Philip K Dick and Free Soloing

Was doomscrolling youtube at 2am last night and found myself in a rabbit hole rewatching clips from A Scanner Darkly.

It's tough to fully convey the potency of the epilogue without first being familiarized with the story, which follows a protagonist losing his mind while investigating a highly addictive and toxic drug as an undercover officer.

But the bits about addiction and being punished for wanting to play with danger and finding happiness in dangerous pursuits, I found myself welling up with 2am tears, thinking about friends, acquaintances, and tribe members who have died in climbing accidents. I was immediately reminded of David Moudy-Miller's heartbreakingly beautiful article about his son Balin.

Just thought that Philip K Dick's words were very poignant words and relatable, about wanting to touch the sun and live a glorious, soaring life, but all waxen wings have a melting point that must be respected, if not feared.

Just thought it worth sharing, as it feels very relatable from the perspective of any obsessive climber who dabbles in soloing or heinous run-outs:

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This has been a novel about some people who were punished entirely too much for what they did. They wanted to have a good time, but they were like children playing in the street; they could see one after another of them being killed—run over, maimed, destroyed—but they continued to play anyhow. We really all were very happy for a while, sitting around not toiling but just bullshitting and playing, but it was for such a terrible brief time, and then the punishment was beyond belief: even when we could see it, we could not believe it…. For a while I myself was one of these children playing in the street; I was, like the rest of them, trying to play instead of being grown up, and I was punished. I am on the list below, which is a list of those to whom this novel is dedicated, and what became of each.

Drug misuse is not a disease, it is a decision, like the decision to step out in front of a moving car. You would call that not a disease but an error in judgment. When a bunch of people begin to do it, it is a social error, a life-style. In this particular life-style the motto is “Be happy now because tomorrow you are dying.” But the dying begins almost at once, and the happiness is a memory. It is, then, only a speeding up, an intensifying, of the ordinary human existence. It is not different from your life-style, it is only faster. It all takes place in days or weeks or months instead of years. “Take the cash and let the credit go,” as Villon said in 1460. But that is a mistake if the cash is a penny and the credit a whole lifetime.

There is no moral in this novel; it is not bourgeois; it does not say they were wrong to play when they should have toiled; it just tells what the consequences were. In Greek drama they were beginning, as a society, to discover science, which means causal law. Here in this novel there is Nemesis: not fate, because any one of us could have chosen to stop playing in the street, but, as I narrate from the deepest part of my life and heart, a dreadful Nemesis for those who kept on playing. So, though, was our entire nation at this time. This novel is about more people than I knew personally. Some we all read about in the newspapers. It was, this sitting around with our buddies and bullshitting while making tape-recordings, the bad decision of the decade, the sixties, both in and out of the establishment. And nature cracked down on us. We were forced to stop by things dreadful.

If there was any ‘sin’, it was that these people wanted to keep on having a good time forever, and were punished for that, but, as I say, I feel that, if so, the punishment was far too great, and I prefer to think of it only in a Greek or morally neutral way, as mere science, as deterministic impartial cause-and-effect. I loved them all. Here is the list, to whom I dedicate my love:

To Gaylene deceased

To Ray deceased

To Francy permanent psychosis

To Kathy permanent brain damage

To Jim deceased

To Val massive permanent brain damage

To Nancy permanent psychosis

To Joanne permanent brain damage

To Maren deceased

To Nick deceased

To Terry deceased

To Dennis deceased

To Phil permanent pancreatic damage

To Sue permanent vascular damage

To Jerri permanent psychosis and vascular damage

…and so forth.

In Memoriam. These were comrades whom I had; there are no better. They remain in my mind, and the enemy will never be forgiven. The ‘enemy’ was their mistake in playing. Let them all play again, in some other way, and let them be happy.

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(posting from mobile, gonna clean up the formatting later from pc.)

clip can be found here but if this kind of thing is up your alley, i'd strongly suggest you just plan to watch the film in full, or read the book.

"drug misuse is not a disease, it's a decision..."

Being addicted to multiples substances and behaviors myself, i would strongly mostly disagree and partially lightly agree with this. One of the benefits of sobriety (coming up on 6 years, God willing), is the ability to make healthy decisions yet also recognizing that after a certain point, if I choose poorly, my decision making will be out of my control

As an aside, his stories have been adapted to other excellent films. we just rewatched Minority Report the other night. Excellent. Blade Runner (based on Do Androids Dream …), is one of my favorite films of all time. 

phylp phylpwrote:

As an aside, his stories have been adapted to other excellent films. we just rewatched Minority Report the other night. Excellent. Blade Runner (based on Do Androids Dream …), is one of my favorite films of all time. 

His biography is quite good, also.

Boreal Strutwrote:

"drug misuse is not a disease, it's a decision..."

Being addicted to multiples substances and behaviors myself, i would strongly mostly disagree and partially lightly agree with this. One of the benefits of sobriety (coming up on 6 years, God willing), is the ability to make healthy decisions yet also recognizing that after a certain point, if I choose poorly, my decision making will be out of my control

I agree that this is one of the most challenging and thought-provoking lines in the epilogue.

I suppose I am grateful that the movie version simplified it to just 

"This has been a story about people who were punished entirely too much for what they did. I loved them all. Here is a list, to whom I dedicate my love:

To Gaylene, Deceased
To Ray, Deceased
To Francy, Permanent psychosis
To Kathy, Permanent brain damage

. . . and so forth. In memoriam. These were comrades whom I had; there are no better. They remain in my mind, and the enemy will never be forgiven. The “enemy” was their mistake in playing. Let them play again, in some other way, and let them be happy."

To me, this condensed version of the epilogue perfectly matches that "kids playing in the street" dynamic, and is broadly applicable to the struggle of finding a limit or balance.

I do agree that it's an imperfect statement, in and of itself. I have mild addictive and obsessive compulsive tendencies and it is remarkable how quickly external chemicals can both remove and restore your ability to make thoughtful decisions and act with clear intention.

Cheers to 6 more years! 

Will be 20 years sober in august..  calling alcoholism etc a disease is a cop out and a crutch.  Makes it easy to say it's not my fault and there's nothing I can do about it. cancer is a disease. you have no choice with cancer.  You absolutely do have a choice with a bottle of whisky. 

Nick Goldsmithwrote:

Will be 20 years sober in august..  calling alcoholism etc a disease is a cop out and a crutch.  Makes it easy to say it's not my fault and there's nothing I can do about it. cancer is a disease. you have no choice with cancer.  You absolutely do have a choice with a bottle of whisky. 

I think it's kind of both.

Once you're a full blown alcoholic, you have a choice to seek treatment, but alcohol withdrawal can literally kill you, so, you kind of don't have a choice at that point but to respect the disease and try to navigate it successfully.

No one starts doing meth or heroin because they want to ruin their lives with addiction - they start because it sounds like a pleasant relief from the pain they are in, or they are hungry for more euphoria than the normal world can provide. Many start because they misunderstand the probability and/or severity of the consequences. 

Anyways. Don't want to get distracted by the debatable statements in the passage. 

It's the totality of it and the sentiment of "my friends were punished entirely too much for playing dangerous but alluring games" I find so heartbreakingly poignant and relatable.

calling addiction a disease is a crutch that makes it easy for addicts to tell themselves that it's out of my control and there's nothing I can do about it. Americans love a diagnosis because it takes them off the hook for actually tackling their own problems head on and doing something about them. 

I think a complete view of either agency or determinism in addiction (or in general) is reductive. So much of our lives are out of our control and things that happen to us, and we are given the immense and often improbable challenge of choosing to act and change the things that we can. I think either saying that addiction is wholly determined or totally in one's control it isn't fair to those experiencing a complex and difficult struggle. If there was no agency in addiction, no one would recover, and if it was purely a choice, so many wouldn't choose to die.

I'm also young and have only lived so much life, so I can understand if someone would disagree with me. I appreciate everyone's perspectives and Brent for engaging with art and bringing us the beauty and poignancy of Dick's words, whether they are an accurate reflection of the world or not.

Nick Goldsmithwrote:

calling addiction a disease is a crutch that makes it easy for addicts to tell themselves that it's out of my control and there's nothing I can do about it. Americans love a diagnosis because it takes them off the hook for actually tackling their own problems head on and doing something about them. 

Sure, and the reality that I've witnessed is that the folks who are saying they have the "disease" of addiction are actively trying to pursue sobriety, even if it's not working. Call it whatever you want, but what matters is that whatever term used is helpful to motivate the person to get better. Personally, I see my addiction to alcohol more like an allergy. But I'll stop the thread drift there... Happy to discuss this with anyone privately. It's a heavy subject

Edit: 20 years is a fucking miracle!

Tldr: OP likes Dick

I was a daily drinker from 14 to 44. No way I would still be climbing grade 5 ice at 64 years old if I hadn't quit drinking.  You have to actually want it.  Most people I know in the down spiral don't really want to quit.  I know I certainly didn't want to quit until I did actually want to quit.   I tried a few times but didn't really want it.  It's super easy to fall off a wagon you don't really want to be on.  It's just like a hard scary climb. There's a massive difference between wanting to have climbed a hard scary route and wanting to Climb a hard scary route.  If you just want to have climbed it bailing is super easy.  If you actually love the hard scary climbing and are there for the climbing rather than the tic it's a shittonn easier to hang in there... 

Daniel Patrick Smithwrote:

Tldr: OP likes Dick

Nick Goldsmithwrote:

I was a daily drinker from 14 to 44. No way I would still be climbing grade 5 ice at 64 years old if I hadn't quit drinking.  You have to actually want it.  Most people I know in the down spiral don't really want to quit.  I know I certainly didn't want to quit until I did actually want to quit.   I tried a few times but didn't really want it.  It's super easy to fall off a wagon you don't really want to be on.  It's just like a hard scary climb. There's a massive difference between wanting to have climbed a hard scary route and wanting to Climb a hard scary route.  If you just want to have climbed it bailing is super easy.  If you actually love the hard scary climbing and are there for the climbing rather than the tic it's a shittonn easier to hang in there... 

Appreciable sentiments, Nick.

In the hope of bringing a touch of clarity to a complicated issue: Addiction.

It IS a medical disease/condition and genetic factors play a major role in an individual's susceptibility as well as environmental factors.

The substance/activity takes over essential drives that motivate humans, Heroin the sex drive, Alcohol the natural mood endorphins etc,

In the grip of addiction the individual needs the fix to feel normal, and it can overwhelm the strongest of minds and lead to the most self-destructive behavior leading to death.

On the other hand, it is one the individual can conquer with their brain through strict abstinence, better environment and a healthier lifestyle that gives us all the "normal fixes" like a good buzz after exercise or the love of a good partner etc.

So happy for anyone to find sobriety! So much to live for. BUT we should remain sympathetic to those caught in the grip. The genetic susceptibility and environmental factors are very, very real and we are not all equal players on this dangerous ground.

But we do have choices.  You don't have a choice with cancer or Parkinsons etc. With addiction You can cure yourself tomorrow if you want it bad enough... by diagnosing the drunk with a medical condition you just gave them the perfect excuse to say fck it.  I have a disease so there's nothing I can do about it..  your sympathy is admirable  but also makes their condition worse.  The road to hell is paved with good intentions.  

John Tuttlewrote:

The genetic susceptibility and environmental factors are very, very real and we are not all equal players on this dangerous ground.

Could this statement be applied to virtually the entire spectrum of human behaviors? Is nature the unregulated expression of genetic susceptibility and nurture the training to suppress negative traits and elevate positive traits? 

DNA is nature and epigenetic influence is nurture. 

Epigenetic training can be overt and practiced, but also subtle and unnoticed. 

Nick Goldsmithwrote:

But we do have choices.  You don't have a choice with cancer or Parkinsons etc. With addiction You can cure yourself tomorrow if you want it bad enough... by diagnosing the drunk with a medical condition you just gave them the perfect excuse to say fck it.  I have a disease so there's nothing I can do about it..  your sympathy is admirable  but also makes their condition worse.  The road to hell is paved with good intentions.  

It's different approaches to the same goal I think. Some need to be told their addiction is also because they have an ie 50x higher genetic predisposition to the affliction in conjunction with terrible environmental challenges so they don't hate themselves. The self-hate can be a block to getting healthy when they are continually told it's all their fault. This is really Medicine 101 as there is no health without mental health first. So many medical conditions may appear to be self-inflicted, but we are not designed by nature to resist essential drives (hunger, sex, mood), and stress responses vary among individuals and cultures.

Others need "tough love" to realize they literally have a problem of their own making, certainly. Fine line between the worth of a kick in the pants versus a hug...Ultimately, everyone has to make good health choices.

But I assure you, genetic factors are also the basis of personality and not everyone is equally equipped to "boot strap it up" when faced with certain challenges.

We also have choices with some cancers and more data suggests we have more choices to make. We can choose HPV vaccination and eradicate Cervical Cancer. When we stop asbestos in our environment, we eliminate Mesothelioma etc. More and more research suggests environmental factors causing many human conditions/diseases. Environmental plastics anyone? They are being implicated in many disease processes like Alzheimer's and Atherosclerosis. Choices were made to do nothing about this issue whereas the Europeans acted decades ago in some cases.

Daniel Shivelywrote:

Could this statement be applied to virtually the entire spectrum of human behaviors? Is nature the unregulated expression of genetic susceptibility and nurture the training to suppress negative traits and elevate positive traits? 

DNA is nature and epigenetic influence is nurture. 

Epigenetic training can be overt and practiced, but also subtle and unnoticed. 

Yes, there is much evidence that your post is at least a significant part of the picture.

We also live in an Era where Natural Selection is not really working as we have babies before things like alcoholism have time to "select" the vulnerable.

Instead, we have an archaic toolbox that makes us ie want to eat all we can, a brain that craves stimulation (and sugar), and go be depressed and die young if we don't get daily exercise (like hunter gatherers got for millions of years). Don't have good mood from exercise and the Devil will find work for those idle hands...or supply it in a bottle or pill form.

All of these things are working together to make an obese, addicted to all kinds of things, society. Not the least of which are our politics that has both ends of the spectrum wanting to keep us hyped on fear.

John Tuttlewrote:

Yes, there is much evidence that your post is at least a significant part of the picture.

We also live in an Era where Natural Selection is not really working as we have babies before things like alcoholism have time to "select" the vulnerable.

Instead, we have an archaic toolbox that makes us ie want to eat all we can, a brain that craves stimulation (and sugar), and go be depressed and die young if we don't get daily exercise (like hunter gatherers got for millions of years). Don't have good mood from exercise and the Devil will find work for those idle hands...or supply it in a bottle or pill form.

All of these things are working together to make an obese, addicted to all kinds of things, society. Not the least of which are our politics that has both ends of the spectrum wanting to keep us hyped on fear.

Entropy exists, but humans can perceive a mitigating effect through effort, though at the end disintegration awaits us all. 

Daniel Patrick Smithwrote:

Tldr: OP likes Dick

https://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2016/02/03/speculative-diction