Anti-Cross Loading Autolocking Carabiner?

I'm looking for a carabiner that feels a little niche, and am tired of perusing manufacturer's websites. Anybody know of a carabiner that fits my needs? Everything I've seen either do not deal well with jerking forces (using springs that will wear out), or require a tool to remove. I'd like something that I can twist all which ways for days and still not crossload, without needing a tool to remove them from my harness.

I'm not sure I'm understanding the problem you're trying to solve. Why do typical belay biners like the Grivel Clepsydra S (kinda sorta auto locking?) or Metolius Gatekeeper (comes in screwgate and auto lock) fall short of your requirements? 

I asked for the same, here. Was told to buy the DMM Ceros. Was not disappointed.

I like the Metolius Gatekeeper

J L wrote:

I asked for the same, here. Was told to buy the DMM Ceros. Was not disappointed.

Ceros! 

I’ll sell you my old, but still well working, BD Gridlock Magnetron for the right price   

I’m not sure I understand for what specific use you plan to use the carabiner. That could make a big difference on our recommendations. 

If it is for, say, belaying with a Grigri I have personally been very happy with the Petzl Freino. It took me a few sessions to get used to opening it and attaching it efficiently to my harness but now I have my habit pattern down. Advantages as I see them:

—Can’t cross load it.

—Has no springs or little wire gates (on the main part of the biner, anyway).

—The spur helps to add friction when belaying someone heavier or when rappelling a single line.

—The spur acts as a redirect point when belaying a second from above.

Disadvantages: Its expensive.

Warning: DO NOT get the Freino Z unless you need it for a specific and more specialized descent device that cavers and canyoneers would be familiar with. The Z version looks very similar to the regular Freino but is sort of a mirror image that won’t work with the Grigri. (Ask me how I learned this. Expensive mistake.)

I tried the DMM Ceros (which others seem to like), but I didn’t like the little wire gate and it quickly got sticky. That biner now sits at the bottom of my gear bin. But YMMV.

If your specific use has nothing to do with the Grigri, ignore my post. 

DMM Ceros

If you want something literally without "moving parts" then they're a pain to rack/unrack from a gear loop because the swinging bar doesn't close unless the gate is locked, but look at the DMM Belay Master, Mammut SmartHMS and such.  I know for a fact that DMM sells spare plastic gates for the Belay Master and suspect everyone else does the same.

Otherwise, the Ceros really is great.  On the "little clip inside" side of the house you've got three types.  Bar is integrated with the gate itself (see BD GridLock).  Then you've got wire gates that flip down (e.g. the Ceros).  And, you've got gates that flip UP (e.g. the Edelrid HMS FG Snap Hook).

It all depends on your use.  From what you said, and just taking a guess.  Look at the GridLock.  If you don't like that and can deal with the plastic flap, DMM Belay Master.  Then, DMM Ceros.

(Yes, I have too many carabiners)

I like the Beal Orient Express bi matic, it looks very similar to the DMM Ceros, and it is triple rated B H T. The little wire gate is still very strong on mine after 1.5 year (climbing and mountaineering in the snow). I'm expecting about another year of use before having to retire it due to the rope grooving the top part (reverso belay), I'll probably get another one unless I find sth better.

I think the petzl attache should be available in twist-lock with the new plastic cross bar but it is probably weaker than the wire gate of the ceros or orient express.

Summer P wrote:

Ceros! 

Agreed this carabiner is a masterpiece.

Another vote for the DMM Ceros. I prefer it over the metolius gatekeeper and Edelrid bulletproof

Cosmic Hotdog wrote:

Another vote for the DMM Ceros. I prefer it over the metloius gatekeeper and Edelrid bulletproof

What's it do better than the Gatekeeper?

Ricky Harline wrote:

What's it do better than the Gatekeeper?

Dude this is so dumb I know, but I just like how the Ceros looks and feels higher quality. With that said, I have both and have used both for TRS and regular belaying tons of times. Both function just fine

I'm with Ricky in not really understanding your issue. 

If you want peak robustness just get a malion, they're ridiculously strong and talks of cross loading are basically pointless because no matter how you load it you will realistically NEVER see forces high enough to deformed it let alone break it.

Ricky Harline wrote:

What's it do better than the Gatekeeper?

It's surprisingly satisfying to give the biner a tug and have the keeper bar click into place on your gear loop or belay loop. Looks like the gatekeeper does the same.

Grivel Clepsydra S

The new BD gridlock (possibly not available yet) is pretty slick - yes it has springs that will eventually wear out but they may have a screw gate option - I’ve used the auto locking version. Pretty much impossible to mis-align. 

This talk of springs wearing out is nonsense, I've seen the threads on screw lock biners wear out long before the gate stops working. Wire gates require more frequent maintenance but that's just a few drops of your lubricant of choice. 

Petzl omni semicircle carabiner