Best partner quote(s)?

On the way to major backcountry powder day, my buddy Tom reading the weather report with some embellishments:

“The probability of precipitation is higher than Bob Marley’s backup band!”

Partner leading out of sight above:

"The climbing is hard, the rock is rotten, but at least the protection is poor".

Belay partner to climbing partner, "If you hear me vomit, I still have you on belay!"

highaltitudeflatulentexpulsionwrote:

At the base of the West Face of El Cap, early start because it’s going to be a long day. My friend turns to me and says

“Dude, do you have my shoes?”

In view of your posting 'handle' and the somewhat alimentary topic already explored in a couple of earlier contributions I was expecting something a bit more graphically impressive than ******* shoes! So disappointed....

Stop that you jug crimping weirdo that's why you keep getting pumped out

1984, on The Prow, physically dehydrated and mentally fried, try to eat some food at the end of the day, everything turning to sawdust in my mouth. My partner says, "If you can't be hungry, be greedy!"

Not climbing related, but an important lesson I learned from a coworker one day. 

It was a hot day in Arnold, CA up in the Sierra foothills working lot clearing for rich bay area folk's luxurious second homes. Fortunately it's heavily wooded and absolutely gorgeous. After four hours of raking leaves, weed whacking, and chain sawing, Mario (who's entire command of the English language is the phrase "mucho good" which he makes sure to use numerous times a day) and I take a lunch break. 

Mario loves the word pendejo, and uses it extremely liberally. He tells a story about back in Michoacán, with absolutely every person involved being introduced as that pendejo. Mario finishes the story, and I turn to him and ask, Mario, ¿quién no es un pendejo? 

He puts his fingers to his chin and looks off to the distance pondering who is and is not a pendejo. A short while later he turns to me and replies: 

Todos son pendejos. (Everyone is a pendejo) 

Now to be fair, Mario was the biggest pendejo of them all, but I will forever be grateful for the wisdom he shared that day, and I will always remember for as long as I live, that todos son pendejos. 

My partner and I top out on a narrow summit. There is barely enough room for both of us to sit, peak falls away on all sides; downclimbing and rappelling are in our future. My partner:

"Dude, I gotta shit." I said or did nothing, didn't move. He looks at me and says,

"You gonna turn your head, or what?"

The rest was, shall we say, in the pudding.

To protect both the guilty and innocent, I offer the following in anonymous form, yelled during an exchange between climber and belayer in Eldorado Canyon, back in the '80s when the Trad vs. Rad wars were raging and the belayer was (with good-hearted intentions) maybe throwing out a little too much slack during efforts to link the crux sections on a recently established test-piece:

"Fucking quit that, ********!!! This isn't California! You don't get extra points for how far you fall!!"

One I think of and repeat often, best read in its original deadpan German accent:

"Pumped ist only an emotion"

I’ve got that. Next go, for sure. 

My favorite one is still from the late, great Nathan Roberts, but it wasnt the words, it was the delivery. 

We were simuling an 80 meter enduro pitch and I was so gassed that I went in direct to a bolt on lead to avoid whipping on the micro traxion between us. 80 meters below, he didnt know that I was resting, and to maintain a free ascent he was desperately laybacking in place to keep me "on belay". After a leisurely rest I continued upwards to the top of the pitch. By the time he got to the top of Perry's Layback,still free, he was the most pumped he had ever been in his life. Underclinging rightwards he was yelling literally at the top of his lungs "HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHITTT!!!!!" and he fired it to the chains. His stoke and tenacity was contagious and uncontained. RIP Buddy. 

Where's Waldenwrote:

My favorite one is still from the late, great Nathan Roberts, but it wasnt the words, it was the delivery. 

We were simuling an 80 meter enduro pitch and I was so gassed that I went in direct to a bolt on lead to avoid whipping on the micro traxion between us. 80 meters below, he didnt know that I was resting, and to maintain a free ascent he was desperately laybacking in place to keep me "on belay". After a leisurely rest I continued upwards to the top of the pitch. By the time he got to the top of Perry's Layback,still free, he was the most pumped he had ever been in his life. Underclinging rightwards he was yelling literally at the top of his lungs "HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHITTT!!!!!" and he fired it to the chains. His stoke and tenacity was contagious and uncontained. RIP Buddy. 

Hero moment!

Former partner of mine would get into this state when leading at his limit which sounded like:

"Oh God

Oh God 

F@#$ me

Oh God

Oh it hurts

Oh God 

How'd you even get a finger in there?

Oh God that hurts

TAKE hold me hold me HOLD ME"

I always wondered how many families turned back on the trail after coming within earshot of us.

highaltitudeflatulentexpulsionwrote:

At the base of the West Face of El Cap, early start because it’s going to be a long day. My friend turns to me and says

“Dude, do you have my shoes?”

This exact thing happened to me, but it was at the base of Pingora.  Luckily, the party ahead of us on the route bailed after Pitch 1, and one of them lent me his climbing shoes

My partner: "I want to see Jesus."

Me: "We are about 20 minutes away."

In actuality it was not Jesus but Our Lady of the Rockies which is a huge statue above Butte Montana. We were driving back from the Canadian Rockies, it was really late and I asked about stoping for the night. That was my partner's reply. Which was all the more funny because he was driving and his face was eerily lighted up by the vehicle dashboard.

My own personal favorite quote as I am putting someone on belay with lots of other people around is "How does this thing work again?" 

A couple of friends of mine were doing a route and the guy coming up second was having a hard time with one section and yelled “ up rope harder I’m not moving.”

"Say 'what' again, I dare you, I double dare you motherfucker, say what one more Goddamn time! "

Another one I just thought of: 

I was following a 5.10 pitch about 300 feet up a dome in Tuolumne and my partner yells down.

 "Wait, wait! Don't move! 

THE ROPE CAME OUT OF THE GRIGRI!!!"

 I hadn't been on belay for the whole pitch. He has just never had me on belay. 

Three other friends and I were climbing at Red Rock, two parties of two on adjacent routes. I topped out my route said out loud to myself, "Where is XX and XX?"

I hear a voice from a slightly lower anchor around the corner reply, "I may have sent them to their deaths." I look over and ALEX HONNOLD smiles up at me. "You can rap off the route using my anchor, but I'm not completely sure it touches it ground. You can single strand rap and I'll drop your rope. You may have to scramble a bit though" I laugh, and after belaying my partner, we traverse over to his anchor and set up our rap. 

Once there, Honnold looks me dead in the eyes and says, "This is what I do on my rest days, I like to sandbag other climbers."