I’m a non-climbing girlfriend - will it work?

Karen Hammersmith wrote:

Amen sister!  we are #blessed

Dana is a guy. 

Kristine B wrote: Climbing played a big part in the breakdown of my marriage (almost 6 years)... Mine ended with my ex having an affair with his climbing partner (so cliche) but in reality was long over before that, because of the other issues that climbing brought. 

It wasn't climbing per se, you were married to a dooshay.

Marc801 C wrote: If you click to view her profile....
Member Since                    Dec 15, 2019
                                            Last Visit: 4 hours ago

So the person joined to make the post has not reposted and visited to see how many pages the trolling has accumulated? Are you trying to help prove my point?

All these super cool strong dudes have piled on 5 pages of advice to save this poor helpless girl from her own bad decisions! And yet no sign of the damsel in distress coming back to thank them? I've decided this troll is definitely
10/10.
All you dudes should be relationship counselors.

Thank you again everyone for sharing your thoughts.

To those questioning whether or not I'm a troll and why I have not responded (following my second response...), the site limits how often new users can post.

Moreover, I came here because I don't know any other serious climbers, and before bringing this to my boyfriend, I wanted to challenge my own thoughts and feelings. I want to be a supportive girlfriend, but dating a climber is a new experience for me, so I am learning how I feel about the implications it might or might not have on our future.

Hearing experiences of it working and not working makes me realize it is down to us to see what we can make of it all. Reading your messages has been encouraging and discouraging, but it has allowed me to articulate a clearer position for where I stand on the matter. This will be helpful for when I have that conversation.

So, thank you for sharing your experiences. 

hello2020 Hello2020 wrote: Thank you again everyone for sharing your thoughts.

To those questioning whether or not I'm a troll and why I have not responded (following my second response...), the site limits how often new users can post.

I've had 4 posters now accusing me of being a troll.  Coincidence?! I don't think so!

Guess what boys, I'm not going to stay in the women's forum just cuz you don't like what I have to say!

I just reached my 'post limit' too.  dumb.

As to your OP, I have a couple girlfriends whose husbands are gone a lot on mountains.
So there's that. I'd also make sure he's insured to the hilt with you as the beneficiary because his chances of joining the ranks of formerly highly motivated frozen corpses is significant. 

Tradiban wrote: The best part about these type of threads is all the men telling us how their women feel about it.

Not this man. I don’t care how she feels about it. 

Dump him.  He's clearly a dirtbag, and won't ever be able to provide for you and your children.  Your dad  would not approve.

PNW Choss wrote: 

So the person joined to make the post has not reposted and visited to see how many pages the trolling has accumulated? Are you trying to help prove my point?

Do you not know how calendars work? The OP was one day ago. Her last login *at that time* was "4 hrs ago" - she checked the thread within 20 hours of her *follow up, not original* post. Maybe in your rush to judgement you missed that little detail? Your "point" is bogus as it looks like she's indeed following the thread. And just maybe she has a life outside of MP and only logs on once a day.

Edit to add: Then there's this which I forgot about from the OP just a few hours ago:

To those questioning whether or not I'm a troll and why I have not responded (following my second response...), the site limits how often new users can post. 

Dana Bartlett wrote:

No. 

I'm am emotional support animal.

Well, yeah. But you're still a guy.

Get married then be ready for him to die, he is a mountaineer after all, then collect life insurance when you pass go and find yourself a new man.

If the guy has a months worth of vacation to go climb where do you really think you stand?  Secondly, how does this guy finance a month of climbing? Time and money are two huge factors in a relationship and it sounds like he is about to spend them both without you. Lastly, climbing is an incredibly selfish activity, and hence climbers are inherently selfish. I vote it will not work.

The business below offers free relationship coaching advice. I’ve highlighted their number, since it seems that a lot of people on this site don’t know it.

I say be optimistic and try to make it work.  Most relationships fail anyway regardless of climbing.  

Uhhh... where are you based, OP? I’d love to drop off my girlfriend and go climb with your SO when I get back from work in March. 

I guess I was one of the lucky ones.
My wife climbed with me a bit back when we were first married
but it really wasn't a love for her like is for me.
She never asked or wanted me to stop climbing.
She said that a climber is what I am  and that is  what she married.
She didn't want to change what I was.
No wonder I love her so much. We've been married now for 29 years.

I welcome anyone’s opinion here - be it of a man who loves adventure in the same way or of a significant other like me who doesn’t share the same love. I imagine my views won’t be popular here so I’m ready for them to be challenged.

TLDR: 

Patience and Compromise, the answer is your choice.

Long version:

My girlfriend is also a non-climber. I am obsessed with climbing and I honestly cant really control that. My girlfriend (Ari) also feels the same way you do. I think for our relationship to work, there will need to be serious patience and compromise between both of us. I try to spend as much time with her as I can, even though I quite frankly find it more fun to go climbing. But I also feel like having fun itn't the most important thing in a relationship. One person should not be the primary source of another person's happiness. Happiness is something you need to go find on your own. 

Here are some things that I try to do to compromise with her:
- Plan out, way ahead of time, what I want to do for a climbing trip. This way, she can at least figure out what she wants to do while I'm gone to keep herself occupied.
- I try to not go climbing as much as I want to (I would just love to go every day).
- Try not to make every damn word that comes out of my mouth be about climbing.
- Try to find things that we can do together.
- Try to go on trips that maybe I wont really have too much fun on, but at least we will both be together and she will be happy, like a couple week road trip.

Here are some things I wished she would compromise with me:
- I really wish she would understand how much climbing means to me and not to take it personally because she also means a lot to me.
- Know that just because I like climbing so much doesn't mean that I don't love her or that we aren't compatible or that there aren't other reasons to be together (there are plenty).
- Try to be okay with me going on a climbing trip with my friends, and try to find some friends in the meantime to hang out with so she isn't lonely when I'm gone.
- She hates climbing, so I really wish she would push her comfort zone and go backpacking with me. This is something we both find interesting, maybe to me not as much as climbing, but still. She wants to go backpacking but she doesn't like physical exertion, so I think it would be very helpful if she tried to push herself so that we could have this thing in common, and then I need to go easy on her because I'm more athletic than she is and not try to push her too hard. For me I need to be okay with going on easy (and somewhat boring) hikes with her so that at least we can spend time together. But obviously for you it might not be backpacking, it could be something else that you both find interesting that you both try and do.
- Find something you like doing without me, and know and accept that having fun with other people is okay. You shouldn't have only one person that you have fun with, there needs to be many. This way, you can go do your own thing while he does his. Ari kinda cut off some of her friends when we started dating a few years back, and it's still true today. When she finds new friends, I feel happy for her because not only will she be able to go and have fun on her own, she will be okay with not being together sometimes. I would really love for her to find some friends that love the things she does, so that when I go climbing, she can go on a trip of her own with her friends and have a blast, then we can come back to each other and talk about our experiences, and over time not be so jealous about it.

Try to compromise on a day to day basis too. For example, the other day she wanted to go bottle digging and try to find some old coke bottles in the woods. Seemed boring to me, but she wanted me to go along. So I went and hiked into the woods with her, and when she was bottle digging, I went and climbed a tree. We were both happy in the end. I think you can apply this to larger scale plans too.

Maybe something that might help is come up with some rules. For example: You let him go on climbing trips, try not to feel too bad about it, but only X amount of times each year. On his side, he needs to just deal with only being able to go on the agreed upon X number of times a year or month or whatever.

** One more thing that her step-dad once told both of us. There's this thing that happens in every relationship. It's very important and this is why: If you do it accidentally, it's a very bad thing, but if you do it on purpose, its a good thing... People in relationships will drift apart and come back together, drift apart then come back together. What I mean by this is: no two people are the same, and so everyone will want to go do something that the other person doesn't want to do. If you let this happen on purpose, and your partner wants to go off and do something, you let him go do it and he will come back to you with all these new stories to tell. Obviously you need to decide together on how much this happens, and you will have to deal with being jealous sometimes. But the key is: If you let this happen on accident, it's definitely not a good thing. What I mean is if he wants to go do something and you never let him go do it, he is going to go and find a way to do it without telling you. And before you know it, he will always be planning trips behind your back and soon enough, you will emotionally drift apart.

So compromise. Know that this will happen, and be okay with it - and that comes with time. He needs to slow down and not go climbing as much if you guys want it to work out. But the answer to OP on if you guys will work out is: Completely you and him's choice. But if you want the answer to be yes, it won't be easy. And that's with every relationship.

"Like because.. love despite."

And watch this video too: youtube.com/watch?v=9tVkWYv…

Hope this helps.

How many of you climbers still talk about climbing all of the time, read the mags, and all of that? Aren't you bored with that yet? Maybe go see a good movie sometime.

You remind me of that guy in high school that had to talk about weed all of the time. Just buy it, smoke it, and shut up about it. Take some amphetamines once in a while.

Tim Stich wrote: How many of you climbers still talk about climbing all of the time, read the mags, and all of that? Aren't you bored with that yet? Maybe go see a good movie sometime.

You remind me of that guy in high school that had to talk about weed all of the time. Just buy it, smoke it, and shut up about it. Take some amphetamines once in a while.

Wait, there are other  things to talk about instead of climbing? Mind blown!

Tim Stich wrote: How many of you climbers still talk about climbing all of the time, read the mags, and all of that? Aren't you bored with that yet? Maybe go see a good movie sometime.

You remind me of that guy in high school that had to talk about weed all of the time. Just buy it, smoke it, and shut up about it. Take some amphetamines once in a while.

Having someone take amphetamines might not be the best tactic if you want them to shut up. ;)