Losing a partner due to breakups.

Pretty much have only dated climbers and been with my current climber boyfriend for 4 years. For me, there is a HUGE difference between “dating a climber” and “dating your climbing partner”. I love climbing with my bf and we both go out and support each other when we have a project that means a lot to us or when we can’t find a partner. However, I find it healthier for our relationship and better for our climbing if we make it a point to climb regularly with other people. Even when I’m single, I don’t have just one climbing partner. Partly because my work schedule is unpredictable so I can’t commit to a regular routine, but also because I feel climbing with a variety of people teaches me so much. Not being my bf’s only climbing partner also gives us both more freedom to go on our dream trips. We’ve done a lot of long trips together, but we’ve also taken months long solo trips when the other didn’t want to spend their limited travel budget on that particular destination. Long distance wasn’t ideal, but part of the reason we initially fell in love was a shared level of seriousness about our climbing. Neither of us wants to be with a partner who isn’t willing to try to accommodate certain climbing goals. 
Also, from past experience, I have found that guys who are looking to date a “climbing partner” rather than a “climber” are unpleasantly surprised to find out that I have my own objectives and not content to just go to their project everyday. 

Tradiban wrote:

This, unfortunately is the classic scenario. If yer SO climbs too pander to their preferences. You'll thank me later   

No pandering required. Just a relationship of equal consideration, in climbing and beyond. 

I prefer my partner to not be a climber.  She likes to come out from time to time which I enjoy.  She supportive in letting me go out and hangdog generally once a week (gym def more frequent).

In a lot of ways, I enjoy that climbing is my thing and biking is her thing.  Of course, we partake in each others activities.

SarahB wrote: Pretty much have only dated climbers and been with my current climber boyfriend for 4 years. For me, there is a HUGE difference between “dating a climber” and “dating your climbing partner”. I love climbing with my bf and we both go out and support each other when we have a project that means a lot to us or when we can’t find a partner. However, I find it healthier for our relationship and better for our climbing if we make it a point to climb regularly with other people. Even when I’m single, I don’t have just one climbing partner. Partly because my work schedule is unpredictable so I can’t commit to a regular routine, but also because I feel climbing with a variety of people teaches me so much. Not being my bf’s only climbing partner also gives us both more freedom to go on our dream trips. We’ve done a lot of long trips together, but we’ve also taken months long solo trips when the other didn’t want to spend their limited travel budget on that particular destination. Long distance wasn’t ideal, but part of the reason we initially fell in love was a shared level of seriousness about our climbing. Neither of us wants to be with a partner who isn’t willing to try to accommodate certain climbing goals.
Also, from past experience, I have found that guys who are looking to date a “climbing partner” rather than a “climber” are unpleasantly surprised to find out that I have my own objectives and not content to just go to their project everyday. 

A partner who climbs, but who can and does climb independently seems like the ideal scenario. 

I bet ice crow is single.

L Kap wrote:

No pandering required. Just a relationship of equal consideration, in climbing and beyond. 

No relationship is equal.

Don't date your climbing partners, duh.
- A raging hypocrite

Tradiban wrote:

No relationship is equal.

I'm sorry if that has been your experience. The goal is balance of a multi-dimensional relationship, like a mobile that has many parts but is usually in equilibrium, so that you both feel you are equally contributing, cared for, and respected. 

L Kap wrote:

I'm sorry if that has been your experience. The goal is balance of a multi-dimensional relationship, like a mobile that has many parts but is usually in equilibrium, so that you both feel you are equally contributing, cared for, and respected. 

Right, some parts up some parts down. It won't all be equal. So pander a bit and be happier!

SarahB wrote: Pretty much have only dated climbers and been with my current climber boyfriend for 4 years. For me, there is a HUGE difference between “dating a climber” and “dating your climbing partner”. I love climbing with my bf and we both go out and support each other when we have a project that means a lot to us or when we can’t find a partner. However, I find it healthier for our relationship and better for our climbing if we make it a point to climb regularly with other people. Even when I’m single, I don’t have just one climbing partner. Partly because my work schedule is unpredictable so I can’t commit to a regular routine, but also because I feel climbing with a variety of people teaches me so much. Not being my bf’s only climbing partner also gives us both more freedom to go on our dream trips. We’ve done a lot of long trips together, but we’ve also taken months long solo trips when the other didn’t want to spend their limited travel budget on that particular destination. Long distance wasn’t ideal, but part of the reason we initially fell in love was a shared level of seriousness about our climbing. Neither of us wants to be with a partner who isn’t willing to try to accommodate certain climbing goals. 
Also, from past experience, I have found that guys who are looking to date a “climbing partner” rather than a “climber” are unpleasantly surprised to find out that I have my own objectives and not content to just go to their project everyday. 

This. ^

After the initial lust wears off, likely within a year or so, you will want to still have your own life and identity.  Maintaining your separate life can be more challenging in the initial honeymoon period but it’s important.  Even if you let it lapse a bit at first, return to and grow your outside relationships too.  Then you can more easily see if the gf relationship is actually fitting you on multiple levels of life, not just climbing.

SarahB wrote:For me, there is a HUGE difference between “dating a climber” and “dating your climbing partner”. I love climbing with my bf and we both go out and support each other when we have a project that means a lot to us or when we can’t find a partner. However, I find it healthier for our relationship and better for our climbing if we make it a point to climb regularly with other people. Even when I’m single, I don’t have just one climbing partner. Partly because my work schedule is unpredictable so I can’t commit to a regular routine, but also because I feel climbing with a variety of people teaches me so much. Not being my bf’s only climbing partner also gives us both more freedom to go on our dream trips. We’ve done a lot of long trips together, but we’ve also taken months long solo trips when the other didn’t want to spend their limited travel budget on that particular destination. Long distance wasn’t ideal, but part of the reason we initially fell in love was a shared level of seriousness about our climbing. Neither of us wants to be with a partner who isn’t willing to try to accommodate certain climbing goals.
Also, from past experience, I have found that guys who are looking to date a “climbing partner” rather than a “climber” are unpleasantly surprised to find out that I have my own objectives and not content to just go to their project everyday. 

YES! 

When two climbers date, it makes a lot of things easier. But just because you date someone, and they are a climber, doesn’t mean that you are most compatible climbing partners for each other. I know a lot of climbing couples who aren’t ideal climbing partners for each other. 
And even if you are at exactly the same climbing level, and working the exact same projects (hardly ever happens!), having climbing partners other than your significant other just makes sense. 

OP: Find compatible climbing partners of any gender. Make friends. Don’t hit on every single female climber the moment you come across them. Girlfriend will happen. 

Date an ultra runner - they'll spend all day running while you climb, and you'll both want to slam 1500 calories of pizza when you meet up for dinner after. Win win win. 

I love having a partner who climbs. We met in the winter and found out we both have a love for skiing/snowboarding but we both also climb. That being said I've got less mileage as a climber and can't climb near as hard as he can so I respect his projects and he has a couple other solid partners he goes with for those adventures. We plan adventures together that are within my grades also and if he's not available to climb and I want to go do something I have partners I go with to. He is my favorite person to climb with though. We are expecting a baby due in August and we still climb. Being pregnant I really can't do as much as I used to but fully support the dreams he has and encourage him to still go on those adventures before the baby comes. Its all about balance in my opinion. If the person you choose to be with isn't supportive of your hobbies or vice versa someone is going to make huge sacrifices and potentially be unhappy. People do change but dont try to change someone...whoever you commit to you are accepting them fully for who they are and they should accept you fully for who you are whether they be a climber or not. For now get a few solid climbing partners and if whoever you date becomes one of those to thats great but still nurture your other belaytionships because sounds like now you're back at square one and have no one to climb with. For the record I'm 28.

Steph Hukk wrote: I love having a partner who climbs. We met in the winter and found out we both have a love for skiing/snowboarding but we both also climb. That being said I've got less mileage as a climber and can't climb near as hard as he can so I respect his projects and he has a couple other solid partners he goes with for those adventures. We plan adventures together that are within my grades also and if he's not available to climb and I want to go do something I have partners I go with to. He is my favorite person to climb with though. We are expecting a baby due in August and we still climb. Being pregnant I really can't do as much as I used to but fully support the dreams he has and encourage him to still go on those adventures before the baby comes. Its all about balance in my opinion. If the person you choose to be with isn't supportive of your hobbies or vice versa someone is going to make huge sacrifices and potentially be unhappy. People do change but dont try to change someone...whoever you commit to you are accepting them fully for who they are and they should accept you fully for who you are whether they be a climber or not. For now get a few solid climbing partners and if whoever you date becomes one of those to thats great but still nurture your other belaytionships because sounds like now you're back at square one and have no one to climb with. 

Luckily my neglected belaytionships have taken me back with open arms (Actually hitting one of the CCC spots on the 7th to the 12th now). But this is all really sound.
I think the answer is exactly as many people have stated.
Being more mindful in the honeymoon phase to maintain friendships (Climbing or not, I'm incredibly guilty of sinking too much into my new partners) and that having a partner that climbs is nice, but not required.
I appreciate all the comments.

OP: Every iteration of this (climber-lover vs nonclimber-lover vs breaking up or staying with climber-lover due to incompatibility or compatibility of climbing, etc. etc.) has both succeeded and failed.  There is no collective wisdom to be had, only anecdotal evidence that will not tell a clear story.  Just keep calm and carry on.  Good luck finding true and lasting  love.

find someone that looks at you like a black totem. 

Michael Prevatt wrote:
I'm 27 and can't quite figure out what will make me happy here

Substitute pretty much anything in "here" and that's just how it is....for awhile. Think back on your 17 year old self, eh? Your 37 year old you will have an entirely different view from now, also.

At 63? Hey, my advice is go for friendship first. Real, respectful, deep, honest friendship. And strive to keep it that way no matter what. Married, not married, climber, not, kids, no kids. You may hate that person now and then. That's okay. If they are expected to never be a jerk or asshole, then we also can't be idiots. Or dumbasses. Or plain old fuckups. Really good friends get that. Take good care of them.

Now, if you luck out, and flaming hot sex is in the mix also? Go for it.

Just stay six feet away, eh?

Best, Helen

So I spent my single life dating climbers. Some good, some the fucking worst. You know, people are people. Just because they have abs and strong fingers doesn't necessarily make them better than others.

I decided that I was done with trying to find that hardcore climber person and just find someone I was compatible with. Turns out, shortly after I decided this, that I met someone I was compatible with. Get this though, she was a climber. And by climber, I mean the best climber. First date on Jules Verne, second date on the Diamond type. Month in the back of the truck, crushing my projects, and rocking killer abs.

Time passes and the climbing seems to matter less. I'm weak as the baby I'm holding and the toddler could probably take me. A few injuries, working for a living, and a few years makes climbing a lot less important than it used to be. But guess what, we're still compatible. Ultimately that is the relationship. This climbing stuff is just a thing.

If you're lucky you'll find that like I did. 

27 and worried enough about dating to post here about it....

  I'd recommend talking to a professional if you have any doubts that anything is more important than climbing(at 27 especially).

If anything, I had a breakup because we weren't climbing together enough, not the other way around. Wasn't the only reason but it certainly was a big contributor.