Climbing superpowers

Come up with creative climbing-related minor superpowers, pick your favorites, make fun of stupid ideas, etc.

Mutant Mitts – You can shrink or grow your hands by 25% on command
Perfect Pro – You can temporarily transform a piece of pro up to 2 sizes larger or smaller. Piece reverts to original size upon cleaning.
Chalk Cough – Once per minute, you can exhale a li’l poof of chalk
Auto Approach – Approaches can be voluntarily “time warped” so you perceive them to be over the moment you start.
Modular Meat – On-the-fly, you can redistribute up to 25% of your body weight between left/right/anterior/posterior
Route Rights – If you start up a route, anyone currently on that route instantly finishes their climb (ala the above “time warp”)
Double Dyno – Any time you perform a full dyno, your distance is doubled
Leisure Lockoff – It no longer requires energy to maintain a lockoff
Radical Rope – Any rope you climb on is both endless and frictionless

Highschool metabolism - eat crap and still maintain single digit % body fat.

Honnald head - to be as fearless as Honnald.

go go gadget arms/legs - extendable legs/arms

flight - you can just levitate to the top of the climb

instaladder - you have a lightweight ladder which extends the height of the climb and retracts again for the hike out

dosomethingelse - since superpowers make climbing pointless, you decide to do something else worthwhile with your time

Technoholds - pounding dubstep emminates from each hidden hold at 20dB times your level.  Yes, I just made this a role playing game as well.  Reach for the beatz, broseph!! 

Canine Encirclement - rabid dogs circle your gear, chasing all other climbers away from your route.  Nevermind, just another day at the crag.

Booty Magnet - all stuck gear within 10’ instantly unseizes, levittates, and then sticks to you.  Score!!

Eagle eye- from the ground you have the ability to spot key holds on even the tallest routs

Glue shoe- a smear that will stick no matter what 

Not purely on topic, but given the name of the thread I'm not sure when else I would ask this--would Spiderman or Superman be better at climbing? Discuss. 

Sean Post wrote: Not purely on topic, but given the name of the thread I'm not sure when else I would ask this--would Spiderman or Superman be better at climbing? Discuss. 

well, better at what kind of climbing? 

speed climbing is all the rage these days...
so superman would just jump to the top.  (does it count as a send if he never touches the wall?)
but spiderman could be smart and webshot Superman as he jumps, slingshotting for the photo finish

so that's a draw.

what about ice climbing?  do webs work in sub-freezing temps?  Does Superman possess Super Finesse... or does he just rip every hold off the mountain as he goes..

Low gravity day - The force of gravity on your body fluctuates randomly by up to +/- 15% on a daily basis. The most potent use of this power is the ability to legitimately use the excuse that you are having a high gravity day.

Route Amnesia - The ability to choose to completely forget a past route. This allows you to make multiple on-sight attempts of the same route.

Unsteepening - All climbing feels like it is 10 degrees less steep. The caveat is that the wielder is more susceptible to road rash from falling off face climbs that are now slab, and hitting ledges that should be tucked safely back under an overhang.

Forrest Carver wrote: 
Radical Rope – Any rope you climb on is both endless and frictionless

What would be the purpose of a frictionless rope? When you want to free solo with training weight? 

Em Cos wrote:

What would be the purpose of a frictionless rope? When you want to free solo with training weight? 

How would you even attach it to yourself for this purpose?

David Kerkeslager wrote:

How would you even attach it to yourself for this purpose?

And forget about a belay. 

Forrest Carver wrote: Come up with creative climbing-related minor superpowers, pick your favorites, make fun of stupid ideas, etc.

Mutant Mitts – You can shrink or grow your hands by 25% on command
Perfect Pro – You can temporarily transform a piece of pro up to 2 sizes larger or smaller. Piece reverts to original size upon cleaning.
Chalk Cough – Once per minute, you can exhale a li’l poof of chalk
Auto Approach – Approaches can be voluntarily “time warped” so you perceive them to be over the moment you start.
Modular Meat – On-the-fly, you can redistribute up to 25% of your body weight between left/right/anterior/posterior
Route Rights – If you start up a route, anyone currently on that route instantly finishes their climb (ala the above “time warp”)
Double Dyno – Any time you perform a full dyno, your distance is doubled
Leisure Lockoff – It no longer requires energy to maintain a lockoff
Radical Rope – Any rope you climb on is both endless and frictionless

Radical Rope needs to be renamed Suicide Rope because without friction a fall is a free solo death because your partner could not stop the fall without friction.

ViperScale . wrote:

Radical Rope needs to be renamed Suicide Rope because without friction a fall is a free solo death because your partner could not stop the fall without friction.

This is a magic rope. Frictionless for no rope drag but friction for braking. 

Sean Post wrote: Not purely on topic, but given the name of the thread I'm not sure when else I would ask this--would Spiderman or Superman be better at climbing? Discuss. 

Plasticman FTW

Quicksave

Summon Top Rope Goat

For girls it's called a GYNO.

reboot wrote:

I mean, an auto belay like TRUBLUE doesn't need friction to work, and a sewn or melted-together end doesn't need friction to stay put. Think outside the box!

Good point. I guess my super power would be 'Bouncy-Butt'. I can deck from anywhere without getting hurt. That kinda negates the need for anything else.