Childfree because I don't want to fuck up my climbing; husband not happy

yes Aleks

I read an interesting study recently that found biological response reasons for why folk who have kids think they're the best thing ever and cannot understand why everyone doesn't want them, to the point of childfree couples in a community being ostracized for that choice. Like, people have to freaking come out of the closet as not wanting kids. John Kelley's post being the perfect example: to him, there is nothing more awesome and unicorn rainbow farts than the act of raising a child, and ends up judging childfree people quite harshly for their breeding decisions...and their choice to wear belay glasses. He's not trying to be a jerk, there's just an actual code in most people's system that does not compute why someone wouldn't want kids. 

Will try to find the study, but googling key words just gets me random Cosmo articles.

La Momoface wrote:

I read an interesting study recently that found biological response reasons for why folk who have kids think they're the best thing ever and cannot understand why everyone doesn't want them...He's not trying to be a jerk, there's just an actual code in most people's system that does not compute why someone wouldn't want kids. 

I don't doubt that...we probably wouldn't have survived as a species without it. Not that it's any less annoying. But using the word "breeding" (a term typically not used on human) to describe it isn't helping your point either.

reboot wrote:

I don't doubt that...we probably wouldn't have survived as a species without it. Not that it's any less annoying. But using the word "breeding" (a term typically not used on human) to describe it isn't helping your point either.

Not sure I had a point, more musing out loud...and we are just mammals. Is procreating better? 'Having children' over simplifies what's actually going on, I think. You 'have' dinner, not children. Unless you have children for dinner, I guess.

ETA and it does make sense to me that of all of the monkey traits we've managed to drop to become a 'higher species', ones that have to to with having kids would be the hardest to get rid of. Evolution really wants that one to stick around, for obvious reasons.

John Kelly wrote:

Eric...that was EXACTLY the way it was. "I want to get the 5.11.b" or whatever. And she is back with her old boyfriend who is the same way has no life beyond climbing. With the belay glasses and all of that shit. Personally, I j ust looked up but whatever if you're cool you wear them I guess

To the OP. I come from Brooklyn NY and how the heck I ended up in Easley, SC is beyond me....welll maybe not. Seee there was was a child who needed a male role model (god help him me) and I was presented with the chance to step up or just ignore it. Real dad gone before he was born. He's my step grandson. Never had kids of my own. 

There is NOTHING IN THIS WORLD LIKE THE LOVE FOR  A CHILD and I thank god everyday for the gift he gave me. He put me here. I'm convinced. There is no 5.10b, any ski run or wave I catch or anything else i do that brings me as much joy as this kid. He had menegitis at 4 months almost died but hung tuff. I do well enough to get him private tutors and stuff, and I constantly hear "he's so lucky to have you". And I immdeiately say back, "no, I'm the lucky one." If you get it you get it. You with kids get it.

So for the OP I'm telling you...hard body or not, whatever, that love for a child will outshine any sense of accomplisment you may get from climbing. It was an epiphany for me and I am so grateful that I was given the opportunity to experience this kind of love, where you'd lay down your life for that child.

Whatever the outcome of your situation turns out to be I truly hope you get to experience that type of love. I would have missed it and never even knownder how many people do? Just a heads up coming from 60 year old "pah" with a few tears in his eyes right now. But I'm betting quite a few people on this thread are as grateful for that gift as I am. Too bad you can't sample it and see if its anuything even remotely close to your climbing high. Sappiness over.

While yours is a beautiful story, I would be really wary of telling someone that they will never experience the TRUE joy/love/happiness if they chose not to have/adopt kids.

Your life went the way it did, and you are happy with it. But you don't know what you are missing, and where your life would have ended up, and how you would have felt if you took another path. Nobody can know that. Maybe in an alternate universe you could now be a childless Buddist monk who achieved Nirvana, and who lives in bliss and peace. And maybe in that alternate universe you would have been just as happy and full of love as you are now.

Nobody should have kids because having kids will bring them joy and happiness that is somehow lacking in their childless life. You should only have kids because you want to have kids, and not because you think they are some happiness-generating gadget.

And also, there is this idea that children can't bring joy into your life if they aren't YOUR children/stepchildren/grandchildren, etc. Some of the most wonderful people I know who delight in spending time with children are people who do not have children. If anything, choosing to spend couple hours a week with a child who is not yours, and for whom you are not in any way obligated to provide love and support is often a sign of a bigger heart and selflessness, than the obligatory bleary-eyed slugging through life taking care of a kid you produced, and now HAVE to care for.

People on here trying to convince her that she actually wants kids really need to slow their collective roll. ETA Guy Keesee is onto something yall

Yeah, the default should be to not have kids... for everyones sake.

Guy Keesee wrote:

I think how big of a tool I was as a teenager is one of the reasons I don't want to have kids...what if I raise a ME?!?

Lena chita wrote:

While yours is a beautiful story, I would be really wary of telling someone that they will never experience the TRUE joy/love/happiness if they chose not to have/adopt kids.

+1. When I hear this kind of absolutist BS, I have a difficult time taking anything else they say seriously. 

Joe Prescott wrote:

Yeah, the default should be to not have kids... for everyones sake.

+100

Pnelson wrote:

Hey dude, I love Game of Thrones as much as the next guy, but that's a pretty stupid thing to post in here.  I can't delete it (not that kind of admin), but if I could I would.

No biggie I will. Go ahead and delete your quote if you want it gone gone

La Momoface wrote:

I think how big of a tool I was as a teenager is one of the reasons I don't want to have kids...what if I raise a ME?!?

That's when your parents get to roll on the floor laughing at you, dear.

;-)

Pnelson wrote:

Hey dude, I love Game of Thrones as much as the next guy, but that's a pretty stupid thing to post in here.  I can't delete it (not that kind of admin), but if I could I would.

Wait, "There's not cure for being a cunt" is from Game of Thrones? I've been saying that for years.

If you married a man--telling him beforehand you wanted kids--then changed your mind afterwards because you wanted to have more fun climbing, then I would say it is grounds for your husband divorcing you for breach of contract.  Have all the fun you want and best of luck to your husband in finding a committed future spouse and raising wonderful kids.

"What have been your experiences with being pregnant, having a baby, being a parent, and continuing climbing?"

Before kids my wife and I climbed a lot. Pretty much every weekend for most of the year. We also took big trips for several weeks in the summer hiking/climbing/backpacking in National Parks. Now after two kids (3 years and 5 months) she has not been out climbing since and I have been out only a few times. I did build woody in the back yard and switched to at home training and working out with the hopes of getting back into climbing consistently again some day in the future. While we love our kids and we are doing our best to be the best parents we can possibly be, the transition to parenthood has been difficult and we definitely missed the freedom of our lives before kids. 

caesar.salad wrote:

Wait, "There's not cure for being a cunt" is from Game of Thrones? I've been saying that for years.

Yeah, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say that you're probably not as cool as Bronn of the Blackwater.

I'm an angry parent!1!1!1!

John, you're late for the Star Trek convention. Edit what? Who cares? Maybe I had an old profile. Nice contribution to the topic at hand. Oh, you're right Spock ear is hanging off btw.

Lena, thank you for putting it in perspective. That is from my personal experience only and to assume it applies to all is presumptous. Although I must say I think it would apply to many. But your points are well taken...except the Monk thing. There isn't a universe where I could be a Monk...I blew that chance years ago, lol! ;>) 

I just love the kid so much but your right.