I Am a Bad Man

I like PBR and run-out slabs.....and I shoot my mouth off.

I’m delighted by all of the brutal self-deprecating honesty people are dropping on this forum. I feel semi-obligated to join in, plus I’m bored as hell at work. I don’t have kids, or a wife, or a life, or a real job, or any real reason not to be climbing hard. I just suck, plain and simple. It seems that my main sin is just that I’m a hater. I can’t stand people who climb hard, they make me green with jealousy, and they are usually cheating by doing things like training, or eating right, or not being hung-over, or just being talented – the biggest cheat of all (see Chris Sharma, the jerk).

I can’t stand stick clipping, grow some balls for Christ sake.

Rap-bolting is totally unjustifiable unless the route is 14a or harder, and anyone climbing that hard sucks anyway.

I hate Coors. PBR or some delicious import please, I also hate beer-snobs.

I hate elitist climbers, almost as much as those gumbies who think they are good enough to talk to me.

I hate anything that has the word “organic” on it, go eat some wheatgrass you f@#%ing hippies.

I hate hippies (especially if they climb hard).

I hate myself for being such a hater.

I hate people who spray too much, just because you sent doesn’t mean I want to hear your voice.

I really hate the trendy (usually trustafarian) urban-climber types, with their white-boy dreadlocks, and hemp necklaces and all that cal. I only like crusty old dudes who seem offended by my presence.

I hate climbers who get all uppity about cigarette smoke, if I’m ruining your experience then get the hell away from me; it’s not your crag.

I now realize that this looks like more of a hate list than a confessional, but please don’t take it that way, it really is a confesion of what a bad person I am (read: cry for help). I also like plenty of things, but nothing is coming to mind at the moment.

High octane IPA is the way. I like to buy drill bits in a 25 pack. This week, I received two small, heavy packages. One contained 200 hangers in four colors. The other, 60 mussies and quicklinks. It's gonna be a fun Autumn(I don't like the word "fall").

Sam Benedict wrote:, go eat some wheatgrass you f@#%ing hippies.

And I absolutely hate fuckheads who are afraid to cuss!

You should try some of my vegan Thai curry some time. You might like it!

;)

There are no bad climbers; just bad hangovers.

Lee Smith wrote:There are no bad climbers; just bad hangovers.

That's why you bring a six-pack to drink before the climb, fixes your hangover before a hard send.

yeah, that works, but people get real nervous looking at the crag when they see a bunch of empties around your belayer.

I love throwing a few down before I climb, especially if it's difficult. Eases the nerves a bit. But you're right, people look at you funny. Some even go so far as to make comments or provide "helpfull criticism", wich in my opinion is never a good thing to offer to somone who has been drinking.

I don't like my belayer to partake though. That's not cool.