Is climbing worth breaking up for ?

jack roberts wrote:Darren, Of course you can have it all. But sometimes you just have to wait longer for it to all come together...

i think once you find that one that has everything you could want in a woman, marry her.

Darren Mabe wrote: i think once you find the one that has everything you could want...

That's the crux of it, man. And it's a pretty tough crux if you ask me.

--Marc

Interesting discussion. I agree with Fat Dad that there is a distinction between dating and marriage -- and that issues of a nonsupportive partner could indicate a bad match. But with regard to how/when the switch to husband/wife happens, I'm not sure I really believe it's solely meeting 'the one' that leads a person to make that switch/decision. I think to an equal extent, a person also has to have matured enough to be able to (to want to, really) put aside their own interests -- to more strongly desire a partnership than a solitary existence that may be 'easier.' By set aside their own interests, I don't mean stop climbing; I just mean be able to see the bigger picture and meet someone halfway.

Marc Horan wrote: That's the crux of it, man. And it's a pretty tough crux if you ask me. --Marc

you may fall several times, but some day when you least expect it...

you send.

If you have to ask, you are already thinking about ending it with her. If there was no question in your mind, you wouldnt have posted this. I say dump her ass. If she isn't letting you enjoy your hobby, and the relationship is turning into work, toss her like a bad piece of gear....right into the trash.

If my fiance ever told me to stop climbing or stop playing guiter or she will break up with me, I would say "See ya later!"

Darren Mabe wrote: you may fall several times, but some day when you least expect it... you send.

That's a good way to look at it.

Hopefully I'll send soon, myself. :)

--Marc

crimpergirl wrote:With regard to how/when the switch to husband/wife happens, I'm not sure I really believe it's solely meeting 'the one' that leads a person to make that switch/decision. I think to an equal extent, a person also has to have matured enough to be able to (to want to, really) put aside their own interests -- to more strongly desire a partnership than a solitary existence that may be 'easier.' By set aside their own interests, I don't mean stop climbing; I just mean be able to see the bigger picture and meet someone halfway.

Wise words, crimpergirl. Our culture doesn't focus on it as much anymore, but shared commitment matters more to lasting marital happiness than starting with a perfect match. Surprisingly, even societies with arranged marriages meet or beat the US in marriage satisfaction because of that. What you give to each other on the path matters more than the beginning profile.

Shawn Mitchell wrote: What you give to each other on the path matters more than the beginning profile.

excellent.

It is not clear what situation the OP is in. He said that his girlfriend does not share his passion for climbing, but did not say that she if asking him to give it up. That is a significant distinction. If you love her and she just doesn't like climbing it does not seem like much of a decision at all. If she is asking you to give it up then she really doesn't love you.

I have been fortunate in that my wife was a climber before we had kids, but she hasn't climbed in 5 years since we had our first child. She was never as passionate about about climbing as I am but she fully understands the importance of climbing in my life and would never ask me to give it up. I would also never neglect my family for climbing. While there is nothing like being 2,000 feet up on the side of a wall I would trade that in a second for a day at an amusement park with my daughter. Luckily I don't have to make that choice. I get my night or two a week at the gym, one day on the weekend at the Gunks and one or two climbing trips a year. While I would love to climb every day you have to have priorities and my family will always take priority over climbing. If you get hurt or sick is climbing going to be by your side to get you through. There is something to be said for life long love and companionship which simply cannot be replaced by a sport.

Shawn - well said :)

Poor canyonclimber.

He only wanted advice on whether or not he should break up with his girlfriend.

Now we've practically got him married with children!!! LOL!!

Anyhow, one doesn't need to be married in order to have a long lasting, loving and fulfilling relationship.

I think everything in life is timing.

When the time is right and you find yourself with someone and the relationship feels effortless, easy and you feel that you can be yourself THAT's when it's "the right thing". Whenever something feels like too much effort put in the wrong direction then that's when it doesn't feel right to me.

Is anyone else waiting to see if a disgruntled ex posts up on this one?
Jake

You should break up.

One of the great things about a relationship is that you can find great joy and adventure in new experiences together. I'm surprised that she can't find joy in hiking/exploring/camping while you climb. It should make her happy to know that you are doing something you love. Every relationship requires a certain amount of compromise, and if she isn't up for it you can save yourself a lot of grief but cutting her loose now.

Lets all be realistic here, I can't remember the last time I spent less than 5 hours on a really great day out climbing - can any of you? That's a pretty big chunk of time for a girlfriend that is sitting at home waiting for you to get off that stupid rock. She's going to be pissy every time you get home. That's going to piss you off. You're both going to be miserable every time you climb.

My boyfriend loves to ski. I don't. So he skis while I play with our dog in the snow. Or I go do something I love that I think he would hate. It's called quality time apart. When you've been in a relationship a long time it is very valuable!

Canyonclimber
I stand by Curly's advice on everything, but a more concise answer is here:
If your under 30, yes... the bus always stops again. If your between 30 and 40... you need to think about what Bob says and decide if it might fit you. If your over 40 you better keep her. The bus may not want to stop when you get that set in your ways.

Sam,

What if you are in one age bracket and she in another? It's never easy is it?

Jake

canyonclimber wrote: Is climbing worth breaking up for? Climbing is a passion for me but not my girlfriend. I'm at a crossroads. In the long run is climbing still there for you when your hurt or to old to climb. I need opinions from people that had to make this choice.

All kidding aside, if you're asking this question, you're probably pretty young, so think of it like this. Climbing is no different than anything else in life that falls under the category of priorities. So, like anything else, decide what is more important to you, and if you can't balance them at this point in your life, then choose the one that feels more important right now.

If you're young, and your desire to climb consumes you, then you're probably better off at this point to just go with it. You will never be too old to start a relationship, buy you will only be young once.

I would have a sit down with your girlfriend and explain your concern to her. Be honest about your climbing passion. She might not have a problem with spending less time with you, or she might, but at least you will know that you explored all of the options with her.

Good luck.

As someone who has ended a couple LTRs to go climb, I'll admit I can be selfish. But,no regrets.

Sorry, But I dont want to get shitfaced at the Red Rocks concert, I wanna get up at midnight to climb the Diamond, it just seems more rewarding I suppose.

I'm all for sharing but if you dont have similar core values, it aint happening at least not in a healthy way.

I think Roberts is onto something.When its right it flows. Havnt found that yet, but hey theres always tomorrow

Qualification - been married 38 years
Answer to question - Yes!

Ken Cangi wrote: I would have a sit down with your girlfriend and explain your concern to her. Be honest about your climbing passion. She might not have a problem with spending less time with you, or she might, but at least you will know that you explored all of the options with her. Good luck.

This is the best peice of advice on the forum. Be up front with it. Take a break for a while. If your miserable and start climbing again and suddenly your happy she'll notice and hopefully be cool with it. Best of luck, and little 1 month breaks always do me wonders.

jack roberts wrote:When the time is right and you find yourself with someone and the relationship feels effortless, easy and you feel that you can be yourself THAT's when it's "the right thing". Whenever something feels like too much effort put in the wrong direction then that's when it doesn't feel right to me.

That's what I was gonna say!(Marrying in 2 weeks). My problem is that she started BASE jumping! And better than me!.... Dammit!