Finding climbing partners in 2025 is weird

Steve Mwrote:

Anecdotal, but had a pretty bad MP partner I climbed with who oversold their abilities and took me off belay on a multi. Everyone else has been a homie though. 

How'd they do that? 

I've definitely found some wonderful partners through Mountain project. And I've also found a lot of people who oversell their abilities.

The weaker you are, the harder it is to find partners. Interpret that however you'd like. I said, what I said. 

Diego Climberwrote:

Fritz you’re  wrong 

Your question was "is it like internet dating?" & gave a list of what looks like responses you've gotten over time. Fritz said "nope", & your response was "you're wrong"???

On the flip side, observe jabroni's & yukon's interaction. That's what a normal conversation looks like.

I don't know you from Adam but If you've been consistently getting weird responses, maybe check yourself & see if you're giving off weird vibes. 2 cents ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Not Not MP Adminwrote:

The weaker you are, the harder it is to find partners. Interpret that however you'd like. I said, what I said. 

Respectfully disagree. I don't know if I'd consider myself a "hard" climber but vibes are more important than grades. If you climb 4 number grades lower than me but we get along like a house on fire, you're gonna be on the top of my call list. On the other hand, if we're climbing the same grade or thereabouts but you're a creep or douchebag, I don't care if you're the best belayer in the world, your # will be deleted while we're at the crag.

I fully understand giving off weird vibes IRL (have done it many times cause I'm very tall with a strong personality :D) but I dunno what you'd have to do when messaging me to climb that I would find weird enough to flake on you. It's not like we're talking on tinder or something. If we meet IRL then yeah sure.

Chris Mwrote:

Diego I dunno if you're between 20 and 30 years old, but it's like pulling teeth trying to get people around my age to communicate clearly regarding plans, with very few exceptions. I don't really know what to make of it. This isn't just for climbers. 

I blame Facebook normalizing "maybe" as an acceptable RSVP response.

Jeremy your gaslighting people is not a noble act. It’s like saying someone was asking for it for a bad negative experience or worse . You’re giving off weird negative vibes. Jabroni and Yukon already knew each other in real life. That’s not attempting to meet off a bulletin board or Internet forum. Making plans and having the person flake. Or trying to make an appointment like you’re looking for time on the calendar of the top expert on earth. 

Chris Mwrote:

How'd they do that? 

Claimed they could lead 5.9 on gear on their partner finder post and then could barely follow 7/8. They also took me of belay without telling me. 

Last time I responded to a random Facebook ask was in ~2024,and on MP was maybe 2022, but I've had overall overwhelmingly positive experiences spanning decades, and made really good friends and repeat partners from those initial online connections.

Setting aside the possibility that you yourself are the common denominator in this ongoing problem, your issue might be that you are looking in the wrong places.

Gym (and the gym's online partner finder) is a horrible place to find outdoor partners these days. On the rare occasions that I venture into a rope gym these days, I look around, and I think that I would, MAYBE, RELUTANTLY, accept a TR belay from a third of the people I see around me. Forget about a lead belay, lol. You want an outdoor partner, look outdoors, not in the gym.

MP's partner finder is no different. 

But asking for a partner at a specific climbing location on a specific weekend, or responding to someone else's post along those lines, will get you much closer to a decent partner. And no, someone saying that they are "looking for a regular partner at such-and-such-place" are not the same. You are much better off responding to someone who already has a specific date/time in mind, climbing with them, and then making additional future plans, if you are feeling the vibe. Because people who are "looking for a regular partner" might have a long list of additional restrictions that they are vaguely leaving out of the initial post, but people who want to make firm plans for a specific date are already past a bunch of "maybe, someday" vagueness.

Diego Climberwrote:

Jeremy your gaslighting people is not a noble act. It’s like saying someone was asking for it for a bad negative experience or worse . You’re giving off weird negative vibes. Jabroni and Yukon already knew each other in real life. That’s not attempting to meet off a bulletin board or Internet forum. Making plans and having the person flake. Or trying to make an appointment like you’re looking for time on the calendar of the top expert on earth. 

I have never spoken to Jabroni before this thread, but I would absolutely climb w them based on the vibes. My advice to you (respectfully) is to stop casting so much negative energy out into the world. I have also struck out with MP randos before, but the longer you stick it out, the more friends you make, and then you get recommended partners from other people, etc. Be kind to others, bring snacks, lead the offwidth pitch, and you'll get climbing dates!

Just a reminder for everyone that we should always look to ourselves first, especially after having an abnormal amount of people responding the same way to your advances.

Things to consider: 

Do you look like a drug addict or do you look like somebody who’s never touched drugs in their life and would totally rat on you.

Are you hideously ugly or are you uncomfortably attractive?

Will you only climb 5.4 or will you only climb 5.14?

Do you only wear Jinco jeans while climbing or do you only wear Lycra with no underwear?

Are you insanely agreeable about everything or are you constantly arguing?

Are you militantly against music or do you bring your own boombox to the crag.

Do you consider other peoples opinions in an open and honest way or do you just respond “You’re wrong” (to someone like Fritz for example….completely random I know) 

…..is this an example of gaslighting? I’m sure you’ll let me know…..

Chris Mwrote:

Diego I dunno if you're between 20 and 30 years old, but it's like pulling teeth trying to get people around my age to communicate clearly regarding plans, with very few exceptions. I don't really know what to make of it. This isn't just for climbers. 

Immaturity, laziness, and normal 20-something narcissism.

Sincerely,

a former 20-something immature, lazy and narcissistic person.

Jeremy Lwrote:

Respectfully disagree. I don't know if I'd consider myself a "hard" climber but vibes are more important than grades. If you climb 4 number grades lower than me but we get along like a house on fire, you're gonna be on the top of my call list. On the other hand, if we're climbing the same grade or thereabouts but you're a creep or douchebag, I don't care if you're the best belayer in the world, your # will be deleted while we're at the crag.

You can disagree all you want, but climbers who climb at lower grades have fewer routes to try. This narrows down the search for partners for a variety of reasons (i.e. less people are likely to choose these individuals as they have less routes in common). That's just facts. Vibez are cool, but I can also vibe with my non-climber homies who aren't random 5.9 chuffers from the internets who may or may not know how to provide a safe, soft belay.

Diego Climberwrote:

“Females only”. No reason given. 

Do you think this is a problem?

F r i t zwrote:

Do you think this is a problem?

depends on who's asking?

identify as male asking for female only = big problem.

identify as female asking for female only = totally acceptable.

F r i t zwrote:

Do you think this is a problem?

John’s climbing priorities are “Are you hideously ugly or are you uncomfortably attractive?”

Todd, the problem is you attacking and demeaning someone who listed real anecdotes that boil down to climbers being weirdly eccentric and flakey. That’s before even meeting them face to face. They put their info on a message board seeking partners. I didn’t do that. Brodudes, I get your virtue signaling and viewing every male other than you as a deviant Quagmire predator type. That’s you projecting your energy vibe. You only climb with men right? If everyone on mountain project gaslights a stranger and doesn’t read the posts, jon Hartmann and Jared are the problem.

Alex Swrote:

depends on who's asking?

identify as male asking for female only = big problem.

identify as female asking for female only = totally acceptable.

I don't think anyone thought for even a second that we were talking about men asking for females only. This isn't the Dayton, Ohio Craigslist roommates page 

Diego Climberwrote:

I don’t discriminate based on age or gender or physical traits. Or vibe. I’ve climbed with some assholes Att are good climbers and great people that were unskilled and unsafe. My priorities are compatible schedule , compatible locations and safety. The guys spewing in this thread saying that the aura , politics, religion, vibe , flow, energy, star sign, ethos, pathos, personality , age, race, and chakras must be in complete alignment is looking for a life soul mate spouse, not a climbing partner. A male asking for a male partner only would be shunned from climbing. For some reason other exclusivity is applauded in climbing culture. 

I was on your team for a while in this thread but come on man. Nobody's applauding it, the reality is that a lot of men are opportunistic when it comes to the opposite sex, and if you're unaware of that as the reason for female only partner threads, then you must have been born yesterday or are just so bitter that you blame women for it.