Should I Break Up with my Climbing Partner?

The question is, do you trust your partner to belay you properly? If not, then break up. If someone is brand new to belaying mistakes are bound to happen but someone who has been belaying for 3 years should not be giving enough slack to cause a ground fall.

curt86irocwrote:

 it's a gym...who fails someone for "too hard of a catch" inside????

Gym tests can be a joke. I gave my partner a perfect soft catch and the tester made me do it again because I didn't bend my knees enough for his liking before jumping.

Andrew Cwrote:

The rappel slip, as there are a few questions. My partner was on a tether line, to a bolt, on the GriGri with a stopper knot, and he was also tied into the doubled main rope at the master point with a 3rd hand. So he lowered himself over the ledge on the tether, cranked on the GriGri too hard, descended out of control some, and eventually caught himself on the GriGri / tether before hitting the stopper.

LOL, I hope you didn't think this cleared up any previous questions because all it actually did was to create even more new questions.

Mike zzzwrote:

The question is, do you trust your partner to belay you properly? If not, then break up. If someone is brand new to belaying mistakes are bound to happen but someone who has been belaying for 3 years should not be giving enough slack to cause a ground fall.

Gym tests can be a joke. I gave my partner a perfect soft catch and the tester made me do it again because I didn't bend my knees enough for his liking before jumping.

I would tell that person to go fuck themselves (ahem, tactfully, of course) and ask where their nearest competition is so you can climb there instead.  If the same thing happens at the next gym, go with whoever has the best facility/routes.

I think the OP is omitting the most important characteristics of a climbing partner:

Do they share their crag snacks?

Are they pitching in with the top-out beers?

Do they bring their own gear?… if not, are they at least carrying some of yours?

… if it’s a girl, is she single?

Focus on what matters.

Slight tangent.

Why is this in the injuries & accidents forum?

Anticipating pain from the BREAK up?

Jeremy Lwrote:

Slight tangent.

Why is this in the injuries & accidents forum?

It's common for near miss situations to be posted in the injuries and accidents forum. Since the OP led (har har) with the situation in the gym of the partner taking their hand off the brake strand and "The staff was convinced I would have decked at that moment in a fall"  the forum choice makes sense, especially if the OP was hoping for comments based upon the possible injuries and accidents that would come from staying with such a partner whereas posting this in the general forum would probably yield a few more off-of-that-topic responses. 

Andrew Cwrote:

The rappel slip, as there are a few questions. My partner was on a tether line, to a bolt, on the GriGri with a stopper knot, and he was also tied into the doubled main rope at the master point with a 3rd hand. So he lowered himself over the ledge on the tether, cranked on the GriGri too hard, descended out of control some, and eventually caught himself on the GriGri / tether before hitting the stopper.

So.....using a tether and grigri to get ready to rappel on the main, two rope, system? Just getting over a ledge first?? And with a backup (third hand) already set up on the main rope?

Have I got this right? I can't see how you could even make this work. Hold the grigri wide open, no brake hand on that rope, and sliding the prussik down the main ropes with the other hand??? Why the two separate systems? 

I'm new ish. That Ish place can be dangerous for climbers, so it's good of you to post, and let this be thrashed out some. Nothing here is meant to disparage, on my part, but if you (personally) don't quite know what's going on, then it gets into a huge level of trust. Those partners are out there....but they need to be picked very very carefully. I have less than a handful that qualify. 

A third hand is a term, not literally requiring a third hand to operate. If it's on one set of ropes, and the grigri is on a separate line, it's not assisting the grigri in any way, as it would for the normal rigging of an ATC type rappel on two lines.

Is this something someone came up with from rope soloing? 

I don't think you necessarily need to ditch a partner, but you sure better make certain you both understand what you are doing, what you think you are doing, and if it's what you should be doing.

Sometimes, you can become better partners.

Or not.

Best, Helen

EDIT to add, maybe the simple answer is they don't know how to properly use the grigri? Won't be the first time....

If that grigri is too complex for them, maybe an atc? 

Ackley The Improvedwrote:

If that grigri is too complex for them, maybe an atc? 

If a grigri is too complex for someone, they should not be trusted lead belaying with an ATC-style device (especially if they have shown that they're not vigilant with their brake hand as stated in the OP post)

i am not sure this person should be allowed to boulder even. 

Andrew Cwrote:

No, I haven't spoken directly to my partner yet about my growing concern. 

Sounds like he should break up with you. There’s a significant lack of communication on your side and that can get people killed.

R Gwrote:

Sounds like he should break up with you. There’s a significant lack of communication on your side and that can get people killed.

Seems to be the common denominator in all these “Dear Abby” style posts. They all lack basic communication skills. Unfortunately with things the cell phones nowadays and vr examples like this are only the tip of the iceberg of what’s to come for us all socially. 

ZT Gwrote:

Seems to be the common denominator in all these “Dear Abby” style posts. They all lack basic communication skills. Unfortunately with things the cell phones nowadays and vr examples like this are only the tip of the iceberg of what’s to come for us all socially. 

Self-help apps will be big. 

Fail Fallingwrote:

If a grigri is to complex for someone, they should not be trusted lead belaying with an ATC-style device (especially if they have shown that they're not vigilant with their brake hand as stated in the OP post)

Many grigri users I've seen are lazy with the brake hand.

Dave Olsenwrote:

Many grigri users I've seen are lazy with the brake hand.

Some folks go hands free frequently for pictures, snacks and cleaning/aid with a grigri, this isnt why people get dropped.

M Mwrote:

Some folks go hands free frequently for pictures, snacks and cleaning/aid with a grigri, this isnt why people get dropped.

And, if you use a Grigri, you need to know when that's fine....and when it isn't.

This partner seems to not get that, or using a brake hand AND the lever, to work the lower. I still haven't figured out how they could work the lever AND a prussik...with only two hands. Kinda negates anything like a hand on the brake strand, if that "third hand" wasn't even on the rope the grigri was rigged. Or....uh, why????

Best, Helen

Dave Olsenwrote:

Many grigri users I've seen are lazy with the brake hand.

Many climbers really shouldn't be lead belaying with any device. 

If you have a better option, I would go with that - as even if deaths are extremely uncommon in gyms, I have heard of a broken vertebrae from being dropped.  I know I would hold a grudge.

I have a range of partners, I try not to climb above my belayer's ability - and try to coach anything that looks off. The okay belayers I over-communicate with (e.g. watch me on this!) ... the strongest belayers, I can just focus on trying hard.

With weaker belayers I watch them closely ... if a belayer is standing like 20' from the wall with a bunch of slack out, I stop climbing and ask them to step closer to the wall and take in slack. You might think of how to incorporate what you are seeing stronger teams doing in terms of how they stand, manage slack, spot etc - and coaching this person and any other future partners.

R Gwrote:

Sounds like he should break up with you. There’s a significant lack of communication on your side and that can get people killed.

You may have noticed, if you've paid attention, I've been very open and subjective about my questions. I do want to thank the broader group here for a lot of valuable insight. And to answer your hollow assumption here, I have spoken with my partner. The conversation has been good, and we're both learning as we go.

Yep