Dads who Climb or...is it Climbers who Dad?

Hello friends! 

I am a Front Range climber who has recently stepped into a very exciting but different role in my life. I am a new dad, and while it is intoxicating and beautiful and sublime all rolled into one, I am missing the vertical world a bit. I have lived in Boulder for around 6 years and have a bevy of part-time partners, but what I am really seeking here is someone to climb with who understands how to balance the new demands of being a dad while maintaining their personal passions and pursuits. I have found that parents who climb are reliable, communicative, and collaborative. I guess what I am really looking for is a consistent partner for some weekday afternoon romps in Eldo, CCC, St. Vrain, Bocan, Table Mtn, etc. and someone who will be able to get out occasionally for some larger objectives (the Park, Lumpy.....who knows....maybe the Winds or the Bugaboos if we hit it off). For the next two months I am on paternity leave from my job, with occasional afternoons free, and then starting in late June, our little nugget will be in daycare most days, so I will begin to have much more available time. I have been climbing for around 20 years, and I love it just as much if not more than the day I started. So, PM me if you'd like to get out. 

Be a DAD… 

Then be a climber

Get it…got it…good!

Not saying you were not going too

Build a woody, get strong, crush when you get time

So, you are taking paternity leave to go climb whenever the opportunity exists? If you're on paternity leave, it's so you can be with your baby and not to get out when you're free. 

Soon as mine were born, I no longer was a climber. First and foremost I am a dad, who climbs a ton.

Hey, yay for guys taking paternity leave at all! It's only recently that leave existed even for those who give birth, and I am very glad to have dads getting leave also!

The parents who climb threads are abundant on here. Lots of ways to make it work, and, there are certainly people like me out there who are willing to be a third person with mom, dad, and kiddo at the crag. 

The tough part to balance out?

When you have longer trips, bigger objectives, working that out with whoever is the stay at home person. Plus, the very personal decision to think through the risks involved with the passions, and come to terms with that.

Have fun! Being a first time parent is not anything you are remotely prepared for, no matter what your ignorant arrogant pre baby self thinks now , and will blow your socks off! 

And congrats, too!

Helen

welcome to the club! just remember to familiarize yourself with the following CO trad dad guidelines and you'll be fine...

1. we don't climb over 5.9...ever...
2. you should be able to change a diaper faster than tying in
3. the command "TAKE!" is now followed by, "...that out of your mouth!"
4. no need to set your alarm for an alpine start...you'll be awake anyway
5. kids are rad, have fun

bryans wrote:Father of 3 here. Kids between 12 and 16 now. An alternate and less judgy take is that you really can both keep climbing and be a great parent, they are not mutually exclusive. There is no prize for virtuously signaling your willingness to give up you your passion and fire to conform to a stranger's judgments. And no, I am not divorced, and 2 of my 3 kids love climbing both inside and outside with me and (I think) are proud of their dad for staying fit and caring about a hobby that doesn't take place on a couch or in a bar (not that I'm anti-couch or bar!)

I didn't think I was "judgy" in my reply. Just truthful. And imnho... dad comes way before climber.  BTW, my twins both love climbing, skiing, fly fishing, gymnastics, baseball, surfing, umm... and straight A high school students... and I too am not divorced, (but not sure why that was brought up)

Did you think I was being virtuous for giving up my passion? What I said was...

First and foremost I am a dad, who climbs a ton.

When I say a ton, I ain't exaggerating. But by golly, dad is the priority... 

And happily, my kids don't think indoor climbing is cool...

x15x15wrote:

...And happily, my kids don't think indoor climbing is cool...

...yes, you are "judgy". ;)

I’m glad I came across this post. My wife is due with our first in 4 weeks and we haven’t had this conversation yet. I am now cleared to climb 1-2 days a week during my paternity leave. I got it in writing, like a doctor’s note.

bryans wrote:

An alternate and less judgy take is that you really can both keep climbing and be a great parent, they are not mutually exclusive. There is no prize for virtuously signaling your willingness to give up your passion and fire to conform to a stranger's judgment

Amen to that. I m a new dad as well (7 months old) and here parternity leave is 4 weeks.
I took 2 when he was born and 2 others last february, the 3 of us went on a 10 days road trip and I left my wife and son with some family for 5 days and went climbing with friends in Cogne.
You can definitely do both, at the beginning maybe not as before, but it's possible to still be a climber AND a dad. 

For anyone who is questioning that it’s possible to be both, all I can say is look up “Jim Herson“, if you don’t already know who he is.

Jim didn’t limit himself to 5.9. His kids are pretty good climbers and well rounded humans, too. YMMV.

I'll just file this thread away in the "more evidence climbers are selfish" folder.

Todd Berlier wrote:

this! lol with "pretty good." try really awesome.

Todd, my comment was clearly “tongue in cheek“. The Hersons are an exemplary example of climbers who brought up two outstanding kids, who also turned out to be outstanding climbers.

It’s kind of incredible how levelheaded Connor Herson is. If you haven’t listened to it and have the time, check out the interview with him here after he climbed Empath (on gear).

https://runoutpodcast.com/index.php/2022/07/20/runout-84-connor-herson-returns/

Connor talks about how climbing is a “hobby“ for him and he values a lot of other things in life, especially “learning“. He could easily become a pro climber, but is going to Stanford instead.

I am 2 weeks into my 6 weeks of paternity leave with my first. I started climbing less frequently when I started dating my now-wife, even less frequently when we got married, less frequently when we decided to have a baby, and will probably climb even less frequently for a while now that we have a baby.

Aside from the obvious increase in responsibilities and risk aversion, the opportunity cost is just much higher. When I was single and sad, I wasn’t giving up much to go climbing. Now that I am married and find more joy in my every day life at home, climbing is relatively less appealing.

I still love to climb and hope to get out once or twice a month. If taking care of baby becomes manageable enough, I’ll probably take a day here and there to climb while on leave; being there for my family is top priority, but I doubt being away for a few hours once in a while will hamper my bonding time.

All that said, I have always and will always browse MP all day. 

Absolutely can do both. Although, I personally found time to be the limiting factor. ( I discovered climbing when my kid was 4 and I was divorced, so not alot of full days out at first.). I progressed extremely and sometimes painfully slowly.  Now that my kid is grown, I still kind of suck at climbing, but I have alot more time to demonstrate my poor technique on the rock! Crag babies are waaaaay cooler than dogs too as they dont raid my bag for snacks - just their parent's. But as you can tell by some of the bitter responses, finding life balance is really important for overall happiness. 

Embrace bouldering. Not only is it the most family-friendly version of rock climbing, it’s one of the most family-friendly outdoor activities. Rock fall isn’t a concern. Flat landings are prized. Approaches are generally short. You even have fun play mats in tow. One parent climbs while the other plays and wrangles, and then you switch. Asking randos to belay you is weird, but people will happily spot whoever is over the pads.

My wife and I used to log around 120 days a year on real rock. We prioritized long trad climbs. Last year with a one-year-old we still got close to 60 days, but that wouldnt have been possible without bouldering (sometimes sport climbing) close to home. Long routes take a long time, and I’m not willing to spend tons of long days away from my family. I’m also not willing to be one of those dads who gets to recreate while the rest of the family gets left behind. (Not saying that’s what you’re going to do, but it’s definitely a thing in the world of outdoor sports.) 

ubuwrote:

I'll just file this thread away in the "more evidence climbers are selfish" folder.

Do you have kids???? 

If not, we know precisely where to file this comment. 

Creed Archibaldwrote:

Embrace bouldering. Not only is it the most family-friendly version of rock climbing, it’s one of the most family-friendly outdoor activities. Rock fall isn’t a concern. Flat landings are prized. Approaches are generally short. You even have fun play mats in tow. One parent climbs while the other plays and wrangles, and then you switch. Asking randos to belay you is weird, but people will happily spot whoever is over the pads.

My wife and I used to log around 120 days a year on real rock. We prioritized long trad climbs. Last year with a one-year-old we still got close to 60 days, but that wouldnt have been possible without bouldering (sometimes sport climbing) close to home. Long routes take a long time, and I’m not willing to spend tons of long days away from my family. I’m also not willing to be one of those dads who gets to recreate while the rest of the family gets left behind. (Not saying that’s what you’re going to do, but it’s definitely a thing in the world of outdoor sports.) 

I second this notion. I used to climb ropes with a regular partner every weekend and at the gym during the week. Now with a kiddo my moments to go climbing are fleeting and usually last-minute. In the last year I’ve embraced bouldering so I can either bring the family along or head to the gym without a partner.   

To the about to be new dads on here, babies are very portable. And, easily kept in captivity. It's only once they get mobile that you literally are chasing after them and trying to halt whatever dumb thing they are about to do.

But?

As time goes by, more and more, your job becomes enabling their interest in dumb things to do, and you may even discover the same dumb things appeal to both of you.

Eventually?

They will go through this with their own little badasses that are hell bent for leather to give them heart attacks with their own dumb ideas.

Until the same badasses make dad's heart break with pride.

Enjoy the ride boys. 

Nothing, absolutely nothing, will ever be the same.

H.

I expect nothing less from Boulder Colo!

Old lady Hwrote:

Do you have kids???? 

If not, we know precisely where to file this comment. 

Yes, I have 2 kids, but you don't need to have kids to understand that when you become a parent, your priorities need to undergo a radical revision. The idea of taking paternity leave to go off on a climbing trip, instead of being with your new child and supporting your spouse, is incredibly selfish.