Questioning the wisdom of "Partner Finding"

Tony Bubb wrote: I ran into Sarah H. in a parking lot in Jtree, when I was walking around looking for odds and she was in a group of 3. Cool lady who climbs well and is safe.

Not from England by chance?

Met her through a "need a partner" type ad on rockclimbing.com. We climbed above Malibu. I hardly ever fall, but, did, and, she held me proudly, also avoiding the large rock that spalled out from under my foot. Sweet.

I make it a point to climb with new peep's all the time.

-Brian in SLC

Sorry. I guess that was a bit of a hijack on my part. Thinking about it makes me pretty mad. With regard to the thread title, this situation that I had was with a person who found me through partner finder. The story is too long to get into. In a nutshell this guy developed a crush and when I let him know that I was not interested in him, this was just one of the ways that he made my life suck on what was supposed to be a great road trip. I was really bummed. On that trip I lost an alpine partner and someone who I thought was a friend. Stupid me.

Some females say that guys who respond to females on partner finder are just looking to get laid. I haven't had a problem with this at all with the exception of this schmuck. For the most part the people who I have climbed with from this site have been good. I have not only become regular climbing partners with some but they are also friends. Most of the people I meet and climb with I have met from random encounters through other friends while out climbing, not from this site.

Hey Tracy,

No, I think this Epic Mike is another guy, aka Big Wall Todd if I'm not mistaken. The guy in question is identified by extreme incompetence (harness falls off frequently), inability to learn simple tasks (rope ascending and portaledge assembly), need for photos of self climbing, and an eventual and predictable nipple ring incident.

But your Mike story in Red Rocks would be nice to hear in detail. Ha ha ha.

Tracy Roach wrote:Sorry. I guess that was a bit of a hijack on my part.

Not at all! I cited the title which makes it virtually mandatory for you to tell about a bad experience meeting a partner through MP. And I'm with Stich...how did he strand you? Rap and pull the rope with you at the upper belay?

C'mon! We need to know what do do (or guard against) with bad partners.

EDIT: That's a bit glib. Sorry your trip sucked and you lost a friend. I mean it. Sensitively. Now...talk! :)

I've never used the partner finder and I doubt that I will in the future. I occasionally rope up with people that I meet at the crags, but I have a very strong technique/competence/sanity filter that they need to get through first. I learned a long time ago that when a stranger tells you that they climb 5.11+ it generally means that they're pretty solid at the mid-5.10 level. I like to move quickly, I don't want to be correcting someone's dangerous anchor setup, I don't want to get short-dicked while making a tough clip, etc.

The only times that I rope up with strangers at crags are when I've had a chance to watch them in action for a little while.

I've never had a bad experience with a new partner per se, but I only really climb with a pretty tight-knit group of friends 90% of the time.

[edit] Actually, I should amend my statement: Freshman year in the CU dorms I was willing to climb with just about anybody, but either the climbing talent at Chey-Ho was really high that year or I just got really lucky with the people I met (how's it going Kristo!).

Peter Franzen wrote: [edit] Freshman year in the CU dorms I was willing to climb with just about anybody, but either the climbing talent at Chey-Ho was really high that year or I just got really lucky with the people I met.

Peter, was this a mistake; did you mean this post for here, or for the Crack Climbing thread?

LOL. It was meant to go here but as it turns out it applies equally as well in both topics.

:p

I never had to use the partner finder until I temporarily moved back to Boulder after a couple years away. When I got back I found that my old partners (many of whom I met through work) had either a) moved away, b) more or less stopped climbing, or c) become so good, (and I so weak), that it was pointless to climb with them on a regular basis.

So I had to use the partner finder quite a bit. I felt the results were decidedly mixed, but overall better than not getting out. I have just moved to a new city, Tucson, and so I will continue to use it. It makes a big difference to me if people have some info on their profile so I can get a sense of them. I never chose to climb with someone who responded but had a blank profile.

As to the comment someone made about finding that people "overestimate" their ability, I plead guilty. But, it has a lot to do with how hard of a climb I'm willing to try with someone I've never met before, i.e. not very.

I've met and climbed with a number of MP'ers but only once did I use the official "Partner Finder" feature (it was successful).

Most of my partners I've met through networking - it's easier to trust someone new when your current partner can vouch for his/her abilities and personality. Recently, I introduced two of my climbing friends and the first route they did together was the Casual Route - no EpicMike story there; they summitted the Diamond by noon.

But to network, you've got to know someone initially... so some of my partners are my co-workers, others are people I met at MP beer nights or at the gym, and some are climbers I met at the crags.

Charles Vernon wrote:As to the comment someone made about finding that people "overestimate" their ability, I plead guilty.

I think everyone does to a degree, which is why some follow-up questions are usually in order; if somebody was climbing legitimate 5.12s a few years ago but is now relatively out of shape, then they probably know enough to speak up when the going gets too tough.

Plus, if I say "I climb 5.11" while looking for a partner to do some single pitches at Smith Rock it's a lot different than roping up with someone who wants a partner for Astroman.

It seems a lot of you have responded from the "experienced" side of the equation, so I'll give my view from the beginner side. I've been climbing just under 2 years now, and while I have a few partners with whom I climb with regularly, our work/family/school schedules cause a lot of conflict. So I've relied on online partners quite a bit. Although it does take a bit of faith to drive two hours to spend a weekend camping and climbing with someone you don't know, I've never had a bad experience. I learned to trad climb by following an internet partner for a weekend, and I learned to build trad anchors from a partner I picked up in the parking lot. Last year I started climbing ice, and since the only person I know who leads ice will be taking this ice season off to let his foot fully heal from an accident, my only chance of getting on any ice this winter will be from online partners. I can understand the point of view of those who hesitate to climb with a new climber. Obviously, you should be cautious, and if someone sends up warning signs you should be willing to walk away. I see no problem with giving somebody the third degree on belay techniques and gear placement abilities. But I'm pretty damn grateful to those that decided to give me a chance to get out of the gym. So if there's anyone near SE Idaho who wants to climb sport or trad, or wants to teach an amateur how to lead ice, or wants to drag someone with no aid experience up a big wall, I,m always looking for partners.

What I always think is funny is when you see so many partners describing themselves as similar in terms of experience and ambitions. So why don't they just contact each other?! Everyone wants to be the girl that gets asked to the prom. But sometimes you need to go Sadie Hawkins to get out on the rock.

Shumin Wu wrote:The first time I climbed with an online persona, he called me up and asked me if I could start the trip early because he'd just been suspended for locking grade school kids in a shed. He turned out to be a fine climber, but OMG was he the biggest spray lord of them all.

HAHAHA! That has to be JOHN! A good egg for sure. Or is that egghead? Kidding. :-)

Shumin Wu wrote:Still, to those who only ever climb with 2-3 others, are you that mistrustful of people in general?

In general? No.

When my life is on the line? Yes.

I have never used the 'partner finder' feature of this site, never needed to, but for those with issues about climbing with unknown others should guide for a while. You will come to appreciate any belay that you don't have to teach first.

As for people inflating their own abilities, I think it is common enough. I was at a (regular) gym on Monday and 3 guys were spraying about how much they could bench press, and I would bet at least one of them was exaggerating. I notice this more in men that women (stereotype?) but everyone is susceptible.

Also when people list how hard they climb on their MP profile, I know some that put down the hardest climbs they have done, instead of what they can consistently onsight/flash, which can lead to confusion.

IMHO it looks more badass to say you only climb 5.11a then flash a .12 than it is to say you lead 5.12a only to get humbled on an easy 5.11.

-Mike

Shumin Wu wrote: He turned out to be a fine climber, but OMG was he the biggest spray lord of them all.

That HAS to be John!

I've met all my most recent partners either here or at the gym. It's usually easy to tell early on if the two of you "jive" with one another.

Mike wrote:Also when people list how hard they climb on their MP profile, I know some that put down the hardest climbs they have done, instead of what they can consistently onsight/flash, which can lead to confusion.

I take those descriptions at face value. I list what grade I am willing to lead, assuming pro is decent. Lead to me doesn't necessarily mean on-sight. It means what I can get up without an undue amount of flailing, even if that involves a take or two.

James DeRoussel wrote: Do you frequently link up with climbers you don't know well? Have you ever had a bad experience? Any entertaining horror stories?

a funny cross post:
supertopo.com/climbing/thre…;msg=640649

David Shiembob wrote: I take those descriptions at face value. I list what grade I am willing to lead, assuming pro is decent. Lead to me doesn't necessarily mean on-sight. It means what I can get up without an undue amount of flailing, even if that involves a take or two.

Yes, this is a good point, and probably explains why people might unintentionally "inflate" their ability in a partner post. I doubt that anyone is really trying to make themselves look like a bad-ass. What would be the point - just set yourself up to look like a fool? I am sure that people are trying to be accomodating to potential partners by posting their upper limit that, as you say, they'd be "willing to lead" or "willing" to follow. I know that's what I generally assume people are meaning when they give a range, although it's good to be specific. I wouldn't want someone to sandbag me so they would look good if we got on something harder, because I might not call them at all if I had a particular route in mind and they posted their technical ability a full grade below that.

I have found 4 differnt partners so far, and all of them were good guys. Generally, I try to be upfront about my abilities, and have found that to be reciprocated. Bieng a total wuss makes it easy, I just say they have to plan on carrying me up the rock, and they either agree, or run like hell! ;)