your dream sponsor

The US government. One-time fee for lifetime park access pass and a monthly check for all the climbing you do. You don't have to climb hard, look presentable, wear a go-pro or have a podcast or anything. Just be a boomer or older. Thanks in advance to all the non-boomers and older who are contributing to that monthly check. 

Mackenzie Scott!

ilya fwrote:

if you could get sponsored by ONE (1) climbing gear focused company, which would it be? the rule that i am making up is, if you use a product category that they produce, you have to use one of their products. but those products are then free to you. any other category and you're paying for your own stuff but can use whatever you want. so like, if you choose petzl, you can use only their ropes (since they make ropes), their biners (since they make biners), their belay devices (same) and you get them for free, and soon you'll need to use their cams and give up your totems. but since they don't make nuts you could use DMM nuts for example. etc. discuss!

Mountain Equipment. An English company established 1961. They've stuck to the knitting and have not sold out. Specialists in mountaineering apparel and equipment. An excellent company.

Glenlivet.

Library of America. Because eventually it gets dark. 

Minnesota Government, 

dave custer for President!

Leukotape..

Allen's Coffee Brandy

Yeezy

The North Face seems to really really super not care about athlete performance, so as an athlete without the genetics to perform I'm going with that

Fruit stripe gum. Already got the pants

Grocery Outlet 

Pornhub. No question

Flextrex for sure, but I’m no Steve Climber, so sponsorship is a long shot.

Edit: just realized JW beat me to it! Lots of competition for that sponsorship!

Exxon Mobile™

While in grad school I made my first trip to Europe for a conference and did a wee bit of climbing my grandmother gave me some spending money. She also gave me spending money for a few other trips that sometimes or sometimes did not involve climbing. As such, I have a patch somewhere that says "Sponsored by Grandmother." Seemed fitting.

Rock City Pizza

BD - they got the whole range of goodies for a climber from a-z. Shoes, harnesses, carabiners, pro, aid gear, backpacks, clothing, etc, etc..... and its all super good enough, if not great.
This means more money in my pocket to do the shit I love with heaps of gear I know can be replaced with zero impact to my bottom line.