Mountain Project Logo

Climbing superpowers


Original Post
Forrest Carver · · Edgecomb, ME · Joined Jul 2014 · Points: 85

Come up with creative climbing-related minor superpowers, pick your favorites, make fun of stupid ideas, etc.

Mutant Mitts – You can shrink or grow your hands by 25% on command
Perfect Pro – You can temporarily transform a piece of pro up to 2 sizes larger or smaller. Piece reverts to original size upon cleaning.
Chalk Cough – Once per minute, you can exhale a li’l poof of chalk
Auto Approach – Approaches can be voluntarily “time warped” so you perceive them to be over the moment you start.
Modular Meat – On-the-fly, you can redistribute up to 25% of your body weight between left/right/anterior/posterior
Route Rights – If you start up a route, anyone currently on that route instantly finishes their climb (ala the above “time warp”)
Double Dyno – Any time you perform a full dyno, your distance is doubled
Leisure Lockoff – It no longer requires energy to maintain a lockoff
Radical Rope – Any rope you climb on is both endless and frictionless

jacob m s · · Provo, Utah · Joined Apr 2011 · Points: 100

Highschool metabolism - eat crap and still maintain single digit % body fat.

Honnald head - to be as fearless as Honnald.

go go gadget arms/legs - extendable legs/arms

Steve Marshall · · Concord NH · Joined Jul 2014 · Points: 40

flight - you can just levitate to the top of the climb

instaladder - you have a lightweight ladder which extends the height of the climb and retracts again for the hike out

dosomethingelse - since superpowers make climbing pointless, you decide to do something else worthwhile with your time

Hamish Malin · · Fredericksburg, VA · Joined May 2017 · Points: 15

Technoholds - pounding dubstep emminates from each hidden hold at 20dB times your level.  Yes, I just made this a role playing game as well.  Reach for the beatz, broseph!! 

Hamish Malin · · Fredericksburg, VA · Joined May 2017 · Points: 15

Canine Encirclement - rabid dogs circle your gear, chasing all other climbers away from your route.  Nevermind, just another day at the crag.

Hamish Malin · · Fredericksburg, VA · Joined May 2017 · Points: 15

Booty Magnet - all stuck gear within 10’ instantly unseizes, levittates, and then sticks to you.  Score!!

sambo2591 · · Columbia Md · Joined Apr 2016 · Points: 60

Eagle eye- from the ground you have the ability to spot key holds on even the tallest routs

sambo2591 · · Columbia Md · Joined Apr 2016 · Points: 60

Glue shoe- a smear that will stick no matter what 

Sean Post · · Laguna Beach, CA · Joined Apr 2017 · Points: 3

Not purely on topic, but given the name of the thread I'm not sure when else I would ask this--would Spiderman or Superman be better at climbing? Discuss. 

J Squared · · santa barbara, CA · Joined Nov 2017 · Points: 0
Sean Post wrote: Not purely on topic, but given the name of the thread I'm not sure when else I would ask this--would Spiderman or Superman be better at climbing? Discuss. 

well, better at what kind of climbing? 

speed climbing is all the rage these days...
so superman would just jump to the top.  (does it count as a send if he never touches the wall?)
but spiderman could be smart and webshot Superman as he jumps, slingshotting for the photo finish

so that's a draw.

what about ice climbing?  do webs work in sub-freezing temps?  Does Superman possess Super Finesse... or does he just rip every hold off the mountain as he goes..
Alex R · · Golden · Joined May 2015 · Points: 16

Low gravity day - The force of gravity on your body fluctuates randomly by up to +/- 15% on a daily basis. The most potent use of this power is the ability to legitimately use the excuse that you are having a high gravity day.

Route Amnesia - The ability to choose to completely forget a past route. This allows you to make multiple on-sight attempts of the same route.

Unsteepening - All climbing feels like it is 10 degrees less steep. The caveat is that the wielder is more susceptible to road rash from falling off face climbs that are now slab, and hitting ledges that should be tucked safely back under an overhang.

Em Cos · · Boulder, CO · Joined Apr 2010 · Points: 5
Forrest Carver wrote: 
Radical Rope – Any rope you climb on is both endless and frictionless

What would be the purpose of a frictionless rope? When you want to free solo with training weight? 

David Kerkeslager · · New Paltz, NY · Joined Jan 2017 · Points: 124
Em Cos wrote:

What would be the purpose of a frictionless rope? When you want to free solo with training weight? 

How would you even attach it to yourself for this purpose?

Briggs Lazalde · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Sep 2017 · Points: 0
jacob m s wrote

Honnald head - to be as fearless as Honnald.

Caldwell claws = lose a finger, somehow gain dexterity(unlocks the dawn wall).

Honnold head + Caldwell claws = unlocks record setting ability and major sponsor perks
Phil Lauffen · · Innsbruck, AT · Joined Jun 2008 · Points: 2,605
David Kerkeslager wrote:

How would you even attach it to yourself for this purpose?

And forget about a belay. 

ViperScale . · · McMurdo Station, AQ · Joined Dec 2013 · Points: 240
Forrest Carver wrote: Come up with creative climbing-related minor superpowers, pick your favorites, make fun of stupid ideas, etc.

Mutant Mitts – You can shrink or grow your hands by 25% on command
Perfect Pro – You can temporarily transform a piece of pro up to 2 sizes larger or smaller. Piece reverts to original size upon cleaning.
Chalk Cough – Once per minute, you can exhale a li’l poof of chalk
Auto Approach – Approaches can be voluntarily “time warped” so you perceive them to be over the moment you start.
Modular Meat – On-the-fly, you can redistribute up to 25% of your body weight between left/right/anterior/posterior
Route Rights – If you start up a route, anyone currently on that route instantly finishes their climb (ala the above “time warp”)
Double Dyno – Any time you perform a full dyno, your distance is doubled
Leisure Lockoff – It no longer requires energy to maintain a lockoff
Radical Rope – Any rope you climb on is both endless and frictionless

Radical Rope needs to be renamed Suicide Rope because without friction a fall is a free solo death because your partner could not stop the fall without friction.

Adrienne DiRosario · · Troy, NY · Joined Jan 2016 · Points: 0
ViperScale . wrote:

Radical Rope needs to be renamed Suicide Rope because without friction a fall is a free solo death because your partner could not stop the fall without friction.

This is a magic rope. Frictionless for no rope drag but friction for braking. 

Hamish Malin · · Fredericksburg, VA · Joined May 2017 · Points: 15
Sean Post wrote: Not purely on topic, but given the name of the thread I'm not sure when else I would ask this--would Spiderman or Superman be better at climbing? Discuss. 

Plasticman FTW

Andy Eiter · · Madison, WI · Joined Jul 2014 · Points: 15

Quicksave

ViperScale . · · McMurdo Station, AQ · Joined Dec 2013 · Points: 240

Summon Top Rope Goat

Jeffrey Constine · · Los Angeles, CA · Joined May 2009 · Points: 563

For girls it's called a GYNO.

Guideline #1: Don't be a jerk.

General Climbing
Post a Reply to "Climbing superpowers"

Log In to Reply