Climb or not to Climb

I've climbed off and on for years. I've been extremely fortunate to have amazing partners. I've lead some ice and rock (mostly easy) but not a bunch. Here's the question...I just really dont like leading. Should I keep following? Or say goodbye to climbing:( I'll follow almost anything. Always happy to buy dinners, use my racks, etc. Still love getting out when I do. Thoughts appreciated. Thanks!

If you love going climbing the way you have been why stop? Perhaps try to figure out what about leading you don't like and look for ways to mitigate those issues, but as much as I love leading I would never tell someone not to climb just because they don't want to lead. 

Some will say the purest form of Climbing is on a TR so as to have zero fear of falling enabling your very best.

Climb on.

There is no should (or shouldn't). You certainly don't need anyone else's approval to climb the way you want.

If you really care about what people think, I'll point out that a climber who is okay with following anything, brings her own racks, and then buys you dinner is pretty much the ideal climbing partner for some folks.

There are plenty of climbers who enjoy leading everything. Find one of those folks and put a ring on him/her.

You were looking for relationship advice, yes?

Melissa Nadeau wrote: I've climbed off and on for years. I've been extremely fortunate to have amazing partners. I've lead some ice and rock (mostly easy) but not a bunch. Here's the question...I just really dont like leading. Should I keep following? Or say goodbye to climbing:( I'll follow almost anything. Always happy to buy dinners, use my racks, etc. Still love getting out when I do. Thoughts appreciated. Thanks!

Said no man, ever.

Why would you stop doing what you have been doing? What happened that made you ask this?

I do know people who only toprope, and who have been toproping for decades. If you have people who are willing to put up the routes you want to climb, seems like there is no problem?

ClimberRunner wrote:

Said no man, ever.

I can think of better men than you that have done just this virtually their entire climbing career.

Sometimes there's a stigma that you're not really climbing if you're not leading, but imho if you're enjoying whatever you're doing you should keep doing it.

best climbing to me is the one having the most fun.

ClimberRunner wrote:

Said no man, ever.

Well, you may not have met them, but I have. 

Funny, a gender aspect of the OPs post never occurred to me until I saw your post. 

Don't stop climbing! If you just want to follow then follow!

While I agree with all the other sentiments (climb for yourself, climb for fun, you don’t need to lead to climb, don’t worry about what others think, etc etc), you’ve probably ran into some hurdles or else you wouldn’t be posting this. So while you don’t need to lead to climb, there is a downside to not lead. You’re limited in your route choices, to basically what your partner wants to climb or willing to lead for you. So if you want to try this 5.10, and your partner only wants to lead that 5.8 (or 5.12), then either you’re out of luck, or they have to lead something they don’t want to climb just for you. It’s probably not a huge deal for a week, a month… half a year? A few years? At some point the partnership will start to feel like a guide-client relationship. Is this what you’re dealing with?

Keep climbing. Lots of people want belays/followers. 

Melissa Nadeau wrote: I've climbed off and on for years. I've been extremely fortunate to have amazing partners. I've lead some ice and rock (mostly easy) but not a bunch. Here's the question...I just really dont like leading. Should I keep following? Or say goodbye to climbing:( I'll follow almost anything. Always happy to buy dinners, use my racks, etc. Still love getting out when I do. Thoughts appreciated. Thanks!

Lena asked (or hinted at) a really important question - why don’t you like leading?  Did something happen that made you wary of it, or did you simply never enjoy it?  If you like following, what is it about leading that you don’t like?  Obviously you’ve led before - is there a particular reason why you don’t want to lead easy stuff anymore?  Perhaps identifying what exactly is bothering you about leading will help you overcome it (if possible) or come to terms with just not leading anymore (if not).  As others have mentioned, both are totally fine options, you just have to find what makes you happy.

If you love getting out when you do - you should keep doing it.  What that looks like might be different - have you tried bouldering? Alpine?

phylp wrote:

Well, you may not have met them, but I have. 

Funny, a gender aspect of the OPs post never occurred to me until I saw your post. 

While I certainly have met men who feel the same, I do think that there are more women in this position. 

So much depends on context/location. Go to any top-access cliff (e.g. Junkyard at the NRG, or Devils lake), or to a place like Gunks, or any place (they are usually mostly trad) where you can lead an easy route to set up toprope that would slow you to climb couple harder lines from the same anchor, and you will see lots of people of all genders toproping the hell out of everything. 

Go to a place with easy short multi-pitch, and you will find lots of people who will be happy to lead every pitch, if their partner would follow. But now you will probably find that most of the only-leaders are predominantly men, and the only-followers are about equal men/women. 

Go to a single-pitch sport crags with lots of beginner climbs, and there would be large groups with both men and women toproping, but the person who put the rope up for the group is almost always a guy. 

I do think that if you take a tally of people who climb outside, who have been climbing for 5+ years, and do not want to lead, the women will be over-represented in this group, while being less than 50% of total outdoor climber population.  

I don’t think that OP question is about the gender though. I’m curious if we ever hear back and find out what precipitated this question. 

Leading is scary and also how you get hurt.  I doubt many serious injuries occur on top rope.  I'm in the same boat as you, leading scares me and I love free top rope.

You do you! Find people to put that rope up and then have a good safe time following it! Don't let people pressure you out of your comfort zone. And if they give you shit about not leading tell them to check that ego and find a new partner.

For those trying to turn this into a gender issue, read this part of the OP: "Always happy to buy dinners, use my racks, etc. "

Some people may feel that if they are not leading they are not contributing equally and imposing an unfair burden on their partners. OP thinks she needs to compensate by contributing dinners, equipment, etc.

But I wouldn't worry about it. Most people who lead like to lead and it's not uncommon to find partners that prefer to lead everything. There is no shame in being a belay slave if everyone is having fun.

If you enjoy climbing, keep on climbing.  You don't have to want to lead, or to lead.  

I lead a lot of the time when I'm out with friends because I do have a bunch of friends who aren't comfortable leading, don't like leading, are really scared to lead, or whatever.  I'm generally fine with this.  Occasionally, I want a break from leading everything -- in that case, I'll make sure that day I'm climbing with a partner who also leads stuff.  So, as long as you're clear on this when planning with climbing partners/groups, I think this is just fine.

Thanks so much everyone for your responses. I'm looking forward to reading them a little closer. At first glance they already have so much insight and motivation for me....I should have been on here more lately and a little less on FB and Tinder haha. And more importantly it's time for me to get back out and do what I love the most with like-minded people!

abandon moderation wrote: I know climbers who have only toproped for... decades.

There's plenty of climbers who love to lead, and would love to have a partner that will let them lead all the time. Shouldn't be hard to find a perfect match!

That has definitely been some of my past experiences. Thanks for the reminder!

Hobo Greg wrote: I love leading every pitch but it’s hard to find competent partners who will let me do it.. so yeah, let’s climb together!

Nice!! Hit me up if you're ever in the Northeast US or Southeast Asia