Best Way To Murder A "Climber"

Fellow MPers,

I have a serious problem on my hands. There is this person at my climbing gym that must be executed.

First time I ever meet her she says
"There is no benefit in warming up I never warm up"
"Here in Montana people rate this a 5.9 but in Colorado it's probably like a 5.10"
"I have a extensive background of guiding climbing trips"
"I've never climbed on real rock before"

Yeah WTF, do you guide in the gym?

"I'm so excited to work in a gym doing something I love"

She then goes on to say that she climbs 5.12 because she hung on a TR for every move in a gym yet can not RP even a 5.10b

Furthermore she acts like she knows everything about climbing which is far from reality

The point is that this person needs to die! So convicts of MP, how is it done? Cut the rope, drop a rock, beat her over the head with a cam?

Lets hear it.

For legal purposes I do not 'actually' intend to kill this person

How about a pic of said girl first

There are a couple of approaches when planning the demise of a garrulously incoherent and inconsistent indoor climbing jock. All depend critically on your commitment to subject matter and feigned interest in disseminating same.

1. Discuss with her the pros and cons of Vatican II, specifically the cessation of the traditional Latin Mass. This may take some research on your part, but I'll wager just when you get to the part of how you wish the Celebrant still kept his back to the congregation, which you feel heightened the sense of ritual and mystery, she will probably kill herself.

2. Discuss the 1975 Pittsburgh Steelers, with an emphasis on how Jack Lambert's ferocious run stopping complimented "Mean" Joe Green's pocket pressure ability. If this fails to induce a coma-like unconsciousness, try explaining how, even though Terry Bradshaw only scored a 16 on the Wonderlic, he possessed an almost instinctual awareness of defensive tendencies, especially acute at dissecting the 4-3. This will undoubtedly result in some manner of seizure, which if prolonged or enhanced by referencing Chuck Noll's authoritarian coaching style, is sure to result in death.

3. Tell her how hard you crank, it will literally blow her mind!

Do ypu normally want to kill every girl that won't sleep with you?

I think he's retired but you should try and hook the chick up with Jonathan Hemlock, I hear he's an expert in these matters.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rswK8bgCWFE

wankel7 wrote:Do ypu normally want to kill every girl that won't sleep with you?

What he said.....

I'll give you three options

1.Tell her you want to reenact the first ascent of the nose in the gym. When she has to sleep next to you on a portaledge at the top of the wall next to a pile of turds in paper bags she will probably hang herself.

2. Convince her that fasting like buddha is the best way to climb 5.15b.

3. Get naked and ask her how she is going to help you out...

milfred wrote:For legal purposes I do not 'actually' intend to kill this person

But for all other intents and purposes you do?

lol at "actually" in "quotes"

better yet tell her about all the epics you must be crushing in Mississippi. Heard there's a sweet 20ft high choss pile in tishomingo

caughtinside wrote:You could really do better here. Where is the craft? Just a bunch of n00b quotes. Entertainment factor very low.

Bwahahahahahaha! Hear hear!

matt davies wrote:There are a couple of approaches when planning the demise of a garrulously incoherent and inconsistent indoor climbing jock. All depend critically on your commitment to subject matter and feigned interest in disseminating same. 1. Discuss with her the pros and cons of Vatican II, specifically the cessation of the traditional Latin Mass. This may take some research on your part, but I'll wager just when you get to the part of how you wish the Celebrant still kept his back to the congregation, which you feel heightened the sense of ritual and mystery, she will probably kill herself. 2. Discuss the 1975 Pittsburgh Steelers, with an emphasis on how Jack Lambert's ferocious run stopping complimented "Mean" Joe Green's pocket pressure ability. If this fails to induce a coma-like unconsciousness, try explaining how, even though Terry Bradshaw only scored a 16 on the Wonderlic, he possessed an almost instinctual awareness of defensive tendencies, especially acute at dissecting the 4-3. This will undoubtedly result in some manner of seizure, which if prolonged or enhanced by referencing Chuck Noll's authoritarian coaching style, is sure to result in death. 3. Tell her how hard you crank, it will literally blow her mind!

Matt - I want you to comment on every post ever. On every website. Friend me on Facebook just so you can provide a constant stream of witty banter on my wall. I'll pay to be your friend.

I knew a girl like that, she was all "Yeaaaah bra... I climb 11d in the gym.. ."

So I was all, "let's go do a route in Eldo together, but it's only a 10a.. so hopefully you won't be too bored."

I took her to Rosy Crucifixion....

Cleared that swagger right up!

milfred wrote:The point is that this person needs to die! So convicts of MP, how is it done? Cut the rope, drop a rock, beat her over the head with a cam?

Why would you have a knife, rock or cam in a gym? I am imagining even Inspector Clouseau coming across these clues and solving the crime in a matter of minutes.

BDergay wrote:I knew a girl like that, she was all "Yeaaaah bra... I climb 11d in the gym.. ." So I was all, "let's go do a route in Eldo together, but it's only a 10a.. so hopefully you won't be too bored." I took her to Rosy Crucifixion.... Cleared that swagger right up!

Rosy is my favorite climb to take gym rats on. I love the look on their face as they think about unclipping the second bolt!

milfred wrote:Fellow MPers, I have a serious problem on my hands. There is this person at my climbing gym that must be executed. First time I ever meet her she says "There is no benefit in warming up I never warm up" "Here in Montana people rate this a 5.9 but in Colorado it's probably like a 5.10" "I have a extensive background of guiding climbing trips" "I've never climbed on real rock before" Yeah WTF, do you guide in the gym? "I'm so excited to work in a gym doing something I love" She then goes on to say that she climbs 5.12 because she hung on a TR for every move in a gym yet can not RP even a 5.10b Furthermore she acts like she knows everything about climbing which is far from reality The point is that this person needs to die! So convicts of MP, how is it done? Cut the rope, drop a rock, beat her over the head with a cam? Lets hear it. For legal purposes I do not 'actually' intend to kill this person

First world problems?

Phillip Morris wrote:I think he's retired but you should try and hook the chick up with Jonathan Hemlock, I hear he's an expert in these matters.

An Eiger Sanction reference

Classic!

It sounds to me like the best way to off her is to just set her free in a climbing spot outdoors. Natural selection will handle the rest. Or just sleep with her and forget about it.

I went down to the beach and saw Kiki
She was, like, all "ehhhh"
And I was, like, "whatever!"

Then this chick comes up to me and she's all, like,
"Hey, aren't you that dude?"
And I'm, like, "yeah, whatever!"

So later I'm at the pool hall
And this girl comes up
And she's, like, "awww"
And I'm, like, "yeah, whatever!"

Cause this is my
United States of Whatever!
And this is my
United States of Whatever!
And this is my
United States of Whatever!

And then it's three A.M.
And I'm on the corner, wearing my leather
This dude comes up and he's, like, "hey, punk!"
I'm, like, "yeah, whatever!"

Then I'm throwing dice in the alley
Officer Leroy comes up and he's, like,
"Hey, I thought I told you..."
And I'm, like, "yeah, whatever!"

And then up comes Zafo
I'm, like, "yo, Zafo. What's up?"
He's, like, "nothin'"
And I'm, like, "that's cool."

Cause this is my
United States of Whatever!
And this is my
United States of Whatever!

Oh quit pretending you want to murder her. You want her, she wants you. Get past the sexual tension and GO!

Take advice from Beyonce:

If you like her then you put a ring on it....

milfred wrote:Fellow MPers, I have a serious problem on my hands....I do not 'actually' intend to kill this person

wankel7 wrote:Do ypu normally want to kill every girl that won't sleep with you?

muttonface wrote: Just the ones that are ugly enough for me to think that sleeping with me would be a privelege- but deny me because someone gave them the ludicrous notion that they look better than they actually do.

Ellenor Stone wrote: This sounds like junior high! This thread does not make sense to me...but considering the maturity level here I conclude that u actually r attracted to that girl.. so go tell her or something

muttonface wrote: Or it could be that I was being cynical and/or facetious in the interest of getting a laugh, totally unsuspecting that someone would mistake my words for a literal scenario. There's that option as well.

So maybe i missed this unveiling in a previous post & it's now common knowledge but muttonface=milfred?

bump for answers.

The milf is back! All women are babes! except her!

I'll gladly take credit for muttonface's contribution.

If women don't sleep with me it typically doesn't bode well for them ;)

This ain't a hump and dump

I apologize for the lack of entertainment on my part. Any more detail and she will I.D. and do something crazy

God Damnit Ellenor Stone!! No pics! haha trust me

I have my eyes on the price: Alex Puccio