Decking

It will probably take years and never truly go away. I’ve had a similar struggle and it’s a lot of progressive desensitization and sometimes just operating in pure panic mode with part of me thinking “I’m gonna die! I’m gonna die!” while another part says “Calm the fuck down!”

Like others said, dialing it way back and then taking whippers with belayers you trust is probably a good start.

TTK1991 Kratzke wrote:Those that have decked, how did you recover your mental strength?  I'm finding it difficult to lead now.

As has been said, it takes time. Eventually you will know whether your motivation to lead will overcome the obvious risk. Go slow of course.
Generally speaking, part of the picture is to sort out what went wrong with the belay if you can. Talk privately with the person with just that goal - you may have already. 
Work to understand what should be done differently whether it is something about belay mechanics, too much slack, or whatever. 
Such a discussion may better inform your own belay habits as well as you yourself in picking partners with whom to climb and / or in coaching others about their belay habits.
Last, the advice to dump them as a climb partner seems to me a bit short sighted given how little can be known here (and does not need to be known here). It is / was a team effort. Perhaps try looking at it from that perspective.

John Vanek wrote: Good post and good responses. This may not apply to the OP’s situation, but I often see climbers on lead reach very high to clip, adding distance to any fall that happens before the clip is made. I also see belayers (belaying a lead climb) who remain static when stepping forward and back is a quick and easy way to add or reduce rope to the system without feeding through the GriGri. My point is that both climbers have a role in rope management. So the recommendations above about communication are right on.

Glad the OP got off lightly! 

I see people say don't clip above your head all the time. It is true that it adds some slack / fall distance but it isn't a bad thing to clip above your head. I will always clip above my head if it means clipping from a jug vs clipping from a crux hold at my waist. You always want to clip from your waist if the hold doesn't matter but when it comes to clipping from a good stance vs a bad stance always clip from the good stances even if it means increasing the distance of a fall.

John Vanek wrote:This may not apply to the OP’s situation, but I often see climbers on lead reach very high to clip, adding distance to any fall that happens before the clip is made.

You don't fall any further when clipping high versus at the waist but you do fall lower. Subtle distinction.

Xam wrote:

You don't fall any further when clipping high versus at the waist but you do fall lower. Subtle distinction.

It is subtle but true as you say, and so clipping high reduces the margin to decking.

And I agree with ViperScale that clipping high can sometimes be the right choice; though I think too many of us make it the default choice.
Rather, consider seeking out the most solid stance from which to clip with a default of clipping at one’s waist. 

I was searching about for a  hook to hand drill the 2nd bolt of an FA with a horrible landing. ran out of gas and took what I assumed would be a short fall on to the 1st bolt. Unfourtunatly a piece below but to the side of the first bolt blew. the resulting straightening of the rope allowed me to deck. I just barely touched down with the rope stretch on my side. did not get hurt but gave up for the day. had to think about it all week and then go up the next weekend, climb to the same high point and settle in on a hook for a 45min hand drilling session knowing that if the hook blew I would likely deck again.....  Type 2 fun ;)

Ted Pinson wrote: I was wondering how long this would take to turn into a GriGri vs. ATC thread.

But it isn't. The GriGri has a known failure mode (as does every belay device) which in this case was invoked by a bad belay. It has nothing to do with the device used.

Marc801 C wrote:

But it isn't. The GriGri has a known failure mode (as does every belay device) which in this case was invoked by a bad belay. It has nothing to do with the device used.

Ahem! Due to a poor design the Gri has a tendency to be used incorrectly. 

Xam wrote:

You don't fall any further when clipping high versus at the waist but you do fall lower. Subtle distinction.

Say you go for bolt 3 and reach above your head to clip and blow it vs clipping bolt 3 with it at your  waist. In the circumstance of clipping above your head the same amount of rope will be out running from your belayer to your hand as the waist clip, but you’ll also have another 5 feet or so of rope running from your hand back down to your waist, making your fall approximately 10-15 feet farther.  
Correct me if I’m wrong, but in the missed clip above your head, it seems like you would fall farther and lower than if you blew it clipping at your waist. 

Brent D wrote: Say you go for bolt 3 and reach above your head to clip and blow it vs clipping bolt 3 with it at your  waist. In the circumstance of clipping above your head the same amount of rope will be out running from your belayer to your hand as the waist clip, but you’ll also have another 5 feet or so of rope running from your hand back down to your waist, making your fall approximately 10-15 feet farther.  
Correct me if I’m wrong, but in the missed clip above your head, it seems like you would fall farther and lower than if you blew it clipping at your waist. 

Ok here's the correction. I'll use nice round numbers to keep the math simple. Let's say the two bolts are 10 ft apart, and you're in between them, 5ft away from each. To pull up enough rope to clip the bolt from where you are, you've now got 15 ft, of rope out - the 10ft to reach the next bolt plus the 5ft to get back down to where you are. So if you fall, you'll end up 15 ft below the previous bolt. You're only 5ft above it to start, so that's a 20ft fall. 

If you climb up to clip at your waist and fall from there, you've got 10 ft of rope out from the last bolt, and you're going to end up 10ft below the previous bolt. Since you were 10ft above it, that's a 20ft fall. 
So if you fall while clipping high, the length of fall is the same but you'll end up lower. 

Also to the poster who mentioned something to the effect of "it's only 20ft I'd hope you weren't injured", a 20ft fall could be fatal, just FYI. People have had horrible open ankle or tib fib or arm fractures falling from 5-12' bouldering in a gym. Let's not be cavalier about decking from any distance. 

Em Cos wrote:

Also to the poster who mentioned something to the effect of "it's only 20ft I'd hope you weren't injured", a 20ft fall could be fatal, just FYI.

I recall reading some time ago that the mortality rate for a 20' fall to ground is about 50%.

I remember reading the same thing, but it was 50% mortality at 50', and 50% compound/complex fractures at 20'. 

Marc801 C wrote:

But it isn't. The GriGri has a known failure mode (as does every belay device) which in this case was invoked by a bad belay. It has nothing to do with the device used.

...Except that it doesn’t; it has a series of similar anecdotes paired with logical conjecture, but I have yet to see definitive proof that this indeed causes the failure.  The supposed “death grip” on the climber’s end is almost always coupled with releasing the brake hand, which of course IS a known failure.  Perhaps the problem is that people who learn on a Grigri don’t develop the instinct to move both hands to the brake and lock off, as you HAVE to do on an ATC; in this case, this is still a bad belay, not an issue with the device, as you said.  I don’t recall the OP mentioning that this happened to him or that his belayer was even using a Grigri, though.

Nick - what design flaw are you referring to?

Apologizing in advance for the ensuing thread drift...

Marc801 C wrote: I recall reading some time ago that the mortality rate for a 20' fall to ground is about 50%.

A friend of mine died in a 20’ fall, so yes...I would believe this.  It really depends on how you land and what you land on.

Ted Pinson wrote:

Apologizing in advance for the ensuing thread drift...

Right. Yawn fest of a drift y’all got going. ATCs, GriGris, and clipping stances, oh my.... it’s enough to make a body hanker for a hunka crag dog thread.

Your crag dog sexually harassed my crag ferret.

Ted Pinson wrote: Your crag dog sexually harassed my crag ferret.

That’s a lie! My dog was paying out penalty slack on the grigri+ while I was stick clipping my way up the warmup.

Ted Pinson wrote:

...Except that it doesn’t; it has a series of similar anecdotes paired with logical conjecture, but I have yet to see definitive proof that this indeed causes the failure.  The supposed “death grip” on the climber’s end is almost always coupled with releasing the brake hand, which of course IS a known failure.  Perhaps the problem is that people who learn on a Grigri don’t develop the instinct to move both hands to the brake and lock off, as you HAVE to do on an ATC; in this case, this is still a bad belay, not an issue with the device, as you said.  I don’t recall the OP mentioning that this happened to him or that his belayer was even using a Grigri, though.

Nick - what design flaw are you referring to?

Apologizing in advance for the ensuing thread drift...

To simplify it, the flaw is that the Gri unlocks with a contraction instead of a expansion. Contraction is what you do when you panic. Also, its difficult for people to go from taking in slack back to getting your finger under the flange.

the schmuck wrote: I remember reading the same thing, but it was 50% mortality at 50', and 50% compound/complex fractures at 20'. 

As yet another rule of thumb, I've heard 10% per 10'.

Tradiban wrote:
To simplify it, the flaw is that the Gri unlocks with a contraction instead of a expansion. Contraction is what you do when you panic. Also, its difficult for people to go from taking in slack back to getting your finger under the flange.

6/10

Marc801 C wrote: I recall reading some time ago that the mortality rate for a 20' fall to ground is about 50%.

This means nothing. There are so many factors at play. A 20' fall in a gym with padded flooring is going to have a much lower fatality rate, I dont think it has ever happened actually.