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Worst First Date Stories
Daniel Chode Riderwrote: But can you make coffee? |
Old lady Hwrote: I would call it coffee, some would call it cowboy coffee, some would call it cowboy spit, some would call it chewing on coffee beans. |
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The blatant disregard for human safety in these stories is deeply unsettling. |
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I was that partner once. We saw each other at the gym and went outdoors the next day. Warmed up on some sport climbs at the top of LCC, where I think either he or I accidentally linked a 2 pitch climb with both not enough draws and too short of a rope. Made it back fine. We made our way down to pentapitch, which I had climbed the week before so I wanted to try the 11a slab variation first pitch. Ended up decking from the first bolt into my partners arms. Don't climb slab when it's 100 out. |
Jeremiah Whitewrote: Well, we never climbed together again. And it's a good thing we drove separate cars. |
Parachute Adamswrote: I ALWAYS drive in separate cars if I’m meeting someone new for climbing. |
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Hold the phone... @ Kris S. (previous page) Holy Crap. What a F-ing psycho. Yeah- I'd pull the rope an walk away too. @ Kevin- with you on that separate cars thing with new people . |
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I am always amazed when somepody posts "looking for a partner to do stratosfear" or some other horror show. Then somebody replies "i would love to! I climb 5.8 sport and i haven't tradded yet, but i am full of stoke!" Then the OP posts "fuck yeah, let's do it!". I haven't ever seen a follow up, or trip report, or article in ANAM. I am dying to know if they actually met up and went for it. |
slimwrote: I never understand why people post the best case scenario. I think Marilyn Monroe once said, “if you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve the classic choss.” People think I’m joking when I say it’s gonna be snowy, mossy, dark, cold and a little wet and then they show up and they act all surprised. Guys set the bar lower. |
Trevor Taylorwrote: Sometimes you make a lot of sense Trevor |
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Long ago I was asked to climb with a friends friend & told "not to worry the guy is strong as F---", his biceps were the size of my thighs. We go to do a five pitch 5.10, 5.9, 5.9, 5.10c, 5.8. A long hike in & the guys is already on my nerves. He wants the 10c, fine let's get going weather is slowly blowing in & he is moving like molasses. Finally, he is ready, I go get my pitch in, set up my belay & bring him up, he sort of fumbles around then finally gets it together & goes. He does the 5.9 easy enough but takes 1/2 hour setting up his belay. I head up, it starts to sprinkle, I start to move fast & about 20 feet from the top I fuck up & miss a hold at the crux & go ripping down fast for about five feet as I am desperately trying to stop myself then I felt a tug & things slowed down for a second which allows me time to look down & in about 10 more feet I grabbed a ledge & smashed my face, tore my arms, and hands up. As I pull myself up on this little ledge I'm dazed & thinking what the fuck just happened, I'm following! I don't remember any slack in the line? I climb up to him & he is about as white as a ghost, 15 feet away from the wall not clipped into his gear. He had had his back against the wall & forgot to clip in. I'm done we are rapping out of here - then he tells me he has never rappeled before. I lead (in my head soled) the next three pitches & we walked off. A year later I run into him in JT & he asked me why I never went climbing with him again. |
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I went on a Saturday outing with three MP randos for some cragging. Guy #1 brought along his 4 month old baby. He had her in a backpack carrier with a helmet and we had to fashion little ground anchors to attach it to so the apparatus didn't tumble down the hill on the sloped base. Every time I looked down at him while he was lead belaying me he was tending to/fussing over the baby, his eyes were never on his climber. Lady #1 was in her 70s, just getting into climbing (nothing wrong with that), but told us on the steep hike in that she was newly diagnosed with atrial fibrillation with rapid rate, is newly on warfarin (blood thinner), and had a chronically bleeding elbow wound. We luckily escaped some horrible medical evacuation with her. Guy #2 was an old crotchety Rhode Islander who told us to call him Whitey. He was cool as hell. On Sunday we ditched the other misfits and had a great day just the two of us. One out of three ain't bad I guess. |
A V wrote: Lmao....I know all about this(not your friends story) chick and what went down. Stealing cams "doesn't" seem to fit her M.O., but who knows, either did the mass shooter shit either until it was... |
Sam Skovgaardwrote: FYI: Whitey is an old Rhoady loady legend |
Daniel Chode Riderwrote: This is a true story, it was a guy called Zach and we went out and warmed up and he was like that stem corner looks cool and I was like yeah it's fairly hard and he tied in and was like 'grunt grunt uhhn' and he was at the top. Very emasculating. |
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m'oms |
slimwrote: I've done random partners, but we usually interview each other during a call and audition each other out on a manageable pre-climb. Yeah. Even with the risk mitigation, I've had less than ideal experiences. |
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Truly a first date climbing story: I had just started seeing this girl I met at the climbing gym. I was working at REI at the time. During a shift, a friend of mine came in to purchase a single bd nut. With a hint of the answer, I asked him why he was buying a single nut. He informed me that he bailed of this single nut on a 2 pitch route just outside of town that I was familiar with. Now kowing that there was booty to be pillaged, I called this girl and told her to meet me in the REI parking lot with everything she would need to rappel a route. Its in the middle of February in Colorado on a seasonably warm, clear night with a full moon. Perfect conditions for a night adventure date. We hike 30 minutes to the top of the route and setup the first rappel. We take a moment to appreciate the view and exchange some kisses. I have her rap first and tie into the P1 anchor. I descend second and swing around the route looking for my friends bail nut with the rock illuminated by the moon and my headlamp. Enough time goes by searching that I admit defeat and continue the descent to the beautiful girl waiting for me on the ledge below. I arrive next to her to see her smiling face in the moonlight. After tying in to the anchor, we begin making out on the ledge and enjoying eachothers company. Deciding we should probably finish our descent, I begin to pull the rope to setup the next rappel. As I look up, in the light of my headlamp, I can see the mistake I've made. 20' above me, swaying in the wind, is the end of the rope with a knot tied nicely in it. As I let out some choice words, my partner begins laughing. I ask her if she realizes the severity of the mistake we (I) have made. She says that she does but that she trusts me to figure out a solution. After a few minutes of running plans through my head, I decide to pull the rope until the knot is lodged in the anchor above. I'm not dumb enough to ascend or descend a rope on a wedged knot so I feed the end of rope that we have through the anchor we are tied into with a carabiner block. I explain to this nice young lady that I'm going to rappel of the edge until I can see the ground/end of the rope and that if it's not on the ground, I will Texas Prussik back up to the ledge and we'll have to call a friend for a rescue. Nervously, we laugh at the thought of having to call a buddy and explain our (my) stupidity. I'd never live it down. So I rappel over the edge until I can see the end of the rope in my headlight's beam. I see the rope with a single coil sitting on the ground. What luck! I yell up to the girl and we rap the single line, hike back up to the top to retrieve the rope and she says "Well, we might as well rappel the route again." We did. However, I made sure to pull the rope BEFORE any smooching on the ledge this time. |
Christian Eatonwrote: Only you can tell us for sure, but is this really anywhere on your list of "worst" experiences? You found a new girlfriend willing to jump through a lot of hoops in hopes of finding a single bail nut, enjoyed some makeouts, and ultimately had a no-consequence adventure. Actually, this wasn't a "first" date at all if you were already seeing her.... and hold on... you didn't do any actual climbing either! D- for failing to understand the assignment. |
