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Curiously, the best I've ever heard came from my own lips. In the context though, I was the crusty old veteran mentoring the consummate n00b who's 7 years my senior.

We were at the Gill Seam at Vedauwoo and he noticed the old bolt hole. I explained that the seam used to be a practice aid problem and the bolt made the reach to the first pin placement doable.

He asked why the bolt was chopped and I retorted, perfect deadpan "Because somebody freed it".

"You don't know shit till you've done a big wall" Doug Scott 1979 to a very green me

"if i pushed you off right now, no one would know"...

"If it was easy, girls would do it"

My old crew,

back before girls started doing it

"That protection will probably stay in(Forrest Copperhead), as long as you don't fall!"

"Oh, I don't know, it's probably a 5.7" (Told to me by a real crusty old timer - John Rosholt - about a route now rated 5.9+/5.10 in Taylor Canyon, Gunnison - after I had to resort to direct aid to get past a move)

Me, "How's that crack?" Crusty Old Climber (Bob Dickerson) "Oh, it hurts so good!"

From Bridwell:

I remember when sex was safe and climbing was dangerous.

Old DLFA quotes from Taylors Falls regulars circa 1975-82

Touron: “Are you rappelling?”
Us: “No, you’re rappelling, we’re appealing”

Park Ranger, upon spotting us with climbing gear headed for the walls below Fort Snelling, where climbing is illegal: “Where are you going with that climbing gear?”
Us: “Climbing gear? What climbing gear? Oh this? Boating. Yes, that’s it. Boating”

Park Ranger, after taking us to park headquarters after catching us sneaking into the park with the objective of illegal camping: “Well, the jail is full so we’re going to let you go, this time, and put you on our warning list. But, you know what will happen if we catch you again?”
Us: “You’ll put us your double secret warning list?”

Touron, inquiring upon seeing us descend from Devils Tower: “Did you make it to the top?
Us: “Yep, sure did, and went for a wonderful swim. The top is hollow like a giant tree stump and it’s filled with water.”

Saint Croix River tour boat passenger, while passing beneath The Which’s Tit: “How can it be raining, there’s not a cloud in the sky?”
Fellow passenger: “Since when is rain yellow?”

Spoken to a party on the adjacent route Icarus, while free soloing The Yellow Spur: "You know my greatest fear of of falling from up here?"
Other party: "No, what?"
"Living"

An old timer who was tripping on acid while free soloing the Snake Dike on Half Dome told me an acronym i still use today. I guess after a few hundred feet he started to loose his head and just wanted something to clip for his head space. He dreamed up the stick on bolt , and aptly named it the "PPP" - Purely Pscychological Protection. Though few have placed a stick on bolt, most have placed a piece of gear which wouldn't hold a falling bag of kitty shit....that's the PPP

Mike Morley wrote:Me: "Take!!" The old school guy: "I don't know what that means."

I resemble that remark.

I always run into this guy at Boat Rock in Atlanta smoking Marlboro Reds while showing the gym rats how to pull the moves on V-Hards. He'll be doing some crazy hard mantel, or matching his foot to his hand with a cig hanging out of his mouth while saying his mantra, "All ya gotta do is...." That sh*t cracks me up.

In response to comments about the large rack he was bringing on a mixed climb first asscent in Glenwood canyon:

"Most of this stuff is just for show. Real protection comes from not falling off." - Jeff Lowe

"Hardmen don't wear hard hats."

-T. M. Herbert

"It's not climbing unless you can die doing it"

-Soo, an old Korean born and taught climber who would free solo 5.9 or less and only rope up for 5.10/5.11 R/X around PA, the Gunks, and Adirondacks.

Chris Sheridan wrote:In response to comments about the large rack he was bringing on a mixed climb first asscent in Glenwood canyon: "Most of this stuff is just for show. Real protection comes from not falling off." - Jeff Lowe

And once you climb in Glenwood Canyon you realize half of your placements are just for show...

My personal fav and mantra: 'the deader, the better...'

"If your not Happy, your not climbing enough"

A good one for climbing at the Garden:
"Pull down, not out"

Luke Hanley wrote:An old timer who was tripping on acid while free soloing the Snake Dike on Half Dome told me an acronym i still use today. I guess after a few hundred feet he started to loose his head and just wanted something to clip for his head space. He dreamed up the stick on bolt , and aptly named it the "PPP" - Purely Pscychological Protection.

Given the fact that he was free-soloing, one assumes he was clipping a PPR (purely psychological rope) to his PPP.

JL

Seconding a hard pitch, we got into the habit of yelling up "give me some tension" or just "tension", meaning "keep the damn rope tight". I was following my partner on a particularly difficult pitch and couldn't make the move, so I yelled "give me some suction!" That quickly became the standard signal for taking all possible slack from the rope.

"If you have to use a stick clip on it then you probably shouldn't be on the climb".

"You can't climb scared".

"Never write anything you'll only regret it"

Don Whillians

Mark Guycan's favorite saying as I nervously knock on hollow death flakes leading yet another chossy grunge pitch in Sedona:

"Bomber!"