SELF CHECK

I didn’t realize how in need of it I was until last night, when I got accused of flaming a thread that I sincerely thought I was contributing to in a positive way. I usually shake off the attacks and criticisms because passing snap judgments and flaming are such common practices on these websites. I guess I allowed myself to be okay with this because I had convinced myself that it was just academic debating. No faces or identities – just the topic. Consequently, it has been easy for me to keep it impersonal, so I thought. After all, I came to the site at a time when I was nursing serious injuries and couldn’t do much outdoors - with actual people. I had convinced myself that being honest and fair-minded were enough and that online folks would have to just deal with their personal insecurities about what I had to say. I guess the lack of face-to-face contact, in conjunction with being kept away from the sport that I love, had made me hard.

Well, that has changed. Several events have occurred over the past five months that have finally made me realize that you folks aren’t just words in a topic. Before I go any further, I want to offer you my sincere apology for that. It was my shortcoming not to consider people’s feelings when calling them out on issues. I forgot to treat you like human beings, and the result was that my messages, regardless of relevance, were being rejected because of my lack of tact.

Climbing has been the best part of my life for the past three decades because of the real-life friendships that it has afforded me, and I realize now that, because of my Internet style, I have been slowly sabotaging everything that was ever important to me about this sport (the camaraderie and friendships with other climbers). I didn’t think much about it while reclusively tucked away in my studio in SLC, licking my wounds, but being back in Boulder, where I have a lot of history, has woken me up to the fact that I need to approach these Internet relationships as though we are face to face.

The reality is that I am a pretty thoughtful guy, and I want people to feel that when they approach me in person. Since moving back to Boulder, and actually getting out to the crags, I have met some of you, and you are great folks - not at all what I expected from some of the online spitting matches. Mark Nelson, Dave Holliday, Kirra, and others are super friendly. Kirra and I have come to verbal blows in some of these forums, but we got along great in person. I never hang out in bars, but we talked for hours and closed down Seven. Mark, I’m sorry that we didn’t get to talk more. I hadn’t seen Bob Horan and Moe Hershoff in awhile, and I got caught up in old times. I hope we get a chance to chat next time.

To Kevin Stricker, Darren Mabe, and the other locals whom I haven't met, all thread wars aside, you seem like good people. I am getting back into the scene, and I am pretty certain that we will eventually run into each other, so I want you to know that I will approach you with the premise in mind that we are all decent people doing what we mutually love, and I will be friendly and treat you with common courtesy when we meet. I hope that you will extend me the same courtesy. Hopefully we will become friends or at least friendly acquaintances. This extends to non-locals as well. To Jim Scott, I can’t say that I blame you for your reaction to me. I can be a real piece of work when I get on my soapbox, but, as I said, I am much less judgmental and more friendly in person. I hope that you will consider that if we run into each other along the way.

Again, my humble apologies to everyone, for the protracted attitude. I have been walking around with a pretty big thorn in my foot since I got injured, and Betsy helped me to finally extract it, last night.

Cheers,

Ken

Ken, "good on you, man"

I am finding that as I become less judgmental of myself, I am less judgmental of others.

Also, along the same lines, I really like that most people use their real name here at MP. In general, I think this makes people more civil and more accountable for their actions, and it creates a greater sense of community than if we were all veiled behind some "stage name".

Ken,

Sounds like MP.com brought about some personal development and I'm glad you shared this. I look forward to your post in the future, you will be another of many valuable resources on mp.com.

"No worries"

jw

I agree Brett, I never signed up for rc.com and it took me a long time to sign on with mp.com. The real names is what brought me in and not until I moved from Boulder. I felt a lack of community here in Atlanta(until recently) and MP.com helped with that. I hope as it grows and more people join that what is stated above can be preserved.

Very nice!!!! This is more than just a website to me. It is an extension of our lifestyle and passion. We are a community of climbers who share so much in life other than climbing itself. We are all on the same team....well most of us are anyway. Kind of a brotherhood if you will(and sisterhood). A big cyber hug for Ken!!!!!

Ken,

Great post.

John

Ken,
Next time I see you, I'm giving you a hug.

Ken Cangi wrote: when I got accused of flaming a thread that I sincerely thought I was contributing to in a positive way.

You tend to do that quite a bit, don't you. Maybe you should cross post this to other forums as well.

ken, thanks for the nice post...
i think it is a good redemption. i always wondered
why this guy would post like he did, and advertise
his business(personal photo thing) at the same time.
kudos man, keep it real. hope to see you at the
crags, or southern sun! cory

"The dude abides"

KC - if you ever feel up for any DougCo stuff drop a line.

Props to you Ken. It is one thing to think and decide (to change) something privately, it is completely another to state it publicly. Let me just say, as a person whom you pissed off more than once, you got stones!

Bob D'Antonio wrote:Good job Ken...unlike Greg...Next time I see you...I not giving you a hug.

Just because you're hugging a man doesn't mean you like him that way.

Ken, it's definitely an interesting progression trying to figure out how one comes across to others over this sort of medium. Our own perceptions are often influenced by friends and detractors alike. I've gone years back and read stuff I wrote and just cringe now.

Tim Stich wrote: I've gone years back and read stuff I wrote and just cringe now.

I still do that.

Ken,

By posting that, you displayed the same courage that I think you drew upon to climb those hard, scary routes before your injury. Your post shows that you still have it. I think it also shows that you're a good guy.

Nice onsight...

I agree with everyone here about the cajones it takes to do this. I just hope that we don't totally lose the (slightly) tongue-in-cheek humor.

This is sad news...

does this mean we won't have anymore heavyweight matchups between Ken and Tony?

No more defending Potter? No more brazen attacks on Kirra? Has hell frozen over too?

John J. Glime wrote:Has hell frozen over too?

Ice is meant for climbing....luv ya Ken..!!

though now i'm being stalked offline...there is much to be said for staying away from online BS and removing embedded thorns ~ GROUP HUG..!!!

(Mark N. use Firefox for this thread)

Russ Walling wrote:Kirra wrote: though now i'm being stalked offline...Stalkers.... {{{snicker}}} Yeah right..... KB™ even in this thread? Shameful..

...your one step away from a court appearance RW™

Danged Exploder kept exploding.

Ken, at the end of the day we can only do the best we can do. One of the best things about this site is more personal accountability from using your name. I like being Mark instead of dumbass4539 (shut the hell up Langston).

I also appreciate the opportunity to meet other climbers wherever I go. It's tougher down in the Splatte to meet others because of the backcountry feel to some of the areas, but I think more climbers are pulling together. Maybe when I finally get tossed in the slammer for climbing on some rocks, some of you guys can send me a card or two.

Anyhoo, I think the exchanges online are, for the most part & in general, pretty positive regarding topic discussions even if tangents get thrown in. Once it starts getting personal to the point of insult, maybe it's just time to step away & do something else.

Mark Nelson wrote:One of the best things about this site is more personal accountability from using your name.

I couldn't agree more with you Mark Nelson. It's nice to know peoples real names. I've had some real positive feedback from the forums - no hiding for people like us. People can agree or disagree with our opinions/behavior. Either way, I feel we're held accountable.

And, for the record Ms. KB(is it really Kirra?) before you cast stones and make threats perhaps you should look at your own behavior both online and off. You have a history of sending out unsolicited nasty hate emails to people. That said, I will request yet AGAIN to please do not ever email me directly. Your thoughts, delusions and bs are of no interest to me. If you feel you have a gripe with me.... TOO BAD.

~Susan Peplow

Ken, it's easy to admit your wrong when you are, but I'm never wrong, so what am I supposed to do?

Seriously, come to Tucson, I'll hold your rope.

Cheers

Ken, it's great that you're able to step back and reflect on your own behavior and change it..... most people can't choke back their pride enough to admit when they need to change. Like other people have stated, I think most of us have said stuff online that we never would say to people if we were face to face and actually took the time to get to know people.

It was awesome and crazy to finally meet a bunch of MP.comers at the Southern Sun last night, people who were just names and online personalities to me for the last couple of years. People can be so different in person, and it was great to finally meet everyone.

Good luck getting back into the scene Ken, and maybe I'll see you around, I'll be the one swearing on some 5.10.......