Getting back to climbing after big fall + PTSD tips

Jon Isom wrote:

i can recommend EMDR for processing trauma and moving through it in a way that’s quicker and more effective than talk or exposure therapy. I’ve used it after bike accidents so not climbing specific.

it’s also been really helpful to me to cry when I need to cry, say when I’m scared, move how my body wants to move, etc. 

Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing (EMDR). Evolved to treat single event traumatic experiences. 

I saw my best friend in two pieces on fire from a motorcycle accident. I quit riding on the spot. Two years later simo soloing my partner fell off the top of Odells Gully in Hunnington ravine. I assumed he was dead. While down climbing south gully to go find his body I told myself that I was not going to give up climbing. My partner did survive that accident but I drifted away from climbing for about 4 years..  When I came back it was the right time and I immersed myself in the climbing culture.  Its different for everyone but my thought would be don't push it. Just get lots of easy miles and have fun. 

Lots of great posts and advice here, so just wanted to offer my support. I’ve gone through this. When it’s time to get back on the sharp end, you’ll know. Sending good vibes. 

I you happen to have Reel Rock access, the film "Dropping Molly" that just came out very much tells the story of returning to climbing after a traumatic fall -- even showing some of the athlete's therapy process: https://watch.reelrocktour.com/videos/dropping-molly

B Y wrote:

I just want to say that I think you and any other climber that is lucky enough to speak about an experience like yours and navigating themselves back into it is the epitome of grit. While I have nothing to offer in terms of helpful advice, I just want to voice my support for your return to climbing and all those who are having a similar experience to the OP . Keep it goin. 

Much agreed, super badass!! Major, major kudos to you 

Hi! This post really resonates with me because I had really bad PTSD after a traumatic fall last year. I had a compound fracture and broke my ankle and had 2 surgeries, got helicoptered out, etc. My PTSD manifested in nightmares and constant flashbacks of my bone popping out of my leg (still can never get that image out of my mind). That said, I've made a ton of progress mentally and physically since then, so here's what worked for me:

Mentally:

1. Therapy - immediately sought out therapy so that I could sleep at night and be functional during the day. I found a great therapist through Octave that specialized in PTSD/trauma. Super helpful and noticed very clear progress over a period of 4-6 months (i.e. less frequent nightmares/flashbacks, able to finally touch/look at my gear from that day, could look at my scar with no problem, walked by the crag that it happened with no reaction, etc.)
2. Meditation - got pretty deep into my own mindfulness practice. Has been valuable for me still now in self-awareness and noticing my thought patterns
3. The Body Keeps the Score, by Bessel Van Der Kolk: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma - this book is the ultimate holy grail about trauma. Was very valuable for learning about how trauma is stored in the body. Highly recommend for understanding what is going on in your mind and body and how it's all interconnected

Physically:

1. Physical therapy - almost 1 year of PT. I still don't have full ankle mobility, but the last bit of mobility may not ever come :( it hasn't restricted me from anything really though. I asked my surgeon "will my ankle ever feel normal again?" and he said "you have a new ankle. This is the new normal." Don't use your previous capability as a bar to hit
2. Calisthenics/weight lifting - I have background in both of these to some degree, so I really leaned into doing upper body work while I was unable to use my leg. Bought some home equipment and set goals around particular progressions and worked through those.
3. Yoga - great mindfulness and body awareness training as well. Mostly doing stuff that I could balance on my good leg and my arms.

Returning to climbing/other sports: 

• Go slow. I started with TR'ing in the gym, building up my endurance, going to leading very low grade stuff, then gradually bumping up grades. For me, I tried to work on one thing at a time (building up endurance via top roping to my limits vs mental training on lead).
• Communicate to partners what I've been through so they have an understanding of my headspace. I'm super vocal about what's going on for me mentally after getting down from a route (i.e. wow that's the first time I've felt gripping fear again after getting above a bolt, I feel frustrated that I'm not as strong as I was, but am trying to give myself some grace, etc.). Shout out to my patient belay partners who have listened to me talk endlessly about my inner thoughts haha
• Climbing outside: I try to enforce strict boundaries on myself before the day starts and communicate them to the group. I.e. I'm not leading anything today, I'm not leading anything above XX grade, I'm only going down runs of this level. It can be so tempting in adventure sports to be peer pressured into doing something harder than you're ready for. Each trip I would make a small bump up in what I was comfortable with boundary-wise. I feel a lot more empowered to say "nah I'm good " now and not feel like a total wimp :)

It's hard for me to give this advice because I can barely believe it myself, but we've been through a lot!! And it's okay to feel scared, weak, and not okay sometimes, but try to have some self-compassion for what you've gone through. You got this!! It's a journey, take it slow and just appreciate the sport for what it is :)

I just started EMDR therapy for single event trauma related to a 30 foot groundfall. 

So far so good but far from over. 

I think I remember reading about your fall; glad to see you’re on the mend. EMDR can be great. Have you looked into supplementing it with ketamine therapy? There are tons of clinics in the Denver/boulder area

Jared E wrote:

I think I remember reading about your fall; glad to see you’re on the mend. EMDR can be great. Have you looked into supplementing it with ketamine therapy? There are tons of clinics in the Denver/boulder area

Combining different modalities is not optimal and would be discouraged. Better to complete a single intervention, review and assess at end. If there is not a remission of symptoms then another empirically supported treatment may then be considered. 

Colin Rowe wrote:

Combining different modalities is not optimal and would be discouraged. Better to complete a single intervention, review and assess at end. If there is not a remission of symptoms then another empirically supported treatment may then be considered. 

In the interest of avoiding thread drift and squabbling on Becca’s post, I’m not going to offer a counter argument to your post except to say that adjuvant ketamine/emdr isn’t uncommon and a KAP certified therapist  I’ve spoken to spoke of it positively. It may be that, as happens very often, standards deviate between the US and UK.

Addressing Becca, it should go without saying but if adjuvant therapy is a path youre interested in pursuing obviously discuss it with your therapist and/or psychiatrist 

Glad you're healing! I see that you already said, "besides exposure therapy" but I'll just say that falling a LOT in the gym is what helped me more than anything else I tried.  I fell so often for a while that I forgot that I was there to regain my lead head because it just became an insignificant and expected event.  It sucked at first, but I'm now happy that I just kept doing it anyway.

I still get a little freaked out sometimes if I haven't fallen in a while but it's not a whole lot different than before my injury put me in a wheelchair for a couple months.

Hope you figure something out that works for you and you can enjoy it again!  

Limping… great to “see” your back at it. 

I'm curious if you continue to take small practice falls? You did not mention that in your OP. But this was one way for me to overcome my elevated fear after the fall I took. The same mechanism that made you mistrust the ropes / climbing setup can do the opposite for you. Your fear or confidence is nothing more than a mental calculation of your risks and somewhere in those calculations you have a "bug". Let your mind to debug it by experiencing and being aware of all risk components. 

rock climbing wrote:

So me falling and smashing  my face on the on pavement is in my mind? She is not afraid of what could happen she is afraid of what happened before. Unless she looses that memory her mind will always say Fuck not this again.

Heavy drinking and lots of drugs is the only cure. I sure climbing is worth it  

Practice falls are not for smashing the face unless you are already on drugs. They exactly produce fear training and tolerance and are done in controlled manner. Being afraid of the past doesn't make any sense for me. It should always be about the present moment or future, but again you can twist your mind in any direction you want. 

I know at least one person who broke their knee taking a practice fall.  They are fine if short, controlled and perfect . Intentionally taking big whips is for the young and dumb. A better plan is to just climb lots of easy stuff  and get the miles in until you feel like climbing something a little harder . Just take it how in comes... 

This stuck out to me cause I had a similar experience. I learned to trad climb as a teenager and as I got in to my late teens I began trying to onsight routes near my physical limit and then trying routes that had finicky gear.

I had some positive experiences that bolstered my ego above my actual experience level.

I chose to try and onsight a route with some poor thin gear and fell just after the crux, ripped most of the gear out and fell about 30 feet to the ground. This happened right on the heels of a friend having a similar accident that ended their life.

Afterwards, climbing in any form at any level was wicked scary.

Ultimately, I realized I still wanted to climb and trad climb specifically.

The first step was just finding the magic in climbing so to speak. For me, it was big long moderate trad climbs where I felt really in control the whole time and just got to enjoy moving on rock and being out there. For a period of time, I even felt uneasy sitting in to my harness at belays. 

The second thing was having some REALLY solid partners. As a teenager, I would rope up with pretty much anyone. That’s not the case anymore.
A solid partner who you unquestioningly trust can make a lot of difference in how confident you feel climbing. I have like maybe 4 people who I would go climb anything with

After that, I chose to push myself on to routes where I knew I may fall because I wanted to climb THAT particular route.
Lots of climbers do things because they feel like they “have” to or because there’s external pressures from other climbers in there community (intentional or otherwise) 

I realized I’m just going to climb things that I’m excited about climbing. Maybe I fall, maybe I send. It took time, but the fear of being above gear on hard moves went away as I just focused on enjoying all the other good parts of climbing.

Even now, I sometimes call for a take instead of going for it

rock climbing wrote:

Please stop trolling this thread.

Thank you everyone else for the helpful comments.

I know a lot about PTSD not specific to climbing or accidents. I give you so much credit for returning to lead climbing. What I know to be important is to not force exposure therapy, but try it gradually. More importantly, meet yourself where you’re at and have compassion and respect for yourself exactly as you are right now. You don’t want to push so hard that it’s retraumatizing. 

Time helps, connection helps. So opening up to people you can trust to support you. If someone responded with “everyone has a hard life, get over it” then they have their own issues preventing them from holding space. I’m so sorry anyone made it worse afterwards because what you went through sounds beyond terrifying, and awful. What you’re doing sounds right. EMDR is all about staying embodied and present through the triggers. Don’t lose hope! Be gentle with yourself and know you’re on the right track. You also have a ton of insight so I hope that you realize you can trust yourself. 

Yes the most powerful therapeutic tool has been keeping a good support system. Unfortunately, some friends tried to profiteer off my trauma and weaponize it against me. They blamed me for it and called me a narcissist for asking for sensitivity and care only a few months after my head injury (stroke, coma) and other injuries... It made intensive outpatient therapy all the more harder. Having the opposite of a good support system was what really made that time so difficult. Thankfully, I think I'm past that now and can finally look ahead and turn the page. Time, space, quiet, and good people are the keys that have been helping me.

I've done EMDR for a few years and we're tackling this trauma now too haha. I think it'll be ok. Thanks for the care and encouragement, Alaina. Really appreciate it.

Becca Joy Steinbrecher wrote:

I'll probably be a granny climber for a long time, just go out for the adventure, not chase grades, get lots of mileage. While climbing, I'm over-gripping, not trusting my body even though I can do the moves fine on TR, not having relaxed breath, et. Climbing is way more effortful now. It reminds me how I climbed 11 years ago when first starting. My anxiety in general is sky high post injury.

this stood out to me, because it seems like "granny climber" is pejorative towards yourself. My advice is, don't let the mainstream ethos of pushing grades define what climbing means to YOU. You've decided you love climbing enough to continue doing it, so allow yourself to choose your own battles and not feel pressured to fight the battles that others think you should fight. If getting on lead on "easy" terrain (or whatever goal is right for YOU) is a battle that YOU've decided is worth fighting, mental or physical or both, that doesn't make you a "granny" or "soft." It gives you your own language in which to commune with the mountain, which is now truly personal, much more so than the language of chasing grades by default.