I’m a non-climbing girlfriend - will it work?

Gunkiemike wrote: About the only thing missing in OP's complaint is that the b/f climbs WITH OTHER WOMEN (gasp!).

In defense of the b/f, maybe he IS sacrificing some of his climbing to be with you - how often does he go to the rock gym during the week? If it's less than 5X/week, maybe, just maybe, that's a sacrifice for him. Do you go out to nice restaurants together? Maybe he's sacrificing his performance-oriented diet to do that. Is he home with you Friday nights? Maybe he'd rather be heading to the hills in order to get an early start on Saturday.

Good points. But she didn't bring that up. 

She says the relationship is otherwise perfect. But the first couple years of a relationship often feel that way. Then reality sets in and we recognize what's true about a person and have to decide whether we can live with that. She is probably just starting to face those realities and has a decision to make. The vacation time aspect seems like a big deal to her. It would be to my wife (of 25 years) as well. He wants to own his vacays. She wants them to be shared. She doesn't want to be second to the mountain, and why should she be? Only she can decide whether second to the mountain is OK for her, but it sounds like she'd be happier if she was at least tied for first place with the mountain, but she's not. She really is in second place. I think her odds aren't great with this guy.

My girlfriend told me she's non-climbing. I told her I'm non-cat and non-wine night. 

Cut the BF off for a while in order to regain first place status again.

Long Ranger wrote: https://www.nytimes.com/2004/06/17/sports/some-pro-golfers-now-take-homes-on-the-road.html

I chuckled at the article referring to them as “trailer trash.” I wonder how many non-professional golfers live this lifestyle, however? 

yes, it can work. my wife doesn't climb and i take 1 or 2 international trips a year to climb. you just need to have an honest conversation where both people identify their needs and see if the other is willing to make it work.

for the record, i also take vacations with my family that do not involve climbing, but we do plenty of other outdoor activities together.

Gvigliotti Vigliotti wrote:That said, every relationship is different.  My girlfriend doesn’t want anything to do with climbing, but is stoked for me to go out and do it.  I’m not taking off for a month though.  

That's what she told you huh?

Gvigliotti Vigliotti wrote: 1/10.  Might want to change up your diet, you seem off your trolling game lately

I have to school you people on climbing all day long, now I have to school y'all on relationships too?! 

I'm serious, I've heard that line alot from soon to be divorced couples. Might want to make a double check on that "stoked" feeling.

And even if in some sort of fantasy land she is stoked, it won't last forever. Beware.

You could meet your soulmate working at TGI Fridays and move in together six weeks later in a one bedroom apartment. Then, after enjoying late nights of online gaming and mediocre but passable sex, you get married in Vegas on a whim and honeymoon at the casinos. Things are going great, what with your man getting that drafting job on that engineering project, but then you had to go and take that country dancing lesson. Your man, bitter that "you've changed" and "doesn't know you anymore" whines at work to his new co-worker about your failing relationship. It really wasn't about common interests after all, more like about having the freedom to pursue your own hobbies without threatening your soulmate's ego. Maybe everyone needs to grow up a little.

Cole D wrote:

Climbing obsessed BF checking back in 

I’m confused. I don’t see anything about hobbies in the post you quoted.
But also, some people want to push things as far as they can climbing, while also working 50-60 hours a week, or having kids, or doing other things. 
that should make all the climbing is a lifestyle not a hobby folks mega stoked cause we are only crowding the crags on your rest days (weekends)
Personally I find I get after it more outside, and with training, when my time is made more precious / or limited.

Hi Cole (the BF), 

Like Bill Lawry said, I could have quoted the OP or your girlfriend, or anyone asking this question and since the OP had some replies already, I quoted your GF. My post was meant to help her understand how climbing can become an obsession, unlike other "hobbies or activities". Some people refer to climbing as a hobby, some think of it as an activity, so I used that nomenclature. For many climbers, these word do not adequately describe what climbing means to them.

Sure, there are climbers who live the dirtbag lifestyle, and that is one end of the spectrum. Many others have full-time jobs and other responsibilities, but they are still obsessed with climbing. When someone spends their free time, however much of it they have, by reading forums, thinking about their project, dreaming about their next trip, or just prioritizing climbing time and excluding other activities, then I think that it is a lifestyle. 

Climbing as a lifestyle can be living a certain way, which is obvious to others (van life, etc.), or it can be a perspective (less obvious to others). 

I hope this clears up your confusion, and gives your girlfriend another way to look at this crazy awesome sport that we do. :)

Love how the advice keeps coming even tho the op with the highly suspect name is nowhere in sight.
1/10 bad troll
10/10 for getting these horn dogs biting!

Ask yourself why or how a non climber finds MP and decides to crowd source relationship advice from a biased community they are not part of. Hmmm I'll go ask a bunch of strangers who I have nothing in common with for relationship advice. Solid plan. And what's with the name? 

I think it's hard. If he's a climbers climber and in his 20s, there's not going to be much room for compromise. If he's >30 and wants kids, there may be hope. I think "wants kids" can act as your forcing function here. He might just be too young to settle down. 

PNW Choss wrote: Love how the advice keeps coming even tho the op with the highly suspect name is nowhere in sight.
1/10 bad troll
10/10 for getting these horn dogs biting!

Ask yourself why or how a non climber finds MP and decides to crowd source relationship advice from a biased community they are not part of. Hmmm I'll go ask a bunch of strangers who I have nothing in common with for relationship advice. Solid plan. And what's with the name? 

Yet here you are commenting.

She asked for free thoughts. She'll get perspectives here she won't get elsewhere. Why rag on her for that?

It would be nice to hear from her...

PNW Choss wrote: Love how the advice keeps coming even tho the op with the highly suspect name is nowhere in sight.
1/10 bad troll
10/10 for getting these horn dogs biting!

Ask yourself why or how a non climber finds MP and decides to crowd source relationship advice from a biased community they are not part of. Hmmm I'll go ask a bunch of strangers who I have nothing in common with for relationship advice. Solid plan. And what's with the name? 

Because this isn't the first to pop up on here. Most get deleted. 

Keith Wood wrote:

Yet here you are commenting.

She asked for free thoughts. She'll get perspectives here she won't get elsewhere. Why rag on her for that?

It would be nice to hear from her...

Not ragging on the non existent female. Ragging on all of you for being gullible. Standing around giving out advice while Devin freesolos past you in a harness stealing your entire rack of the second Flairation and bagging the non climbing girl asking for advice! Devin 2020! Legend

I think best trolls are indistinguishable from real life ... until my expectations are kicked to the curb.  :)

Magpie79 wrote:

Hi Cole (the BF), 

Like Bill Lawry said, I could have quoted the OP or your girlfriend, or anyone asking this question and since the OP had some replies already, I quoted your GF. My post was meant to help her understand how climbing can become an obsession, unlike other "hobbies or activities". Some people refer to climbing as a hobby, some think of it as an activity, so I used that nomenclature. For many climbers, these word do not adequately describe what climbing means to them.

Sure, there are climbers who live the dirtbag lifestyle, and that is one end of the spectrum. Many others have full-time jobs and other responsibilities, but they are still obsessed with climbing. When someone spends their free time, however much of it they have, by reading forums, thinking about their project, dreaming about their next trip, or just prioritizing climbing time and excluding other activities, then I think that it is a lifestyle. 

Climbing as a lifestyle can be living a certain way, which is obvious to others (van life, etc.), or it can be a perspective (less obvious to others). 

I hope this clears up your confusion, and gives your girlfriend another way to look at this crazy awesome sport that we do. :)

Hear hear 

Fritz Nuffer wrote:

This. How many people quit their job and live in their vehicles so that they can play golf full-time?

 I know plenty of people that sacrificed a living space to become airline pilots and a few that tried to make the PGA by sleeping anywhere but their own place because they didn't have one.  Most of them didn't buy Sprinters or vans but couched surfed for years trying to get by.  Climbing isn't that unique when it comes to people's passion. 

PNW Choss wrote:

Not ragging on the non existent female.

If you click to view her profile....
Member Since                    Dec 15, 2019
                                            Last Visit: 4 hours ago

My Gf isn't a climber but deals with me being at the gym and always planning trips. But she knows how much time I sacrifice to take her out to dinner or go on trips just for her, but bringing the rope incase I find something cool. I would def be climbing harder if I wasnt with her but I'm fine sacrificing a little bit because I know how much she sacrifices to let me go on all these trips and spend all my money on gear. Express your feelings directly because if he's anything like me he won't get any hints you lay down. 

Blakevan wrote:

 I know plenty of people that sacrificed a living space to become airline pilots and a few that tried to make the PGA by sleeping anywhere but their own place because they didn't have one.  Most of them didn't buy Sprinters or vans but couched surfed for years trying to get by.  Climbing isn't that unique when it comes to people's passion. 

Those examples still are of people getting paid to pursue their passion. I would respectfully contend that most dirtbag climbers know they don’t have a chance of earning a living off climbing. Do you have some examples of people sacrificing “normal” life to participate in other hobbies without hope of remuneration?

Skiing and surfing come to mind. Maybe following the Dead around. 
Help me out if I’m missing something obvious here, but I do think climbing occupies a different echelon as an all-consuming lifestyle compared to most hobbies. Not to say that it’s any better or more worthwhile because of it.