Childfree because I don't want to fuck up my climbing; husband not happy

We all know hiking sucks so if that is what's holding your marriage together...  

how would you feel if he was the one who changed his mind to keep his freedom???  Definatly do NOT have the kids if you are not 100% shure that you want them.....

Honestly you probably shouldn't have got married to a person if the fact that them changing their mind on kids would cause a divorce. If I was to marry someone I think they should be more important than kids.

I can't believe I forgot to mention this:  other people having kids is a waste of time, since my daughter is like 100,000+ times better than all of them combined.  Don't believe me?  Check my Failbook page.

MOM CLIMBER HERE. I'm a 28 year-old climber with two little kids. I've enjoyed climbing before kids, during pregnancy and after.  I have been able to travel continually with climbing and have consistently improved in  my climbing. If you're legit and really interested in knowing more I'd be more than happy to share my experience in greater detail via email kschneider@alpinedistrict.org  . I have many mom climber friends and non-mom married female climber friends' experience to draw from as well. 

 My husband saw this thread, showed me and today I FINALLY made my own MP account just so I could respond... cheers. 

I would give up climbing for my kids in a heartbeat.   IMO it's pretty shortsighted to think about NEVER having kids or a kid just for climbing.   The good news is you don't have to give up climbing if you want to have kids.   

Whatever happened to Hellanor?

Viper. if half of the marridge can't have kids because of a medical issue well you love them and that is who you married. perhaps it is time to consider adopting?  On the other end of the spectrum if half a marridge that was planning on haveing kids suddenly decides they don't want to give up their freedom....  maybe you just saw a selfish side of that person that you were not really aware of........

ViperScale wrote:

Honestly you probably shouldn't have got married to a person if the fact that them changing their mind on kids would cause a divorce. If I was to marry someone I think they should be more important than kids.

Flawed logic on so many levels.  

Kudos to the OP (giving her the benefit of the doubt that she isn't trolling) for being honest with herself about all this.  Can't say that I would seek advice on this topic from MP of all places, but it makes for interesting discussion.

There are times in life where you reach a cross roads and must decide which way to go, and there is no going back.  It's a decision that only you can make, and I wish you luck.  Be honest with yourself, first and foremost.  Then be honest with your partner.

FWIW, I am a parent of two young boys and of course the realities of parenthood requires some real sacrifice, but the joy they bring to my life is incomparable to anything else I've ever experienced.  

I don't get the assumption that no kids == selfish. The world has way more than enough people. We will all be better off if everyone stops feeling compelled to reproduce like rabbits.

the choice to not have kids is not selfish.  I agree that there are too many people in the world allready.  To have an ageement of the magnitude of yes we want to have a family and then decide to back out of that for the stated purpose of keeping your freedom is  what we find to be selfish.......

It really depends on the pool you will drop them off at daily. No pool nearby? Drop the kids off, go send. Words to live by.

4 pages and only 4 women respond - the rest dudes.  LOL.  OK I'm a dad, my wife doesn't climb bt supports me doing so... so for the sake of getting out, it does affect you but you can make it work if your partner supports you.  Body wise, no dude here can tell you for sure - and shouldn't.  But... I've seen enough moms kill it; women are more resilient than men and frankly, better natural climbers (IMHO because of flexibility and balance; men tend to muscle up).   however, if you ask me to choose between my kids and climbing there are days I'd pause before answering (OMG teens...), but 10000000% I would take them over climbing.  It's something you don't see until you have your own.  Fortunately, I can have both.  

Everyone needs to find their meaning in life, whatever that is.  If the decision you make is un-reversable and a forever decision... be absolutely sure, then choose to be you.

So much mansplaining.

Nick Goldsmith wrote:

Viper. if half of the marridge can't have kids because of a medical issue well you love them and that is who you married. perhaps it is time to consider adopting?  On the other end of the spectrum if half a marridge that was planning on haveing kids suddenly decides they don't want to give up their freedom....  maybe you just saw a selfish side of that person that you were not really aware of........

Or maybe they are like me and know the history of medical problems in the family DNA and would not want to have kids for fear of what they will have to deal with from medical issues. Having to watch 3 family members with alzheimer makes me never want to have kids for fear they will have to deal with it one day.

Heck I don't even want to get married for fear that one day I will get it and don't want my wife to have to deal with it. Although the only people in my family line who has ever had it is females so I don't think my chance is high for getting it but I don't know.

I agree with JK.  You got on this site to ask what we (a community of die hard climbers) had to say?  It sounds more like you got on to find a community of people that would support your view that climbing (and a hot body) are more important than kids.  You along with the millions of other women (and men for that matter) who place a high value on "looks," or its contemporary substitute: "fitness," are in for a rude awakening when your body doesn't look, or perform the same anymore.

I'm 62 and fighting to keep up.  I now do other things more than climbing, although I can't let go of the bug, it still whips me around and makes huge demands on me.  I agree, I still love it, and even if on some days I can only crank down a "mere" 5.8, so what, I get a lot of pleasure out of it.

But, climbing doesn't even compare with being a father of three, one of whom is older than you and doesn't appear to want children either.  But being a parent (and a soccer coach, and surrogate father who takes my kid's friends around doing things, such as camping, skiing, and climbing), is the ultimate.  BTW, having a wife who is my best friend, and who I long to bring with me every time I leave for a climbing trip, is even better, with or without kids.

Time for you to do some soul searching.  Whatever way you come out is fine.  Just don't fool yourself into thinking climbing is the answer to all your needs and aspirations.

Jane W wrote:

I love how my body looks, how healthy and powerful it is, and what it can do on the rocks. I also value my free time and our ability to get out of town on the weekends for climbing (for me) and hiking (us) trips. So my feelings about kids have changed and I think I've decided against ever having kids.

There's more to life than climbing. I know, I know, it's sacrilegious to say this on a climbing forum, but it's true. I'm not trying to persuade you to have kids, but trying to get you think about making this decision purely based on climbing. You're 30-something now, will you feel the same when you're 50? When you're 70? Fred Beckey is the only person I know who gave his whole life to climbing and nothing else, all other climbers found some balance between other parts of life (family, friends, work) and climbing. In the end I think your life will be richer if you can find a balance.

I love climbing. I quit my job to go climbing, I've lived the dirtbag life (and not the one with a nice sprinter van setup), so I understand it can be an all-encompassing passion. But in the grand scheme of things, it's just a hobby, quite a pointless one really. I was indifferent about having kids, my wife was the one who really wanted to have kids. But now I have a 3-year-old boy and a 9-month-old girl, I found myself really enjoy being a dad. I enjoy spending time with my kids as much as I enjoy going outside and climb. That was quite unexpected.

Nick Goldsmith wrote:

Ewww, that is just disgusting. 

How can she even think about racking her biners gate out. 

ViperScale wrote:

Or maybe they are like me and know the history of medical problems in the family DNA and would not want to have kids for fear of what they will have to deal with from medical issues. Having to watch 3 family members with alzheimer makes me never want to have kids for fear they will have to deal with it one day.

Heck I don't even want to get married for fear that one day I will get it and don't want my wife to have to deal with it. Although the only people in my family line who has ever had it is females so I don't think my chance is high for getting it but I don't know.

What a strange attitude you have.  Certainly, there are some very rare, heritable medical conditions that would make anyone think twice before having kids.  But Alzheimer's?  Even if you do end up having to live through its horrors, you're likely to be in your 60's or beyond.  Your children grown and able to fend for themselves.  Plenty of time to live a long and fruitful life.  Is life not worth it?