overheard at the crag: post it

Doctor Drake wrote:

I saw a relationship end in the course of a single pitch.

Dude is belaying his girlfriend on the first pitch of Jackie from the GT ledge. I’m leading up the first pitch of Classic after having the dude confirm it was cool to share the ledge (pre covid, chill). The girl is clearly having a hard time and she tells me it’s her second day climbing, ever! First time outside.

Anyhow, she gets stuck at the bulge (not a surprise) and as I am now sharing the belay with the dude and bringing up my partner he begins to instruct her what to do. Obviously she has no idea what to do because she doesn’t know how to climb at no fault of her own. He’s yelling a bunch of jargon and unhelpful beta down to her as she sits on the rope. Eventually this gem came out: “Maybe you should just fucking try!”

Oh, boy.

She eventually arrives at the ledge and thankfully the dude realizes they should just go down. So he sets up the rope to lower her, but she’s so damn scared she won’t weight the rope. He ended up resorting to feeding out a foot of slack and pushing her off the ledge so she would weight the rope...

It’s beginning to border on immoral to make such an UNromantic move at the crag.

Don’t be THAT guy. 

What a shit show. I'm guessing he had her out there because all his other partners stopped putting up with his shit. 

“No, they’re the good mids.”

"I think you just found the 'd' part!"

"Is it smelly?" asked by a little kid after his dad asked what we were climbing and I said, "North East Butt of Higher Cathedral."

“Yo boss that’s a crazy reachy move I don’t think I can do it”

Said by a 6’7” guy to me, a 6’1” guy

((Boom boom clap boom clap boom boom))

The calm shattering crap farting from the group’s  bluetooth speaker. 

Doctor Drake wrote:

I saw a relationship end in the course of a single pitch.

Dude is belaying his girlfriend on the first pitch of Jackie from the GT ledge. I’m leading up the first pitch of Classic after having the dude confirm it was cool to share the ledge (pre covid, chill). The girl is clearly having a hard time and she tells me it’s her second day climbing, ever! First time outside.

Anyhow, she gets stuck at the bulge (not a surprise) and as I am now sharing the belay with the dude and bringing up my partner he begins to instruct her what to do. Obviously she has no idea what to do because she doesn’t know how to climb at no fault of her own. He’s yelling a bunch of jargon and unhelpful beta down to her as she sits on the rope. Eventually this gem came out: “Maybe you should just fucking try!”

Oh, boy.

She eventually arrives at the ledge and thankfully the dude realizes they should just go down. So he sets up the rope to lower her, but she’s so damn scared she won’t weight the rope. He ended up resorting to feeding out a foot of slack and pushing her off the ledge so she would weight the rope...

It’s beginning to border on immoral to make such an UNromantic move at the crag.

Don’t be THAT guy. 

About 10 years ago, I was on Osiris at Lumpy Ridge and watched something similar on an adjacent route, except the fateful line from bro to struggling soon-to-be-ex girlfriend was "c'mon babe, it's not that hard"

And it took absolutely everything I had not to burst out laughing. And then we took a wrong turn and epic'd. But mainly I remember that dude digging his own grave.

Guess it depends on how they were using it amirite??

Anonymous Climber named Zay wrote:

"That thing's a fucking circus."

-Alex Honnold, pointing at a quad anchor someone was using on the Freeblast.

Yeah, chew on that one you freaks.

Quad is not too tasty to chew on. But it is a beacon for circus at the crag, 90% of the time. 

Climber1 and climber2 had just completed a single-pitch 11a trad line.

C1: "What should we do next?"

C2: "How about this awesome three-pitch 5.9?"

C1: "Yeah, let's get on that one. ... uuh, sorry dude ... I didn't pack the cordelette".

me (pointing to their rope): "Well, you have this 60m cordelette right there, why don't you use that one?"

C1/C2: Blank stares

They stuck to single-pitches for the rest of the day.

Once upon a time, before Rona madness, my friend and I were sport climbing in Western MA. We came across a lady who started talking about some of her exes and the characteristics of their genitals. One of them had a see-through skin on their D. She called it "Casper." 

One time I was at Supercrack Buttress in the creek and these two guys asked for beta on how to get through the roof on Incredible Handcrack. Apparently it was their first time crack climbing and they didn't like the beta of "you kinda just have to go for it"

North End at Cathedral Ledge. Father and son top roping with all new gear.

The kid is about 20+ feet up the climb, lots of slack in the system.

"Hang on a second" says the father while looking at the pages on belaying in a brand new copy of Mountaineering :  The Freedom of the Hills.

(pre cell phone and YouTube days)

Lena chita wrote:

Quad is not too tasty to chew on. But it is a beacon for circus at the crag, 90% of the time. 

I resemble that remark.

Not overheard, but I saw this dude wearing a gopro indoors yesterday

“I am fucking OVER crack climbing”

Overheard by me, when I said it out loud while flailing repeatedly on the first crack section of Feltonian Physics in J-Tree.

I have precisely zero crack technique, and boy did it show. 

Dude with a full trad. rack standing below a totally classic 5.7 crack that you can place a piece in, .2-4, every three inches for 70 ft. in northwest Montana: "Naw, I don't want to climb this. At the Gunks we only use small gear." 

Whisk3rzz 1 wrote:

Not overheard, but I saw this dude wearing a gopro indoors yesterday

That is f*cking hilarious....

At the base of Classic Crack in the Outlets: guy in his late sixties leading on half ropes, to his wife "Slack on Orange dear....(no slack)...its the one that is ORANGE" 

A guy is floundering hard a hundred or so feet up a climb at the 5.8 OW crux when he drops a cam unnanounced to the base - nearly hitting people - and then dejectedly takes.

His perplexed friend’s answer when asked what’s going on: “I don’t know, he climbs 5.12 in the gym!”

Girl climbing: "Is there somewhere I need to be climbing? Is it okay to be over here?"

Guy belaying: "It's totally fine! You're on top rope, you can climb anywhere you want!"

I look up to see the girl about 20 ft. up and 15 ft. off-route/off the bolt line, full-on bear hugging a completely detached refrigerator-sized block half-hanging over a ledge.

Me: "Noooooo!"