful. Hopefully your insurance covers most of it. It can take some trial and error to find a therapist that's a good fit. But when you find one you click with, it is SOOOO helpful. I was always very skeptical of therapy and thought it was all nonsense. Needless to say, I've changed my mind.

You do indeed rock, Helen.  

I hope you're well and had a great day out in the sun.  All of you.

Helen.  A moving post.  I hope to meet you on one of my many trips back to Idaho.  Share some joy and outdoors.

There is a great hope out there on the horizon. There is life after pain of loss. It knocks us down but we climb back up.

It was late in arriving, but it is spring here. 

The buds are swelling on the peach tree, right outside the kitchen window. I can see that tree when I wash dishes....if I get around to washing dishes.

Life is still a very mixed bag.

But?

I missed posting a bump in March.

That's gotta say something, right???

And, only a few posts up, I commented on my climbing partner hitting 75 days sober. Since then? Well....it was just a stumble, and, the stumble that validated his sobriety. He now has a new anniversary in August....and is more than a year out.

I have to say, even that personality is gone. Even months sober, the asshole shithead jerk would show itself.....but less and less with time. Pretty much never, now.

Obviously, I have no clue what it is like, truly, for those of you stuck in that particular side of this hell. I only know it from my side, and, was extremely blind to what had happened to me. Until it stopped.

But even near the end? Dave himself somehow found hope. His life failed him, but he never actually gave up.

It's still a work in progress, but I'm pretty all in on alive, now. Most of the time, at least.

It may be late in coming, but it will always be spring, eventually.

Yesterday the potatoes went in. An exercise in unbounded optimism, with no clue what the payoff will be until half a year from now.

Those peaches though. Those, I get to watch for the half year they take.

Maybe I'll get those dishes washed today?

I'm running out of forks.

Best to all who read this, love ya, Helen

Old lady Hwrote:

It was late in arriving, but it is spring here. 

The buds are swelling on the peach tree, right outside the kitchen window. I can see that tree when I wash dishes....if I get around to washing dishes.

Life is still a very mixed bag.

But?

I missed posting a bump in March.

That's gotta say something, right???

And, only a few posts up, I commented on my climbing partner hitting 75 days sober. Since then? Well....it was just a stumble, and, the stumble that validated his sobriety. He now has a new anniversary in August....and is more than a year out.

I have to say, even that personality is gone. Even months sober, the asshole shithead jerk would show itself.....but less and less with time. Pretty much never, now.

Obviously, I have no clue what it is like, truly, for those of you stuck in that particular side of this hell. I only know it from my side, and, was extremely blind to what had happened to me. Until it stopped.

But even near the end? Dave himself somehow found hope. His life failed him, but he never actually gave up.

It's still a work in progress, but I'm pretty all in on alive, now. Most of the time, at least.

It may be late in coming, but it will always be spring, eventually.

Yesterday the potatoes went in. An exercise in unbounded optimism, with no clue what the payoff will be until half a year from now.

Those peaches though. Those, I get to watch for the half year they take.

Maybe I'll get those dishes washed today?

I'm running out of forks.

Best to all who read this, love ya, Helen

Reading through this thread for the first time. 

You've always been a source of level headed logic on MP threads and I wish you the best. Keep being great.

Cole Fwrote:

Reading through this thread for the first time. 

You've always been a source of level headed logic on MP threads and I wish you the best. Keep being great.

Thanks!

It is both a plus, and a sadness, that every time I bump this, new people find it.

Best, H

Helen, do you have an advice on how to help a friend with similar problem?

Yurywrote:

Helen, do you have an advice on how to help a friend with similar problem?

Not really. I mean, I tried....

What did happen, at least? 

Is that, for the first time in his life, he identified the alcoholism as a thing, a diagnosis. I gave him information, some of which resonated, and I know that gave him some comfort and a flickering of hope. Especially reading that "booze brain" was a lying shit that would tell Dave anything to keep him drinking. He never had thought of it in that way, a thing separate from him. He managed to keep his drinking remarkably well hidden, and "managed" for decades. At the end, though, he also was very clearly physically, dangerously, addicted. Quitting could kill him, without help. Information made that clear, also. 

He had what support I could offer....even as I stepped over him laying on the kitchen floor, to go on with making dinner. His problem, not mine.

But?

Even making it clear the support was there?

He just couldn't bring himself to get the level of help he needed. Too scary, I'm guessing. He needed full inpatient, really, to even get detoxed, let alone all the work after to pursue sober.

If you meant as the person who is associated with the alcoholic or other addiction?

Al Anon is the organization for families, friends, and others who face the fallout. Codependent is another beast, on and on.

Educate yourself, get help that works for you, whatever your situation is, and stick with it....or not. My very next move would have been the full ultimatum. Get ALL the help. Or else you're on your own.

Which means I was days away from living in my CRV, homeless, on the run, and leaving everything, had he not died before that last offer of help from me came. I'm quite confident he wouldn't have done that, gone inpatient, medical doctor, psych doctor, even AA was more than he could face. He didn't want to associate with Those People, but, he was also a very gentle, kind person, who didn't do well with hard times. I'm the tough one.

It was him...or me. 

My choice was (and is) life.

Dave got a very merciful end, considering the possibilities for his future looked pretty grim.

Best, and hugs from afar, eh? Helen

helen, we’ve only interacted intermittently on the forums since i joined last year, but even as strangers—please know my heart is with you right now. i started climbing to escape from an extremely traumatic and complicated personal situation as well and it saved me more than my demons ever could, but even then it’s a daily struggle. i can’t imagine your grief & its complexity right now even just a few years out.

thank you for sharing this, though my comment is a belated one. your contributions and care have made an immeasurable impact here. 

After quite a few years of denial my friend finally accepted that he had this "A" problem.
He even started using medication (I forgot its name) that is supposed to decrease craving.
It did not help and he had at least one episode after he started using this medication.
He is not very religious person, so AA probably would not work for him.
What else?

From very much later, I hadn't seen this. Thanks for writing it.

Yurywrote:

After quite a few years of denial my friend finally accepted that he had this "A" problem.
He even started using medication (I forgot its name) that is supposed to decrease craving.
It did not help and he had at least one episode after he started using this medication.
He is not very religious person, so AA probably would not work for him.
What else?

Again, I'm not the best person to ask, this isn't something I deal with, or ever dealt with, really.

Get resources and support where you are, for yourself. Your friend's problem is.....your friend's problem. Not yours to "fix", unless they are a minor child or you otherwise have full legal custodianship over them, including medical decisions.

That said?

One of my friends takes the med that makes you violently ill if you drink. That seems to help them, YMMV.

Best, Helen

sat with this post today. i read it at the right time in my life. i’ve been struggling recently—climbing is my go-to to substitute from these sorts of demons, and unexpectedly having to stop until july as of march has been…beyond rough. but, i’ve been getting through those bouts and urges with a lot of work, and i’m seriously proud of myself. thinking of you tonight H. thank you for your vulnerability here. this is such a stigmatized issue and reading it from a genuinely non-judgemental perspective really impacted me for the better. lots of love from the east coast.