Best climbing quotes

This may or may not already be a page but I feel like it definitely should be. Post your favorite climbing/mountaineering quotes here be serious or funny. I'll start it out with a couple of my favorites. 

The mountaineer can intend but the weather decides. 

Bouldering is like masturbation: it's not as good as the real thing but you don't need a partner or protection.

At least you'll stick the landing if you fall. By stick the landing I mean stick both your femurs through your pelvis. 

"Best climbing quptes"

;-)

"Try to avoid long runouts if there are rattlesnakes in the cracks." 

It's not a matter of overpowering the wall, it's a matter of keeping the adventure of uncertainty to a maximum.

"YER GONNA DIE."

“You get to the top of a wall, there’s nothing up there. Lionel Terray, the great French climber called it ‘The conquistadors of the useless.’ Yeah, the end result is absolutely useless, but every time I travel, I learn something new and hopefully I get to be a better person.” – Yvon Chouinard

"A rescue is unwanted, unwarranted, and will not be accepted" - Warren Harding on the first accent push of wall of early morning light (I think?) after a big storm hit

Going to the Gunks/Yosemite/Red Rocks, etc.  to boulder is like going to a whorehouse to masturbate. It may be safer but not nearly as much fun as the real thing.

Climbing is not a sport.  It is a psycho-neurotic tendency. -- John Menlove Edwards

"Climbers only have two kinds of friends, other climbers and paramedics."  - Jo Bannister

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.' So he tied her up and went climbing.

Rock climbing is the most fun you can have with your pants on.

If climbers used the word 'beta' the way Microsoft does, we'd all be dead.

It is okay to buy used climbing gear on EBay…it comes with a lifetime warranty.

In my advanced age I only climb easy climbs with pretty women or pretty climbs with easy women.

Climbing slabs is like sex…Spread you legs and trust the rubber.

Q: What's the best thing about girls who like to go bouldering?
A: They already have mattresses strapped to their backs.

Q: Do you know the hardest thing about bouldering?
A: Coming out to your parents.

Q: How many boulderers does it take to climb a little rock?
A: Ten:  one to climb, one to spot,  one to video the awesomeness, and seven to sit on the mattresses and cheer.

Q: What’s the difference between a Swiss mountain guide and god?
A: God doesn't think he's a Swiss mountain guide...

"I'm going to have to take you off belay for a second... the dog's all tangled up in the rope."

"It goes, boys"

Lynn Hill

Meier: You're very good. I have really enjoyed climbing with you.

"ME": We'll make it.

Meier: I don't think so. But we shall continue with style. 

"Never use technique where pure power will do" Jerry Moffat

"Frank, I hate ruin a beautiful day but I have to lower you.  I'm having a heart attack." Richard "Doc" Felch.  And he was!

"We can just scamper up the crack."  Felch again, when we were looking at Push before attempting to put the line in.  As it turned out, the scamper involved a 12a mantle followed by 11+ climbing after to get to the crack.  "Scamper" has since been stricken from our lexicon.

"Of all the paths you take in life, make sure a few of them are dirt." John Muir. 

"How you climb a mountain is more important than reaching the top." 

"Real adventure is defined best as a journey from which you may not come back alive, and certainly not as the same person." Yvon Chouinard. 

My personal favorite... 

"Climbing is like a brain enema. It just cleans all the crap out of your head." 

Brian wrote:

Going to the Gunks/Yosemite/Red Rocks, etc.  to boulder is like going to a whorehouse to masturbate. It may be safer but not nearly as much fun as the real thing.

That's a common misunderstanding of bouldering in more than 1 level. FWIW, I thought the bouldering @ Red Rocks is much more fun & memorable than most of the routes there.

reboot wrote:

That's a common misunderstanding of bouldering in more than 1 level. FWIW, I thought the bouldering @ Red Rocks is much more fun & memorable than most of the routes there.

mehh, going to RR to boulder is like jerking it in the mustang ranch parking lot.

slim wrote:

mehh, going to RR to boulder is like jerking it in the mustang ranch parking lot.

Says the non-boulderer...

Regardless, I like instant gratification. On the other hand there's nothing like disappointment after a long & arduous buildup.

slim wrote:

mehh, going to RR to boulder is like jerking it in the mustang ranch parking lot.

The weather is either going to get better, get worse, or stay the same.

When in doubt, run it out.

"You guys need to calm down and go with the flow."

John Gill. 

( The 1st original Grand Master  of focused Gymnastic Climbing. cordless; Bouldering, @ 4 grades above the standards of the day.)

Regarding the point or pointlessness of grading Boulder problems, weather with, French/Euro numbers, (YDS) 5._ _. Or 'V' grades.