Salacious Sedans, Contrary Coupes, Jezebellian Jalopies -- Tales of Heroically Undergunned Cars in Places that They Ought Not Be

Let's hear some stories of domesticated automobiles biting off more than they can chew in the wild. Where has your little car gotten in over its headgasket on the way to a climb? Bonus points if it survived.

I'll start. 2016. En route to the King of Pain, my buddy's CRV broke through the ice that we had just watched an Outback drive across successfully. Simian see, simian do.

Heidi picked us up hitchhiking and sent one of her cowboys to tow us out. We were able to make it back to Durango. Next trip we brought her and her crew gift cards to their favorite watering hole.

I used to drive a 2006 Chevy Malibu hatchback named Sunny. That thing was an incredible car. Front wheel drive, no computers, tons of space, and it had a 6 cylinder engine so it could haul like no one’s business. Also it looked like a granny mobile so was not on anyone’s radar.  

One time I was driving through Colorado on my way to hike a 14er enchainment. The road to the parking lot was long, arduous, and most certainly needed 4wd. Well my little Malibu was up for the task. With some very careful thoughtful driving I was able to take the car up into the parking lot. To my amazement there were 4runners and Tacomas that didn’t even make it up to the parking lot. I had several people ask me, “how did you get that up here?!?” I responded, “getting up is easy, getting back is going to be the real challenge.”

I miss that car. In a sea of Tacos, 4Runners, Teslas, and Subarus it stood mighty. Not the most outdoorsy looking vehicle, but Sunny made it through all kinds of disasters and is still going strong with a family member. 

F r i t zwrote:

Let's hear some stories of domesticated automobiles biting off more than they can chew in the wild. Where has your little car gotten in over its headgasket on the way to a climb? Bonus points if it survived.

I'll start. 2016. En route to the King of Pain, my buddy's CRV broke through the ice that we had just watched an Outback drive across successfully. Simian see, simian do.

Heidi picked us up hitchhiking and sent one of her cowboys to tow us out. We were able to make it back to Durango. Next trip we brought her and her crew gift cards to their favorite watering hole.

Fritz, that's one of my all time favorite pics of yours, lol! 

But full disclosure here. I've personally seen at least one of your own vehicles, and what it looked like. Sans seats. Sans mirror. Less than less than pristine paint. Sans...... And know the stories of the demise of a couple modes of transport too! I.e. sans vehicle(s) entirely, including dismemberment of same.

You are a true dirtbag, sir, in fine form, even if you are in the process of demoting thy self up to trad dad some day.

My CRV has no real mishaps to report. Just hillbilly pinstripes from narrow "roads" and some shopping carts in parking lots encounters adding further defoliation. It's definitely been party to, and enabler for, quite a lot, though, with and for my climbing friends.

Best, H.

+1 just for the topic title.

I have nothing else to add.

I wish I still had the photo of the euros that brought a subcompact rental car (a little bigger than a smart car) down the motherlode hill and flipped it trying to drive out in muddy conditions.

For my part, I'm baffled every time I go to a backcountry New Mexico area, because there's, without fail, one of these 90s 2-seater SUV things about a mile past where anyone else is taking their car. No idea what they're called but they seem to handle those rough desert wash roads like no other. Makes a pretty good sales pitch!

We got an older sedan style Subaru Outback most of the way down Schnebly Hill Road in Sedona. Most of the time you'll only see Pink Jeeps, with their massive clearance and AWD, out that direction. Probably saved us 30-45 minutes on the approach that day.

Drove through an actively washing out fire access dirt road with 1/2 wheel depth deep running water (barely qualified as a road to begin with) during the craziest thunderstorm of the year in a little 5 speed manual Honda fit.  

This thread needs way more photos. Pics or it didn’t happen 

Not Not MP Adminwrote:

[text]

Matt Z wrote:

Yaris Matt used to drive back to all the remote walls in Indian Creek. Original Meat, Cliffs of Insanity, The Wall… As far as I can remember he never got stuck, cracked an oil pan, got a flat, etc. 

isn’t cracking an oil pan, getting stuck?  I did that on a VW Fox, and had a very long hike out to call a tow truck before seizing the engine. 

Climbing Weaselwrote:

 little 5 speed manual Honda fit.  

I knew I liked you for a good reason.

MattHwrote:

I wish I still had the photo of the euros that brought a subcompact rental car (a little bigger than a smart car) down the motherlode hill and flipped it trying to drive out in muddy conditions.

For my part, I'm baffled every time I go to a backcountry New Mexico area, because there's, without fail, one of these 90s 2-seater SUV things about a mile past where anyone else is taking their car. No idea what they're called but they seem to handle those rough desert wash roads like no other. Makes a pretty good sales pitch!

Those Trackers/Samurais are extremely capable. I kind of want one, but they are kind of terrifying on the interstate. 

F r i t zwrote:

I knew I liked you for a good reason.

Both weasels and goats are similarly tenacious and have an unfortunate habit of being on this site too much, it would seem. 

My daughter slide off a slick adobe road in her, actually my subaru  since she was only 16, and landed on a rock at a 44+degree angle that took 4 hours to recover and cost 700 dollars. Several years ago and only a mile from the house.

Kevinmurraywrote:

 slick adobe 

I used to live on an adobe road in Montrose, CO.  I quickly learned that on rain days, the bike commute would require a quarter mile of hikeabike; pedal at your own peril.

Speaking of mud, here's my little five-speed doing some aid-driving at a popular limestone area after a torrential downpour.

F r i t zwrote:

I knew I liked you for a good reason.

Ah yes! One of the gotemobiles alluded to in me earlier post!

Please note the absent mirror, and the headbutted by a gote (bison?) dent. Okay, don't remember just what that one was, but gote, very angry gote with a good head of steam, seems appropriate.

Also the very impressive array of equipment, everything for camping and climbing, all of which goes into the Fit. For months. Usually with at least one guitar (I can vouch for 3 guitars going in there one time) and a mountain bike (2, yes 2, one time). And Fritzy sleeps inside, and, still has had a passenger and some stuff for them. With the above stuff.*

Me, I just get all the camping and climbing stuff for 2 people, plus a huge amount of extras for group camps of MPers, into my CRV. Tables, chairs, big cooking setup, shade canopies, extra tents, bags, etc, 3 ropes, probably close to 4 racks, lol! And me, and the rope gun, of course. Without an outside rack and without blocking off windows. I've gotten good at it, thanks to the old people who wanna go to COR twice a year and other miscellaneous MP riffraff. Sheesh. 

Best, Helen

*Oh! And a terrific little doggo, too, at least once!!

F r i t zwrote:

I used to live on an adobe road in Montrose, CO.  I quickly learned that on rain days, the bike commute would require a quarter mile of hikeabike; pedal at your own peril.

Speaking of mud, here's my little five-speed doing some aid-driving at a popular limestone area after a torrential downpour.

It had been raining and snowing the night before and she knew that a single raindrop turns adobe into gumbo real quick but went out on one of the canal roads anyway and that's when I got the phone call for halp. Tha tow truck driver looked at it and said " I'm going to need more equipment."

As someone more used to the dry granite gravel of the Sierra, and the brown organic loam of the PNW and New England, I can't say I'm familiar with the concept of an adobe road. What's the deal with those? Are we just talking red clay?

I hereby nominate this thread and its creator for inclusion in best MP threads of the year.

Thanks Fritz. 

Oh I've got two of these!

1) Good old Subie had 60k miles on the tires and I was planning to replace them that week. Instead I saw a bluebird day and went up Hyalite alone. Two minutes before the parking lot, another car is coming down, so I move a foot closer to the side of the road. As soon as I slowed down, the car slid directly sideways and luckily got hung up on a tree. Some friends in a serious truck stopped and tried to tow me out to no avail. I eventually caught a ride out and convinced a tow truck to go up Hyalite at night. Every couple minutes as snow fell, the driver would stop lecturing me on Trumpism and say he's not sure about this, then I'd gently poke the bear and he'd go back to ranting. Finally, we made it, he pulled me out, and I thanked him profusely. The one little dent I got from hitting the tree, I didn't even fix. Subie is still doing dumb shit to this day.

Lesson learned: Replace your tires and stand your ground on icy roads

2) The one I don't have pictures of a friend and I tried to rally into South Mineral Creek with a foot of snow on the road in my '04 XC90. Halfway in we're considering calling it and the AWD goes out; just literally dies. We spent hours digging trenches to make a turnaround, but it worked. Drove out and went straight back to Ouray to the hot springs.

Lesson learned: Maybe I need to stop rallying these vehicles up winter roads on worn all-seasons...

EDIT: Wait, no, I have three lol

3) As a baby (read gumby) climber, I rented a Smart car to drive from Madrid to the Pyrenees for a solo winter backpacking trip. I still remember getting passed on every steep hill as this tiny car threatened to give up and take a siesta.