What do you do when your partner tests positive?

He was supposed to be taking care of ME after a little surgery. He got a test last Friday morning and, myself still groggy, I was driven home by him. He wore a mask most of the time but, it being my house, I did not as much.

I have mild COPD (even have a cute little O2 tank for show) but, with this additional concern, can certainly ill afford to acquire Covid-19 during this week's recovery. So when he got the news on Sunday that his results were positive my initial reaction was reproach. If he had stuck to the plan and got tested 3 days earlier than when he finally did then I could have avoided exposure and made alternative plans.

But then I felt ashamed. The world doesn't revolve around me. My buddy had tested positive and I should be concerned over his well being.

Still, he soon headed home to Colorado where his son had already moved out of the house in order to distance. I could hear on the phone how depressed he was.But here is the thing; yesterday he lost his sense of smell and taste.

I've been looking after myself, and now that I can drive already things are OK.

But if anything can spook me now it is the prospect of a covid - Trump  revisitation.

Was my reproach out of line?

Anybody else with a regular partner that is sick?

So he knew you are a high-risk individual for multiple reasons, and was still lazy about being tested?  That's not a "The world revolves around me" situation, that's a "My friend was dangerously negligent with respect to my health" situation.  He should definitely feel bad.

Well, to be fair, he had been doing field work in Wyoming where a test was likely not possible.

Although occasioned by a condition that I am already mending from, my misfortune actually had a silver lining. The vast majority of my longest lasting and most trusting friendships have been with people no longer around.

But some of the few remaining have been conspiring behind my back in a good way.

They set up a schedule to take turns helping me out. One just came by today just to take care of some chores. Another dropped off a meal before she went to work. Yet another got me some items to winterize my watering system.

My Colorado friend shouldered the heaviest load.

And most of all they offer encouragement.

Ron, that is scary for you. I hope it works out OK. 

Ron, as long as one is doing the best they can at the time then at this point I would give them a pass. Unlike the dip shits I saw on campus yesterday all gathered around a picnic table. Though outside, they were sitting shoulder to shoulder. Only one of 7 were wearing a mask.

Did you know he didn't have the test results, but let him drive you home, anyway?

Did you ask him before the surgery if he had his test results?

What did he do wrong?

Yeah I’d say if you knew he didn’t have test results with and stuck with the plan, you made the exact same choice as he did, right or wrong. He didn’t know the test was going to test positive anymore than you did.

Totally understandable to feel upset, and worried about yourself, as well as about your friend. I’m glad you have friends around to support you. Hope you didn’t catch it, and if you did, hope you have a mild case and recover quickly. 

Well , the "plan" was that he get tested and have the results before picking me up.

By the time I found out he hadn't been tested in time I was in recovery and other options had dried up.

But I didn't want this thread to be about my case so much as a general discussion of the dynamic in a partially infected partnership.

Who is obligated to do what and when?

Well, that’s frustrating for sure. But if you would still rather take the risk than be left without a ride, you can’t really blame him for being that risky ride. That’s a tough situation though. Hope it works out ok.

If you’re asking about climbing partners,  in most cases they test positive, they tell you, you don’t spend time with them while they isolate. If you’ve spent time with them recently, you have a known exposure and you get a test.

Everyone who has this virus caught it from someone else. There’s no point in playing a blame game on who caught it first and who gave it to who. It’s extremely contagious and easily spread. 

FrankPSwrote:

Did you know he didn't have the test results, but let him drive you home, anyway?

Did you ask him before the surgery if he had his test results?

What did he do wrong?

He didn’t hold up his end of the bargain Frank. Did you not read the post?

Ron, have you gone in for a test?

I had it during the first week of January. It was only just then making news in Wuhan. Started with 2 days of serious brain fog, so bad I didn't work for 2 days. Prior to that, my last day of missed work due to illness was in 1998. Then came the day without smell or taste. Realized that eating some extremely hot food and couldn't taste or even feel the burn.

As I felt the usual burning in my sinus tissue from a virus setting up shop, I immediately started on a heavy course of zinc and ascorbic vitamin C. I always do this when I feel a cold coming on.  During the course of zinc I noticed it wasn't receeding like normal, so I doubled up the daily intake. That started to slow it's progression down. It attacked the back of my throat, but never got into my lungs. 

The worst days were when I had a sore throat from the virus and this unbelievable wave of extreme exhaustion. It was like there was a gravity machine machine under my bed. A mild temperature was part of this too.

I have a condition called Respiratory Reactive Disorder. A type of COPD. I can cough myself into brief spots of respiratory failure. I sieze up, eyes roll back, and I pass out. I have no doubt I had Covid, and if it got into my lungs I would've died.

Since then, I stumbled into a little tribe of people who claim Ivermectin, the human version, taken at 2mcg per Kg, will inhibit the advance of the virus. This collection of people includes several physicians working with Covid patients. Look up Adam Gaetner on Twitter, he's kind of a distributor of various studies and anecdotes about it and other therapeutics. 

Bottom line to me, is that everyone will get it eventually. Possibly several times.  

It is what it is. Get tested and take appropriate corrective action.

Hoping you are good and not infected. 

Ron Owrote:

He was supposed to be taking care of ME after a little surgery. He got a test last Friday morning and, myself still groggy, I was driven home by him. He wore a mask most of the time but, it being my house, I did not as much.

I have mild COPD (even have a cute little O2 tank for show) but, with this additional concern, can certainly ill afford to acquire Covid-19 during this week's recovery. So when he got the news on Sunday that his results were positive my initial reaction was reproach. If he had stuck to the plan and got tested 3 days earlier than when he finally did then I could have avoided exposure and made alternative plans.

But then I felt ashamed. The world doesn't revolve around me. My buddy had tested positive and I should be concerned over his well being.

Still, he soon headed home to Colorado where his son had already moved out of the house in order to distance. I could hear on the phone how depressed he was.But here is the thing; yesterday he lost his sense of smell and taste.

I've been looking after myself, and now that I can drive already things are OK.

But if anything can spook me now it is the prospect of a covid - Trump  revisitation.

Was my reproach out of line?

Anybody else with a regular partner that is sick?

Lets call a spade a spade, your "friend" could have killed you. If you do get sick you would have every right to retain a lawyer and at least hold him financially responsible for any loss you or your family may incur.

Covid is no joke and your partner recklessly endangered not only your life but the lives of those around you.

If the reason he took the test was because he was having some symptoms, that is one thing.

If he just took the test without being sick, as a precaution, because he was going to be spending time with you— that’s another. 

It’s a catch-22  with how long it can take to get back the results, if he took the test 5 days before your surgery, to guarantee that he would have the results back, he could have been randomly infected 5 hrs after he took the test, and he would be infectious at the time of driving you, with that negative test in hand.

IMO if he didn’t have symptoms, he tested only as precaution, and he wore a mask around you, I would give him a pass and consider that he took reasonable precautions, but was unlucky.

And you don’t get a pass on not wearing a mask, either. Your house, or not, is not the point. When you are around other people who are not part of your household, wear a mask; particularly if you had to spend time in a high-risk environment, such as a hospital, for your surgery. What if the situation were reversed and YOU found out that YOU were positive, two days later?

there are also false-pos and false-neg to consider...

So, this impartial advice columnist’s verdict: don’t ditch your friendship over this.

Hope you recover well, and don’t get COVID. 

Claudine Longetwrote:

Ron, have you gone in for a test?

I had it during the first week of January. It was only just then making news in Wuhan. Started with 2 days of serious brain fog, so bad I didn't work for 2 days. Prior to that, my last day of missed work due to illness was in 1998. Then came the day without smell or taste. Realized that eating some extremely hot food and couldn't taste or even feel the burn.

As I felt the usual burning in my sinus tissue from a virus setting up shop, I immediately started on a heavy course of zinc and ascorbic vitamin C. I always do this when I feel a cold coming on.  During the course of zinc I noticed it wasn't receeding like normal, so I doubled up the daily intake. That started to slow it's progression down. It attacked the back of my throat, but never got into my lungs. 

The worst days were when I had a sore throat from the virus and this unbelievable wave of extreme exhaustion. It was like there was a gravity machine machine under my bed. A mild temperature was part of this too.

I have a condition called Respiratory Reactive Disorder. A type of COPD. I can cough myself into brief spots of respiratory failure. I sieze up, eyes roll back, and I pass out. I have no doubt I had Covid, and if it got into my lungs I would've died.

Since then, I stumbled into a little tribe of people who claim Ivermectin, the human version, taken at 2mcg per Kg, will inhibit the advance of the virus. This collection of people includes several physicians working with Covid patients. Look up Adam Gaetner on Twitter, he's kind of a distributor of various studies and anecdotes about it and other therapeutics. 

Bottom line to me, is that everyone will get it eventually. Possibly several times.  

My Nieghbor says ivermectin can cure cancer.  Says the big pharma doesn’t want anyone to know.  

Your reproach is justified as an expression of your alarm. It was inevitable to have your covid bubble overlap with other's. A venn diagram of sorts. 

I hope to both of you a speedy recovery.

For the privilege of picking you up and taking you home from the hospital I have to get a covid test? 

You paid for his test, yes?

Since you're asking, it seems like you're overreacting unless he deceived you about having had a test, which isn't what seems to have happened. He wore a mask. You could have worn a mask. You could have driven with the windows down on the car. You could have said, "thanks for dropping me off, now leave." You could have called a cab or a different friend to pick you up.

I understand your concern and really hope you didn't catch it from him or anyone else. Be well. 

Cherokee Nuneswrote:

For the privilege of picking you up and taking you home from the hospital I have to get a covid test? 

You paid for his test, yes?

You have to pay to get tested in the US?

Franck Veewrote:

You have to pay to get tested in the US?

Depends on where you are. I'm in California and I've been tested 3 times without having to pay. I'm sure in other states that are trying to suppress testing and the numbers that result, they make it a lot harder. 

Andrew Ricewrote:

Depends on where you are. I'm in California and I've been tested 3 times without having to pay. I'm sure in other states that are trying to suppress testing and the numbers that result, they make it a lot harder. 

I see. At any rate shouldn't change much in this case unless it's super expensive. I'd pay for someone else's test if it was really important for me but that was an issue for them.

Well, for what it's worth, ime the key with this covid thing is communication. It's a new normal for everyone, and well all have our own issues, opinions, real/false assumptions about this. I've realized that, even with my life partner, there are sometimes things we just assume and those are fine. But with a new situation like this, it's not a good thing to do. So asking those questions, clarifiying why xyz matters to you is important, and asking them about their perspective as well. From my perspective, there's no dumb/obvious question about it. It's worth asking, both for preventive reason (e.g. your current issue), but even after. I'd suggest having a chat, nothing judmental or to criticise, just exchanging perspective...