<3 Missed Connection - 5.12 Offwidth Babe on Fine Jade

You: Blue windshell, blonde hair, styling p1 of Fine Jade in gale-force winds with Nicole on Easter Saturday as my two friends were queued up, spoke ardently of your love of 5.12 offwidths in the Voo.

Me: Blue Loki puffy, emo glasses, chastity beard, gave you both doughnuts in the parking lot that morning, left PBR's on your packs in gratitude for you returning their UL #2 on a Hoodwire and C4 #4 on a Photon marked with orange fingernail polish, as you agreed with my friends when they let you pass. 

In the passionate maelstrom of desert winds that day, I believe those cams may not have been reunited with their owners. Two working-class boys from Oklahoma who scrimped and saved for months to buy a plane ticket to Moab, fueled by dreams of desert tower glory.

Like the proverbial beloved lamb spoken of by the prophet Nathan to King David in the wake of his indiscretion with Bathsheba, those cams were the pride and joy of my friends.

I understand that to a sponsored climber such as yourseld, climbing gear might only be a coworker. But to these young weekend warriors, each piece of retail-purchased, non-pro-dealt, lovingly fondled anodized aluminum was a friend.

Well, actually, a Camalot, but hopefully you catch my drift.

I know in my heart of hearts that my deepfelt feelings for you will never be requited -- I climb 5.9 and you're way out of my league. Nevertheless, it is my hope that you will bestow upon me a modest token of our star-crossed encounter by returning those two cams to Grahm and John.

Here is a photo I took of you (Shawna?) and your partner Nicole that day.

Your shit got ganked bro 

Heard the story from my good friend who was there...this female sounds mega lame in a number of ways....she confirmed how crumby she was first by flexing game, Then struggling on a (FJ) 5.10 crux only to bail cuz of "high winds" then ran over to an easier climb (NC)that had the same winds... Apparently she was bragging about gear she claimed as "booty" left by noobs, but it was gear from the climb she "took over"(FJ).

(Gear which she also used on FJ and verbally promised to return)

 super weird....wasn't there tho but certain I can trust the story from my very close friend...Just a reminder, some people just suck...all we can do is try not to be one of them...Stop Making Desert Climbers Look Bad And Give The Gear Back...also not cool to rep your area (Voo) then leave an impression like that

This is why Solomon will be King.

I'm guessing the perp was white.... pffft.... white people, always pulling some shit.

How exactly did she end up with their cams after bailing off p1 of fine jade?

W Kwrote:

How exactly did she end up with their cams after bailing off p1 of fine jade?

Per my friends, they were the first people up there and hopped on right away. Leader was hanging at the p1 crux bulge. The lady in question came up, announced her competence asked if they could climb through. My friend lowered off two cams, confirmed that the ladies would leave those pieces in the wall for them for their second go, and they went back to the ridge to wait and get shelter from the wind.

At that point, I hiked up and saw Shawna (?)'s partner Nicole hanging at the bulge. She lowered, and as Shawna tied in to yo-yo the pitch. She whipped on the crux, then climbed through. I got bored and walked over to leave a couple PBR's for the righteous dudes on Honeymoon Chimney, and talk to my non-beer-drinking acquaintances cragging p1 of Jesus Saves.

I walked back over and the ladies were on the ground, drinking the PBR's I had left on their packs (I was playing CV Beer Fairy that day). We had a nice discussion, as noted in my original post, and I thanked them for (what I assumed to be) returning my friends' #2 and #4.

My friends then went over and had a great time on Kor-Ingalls, despite ferocious winds. Before starting the route, they noticed that their two cams were not on the sling, and figured they would get them back at the campground that night. I stuck around to take photos and hand out PBR's to the two brave souls on Ivory Tower, then hiked down without seeing the ladies.

There was no sign of them in the campground, no note on the board, no note on my car (which the ladies had seen when I was passing out doughnuts that morning).

There's more to the story that transpired after I dropped Grahm and John off at the airport and returned to CV, but I should probably finish this A&P2 assignment before blathering on any further.

To be clear, I'm not accusing Shawna and her friend of "ganking" the cams. It's quite possible they didn't realize they had them in their pack until they were back in Moab or wherever. Thus my post here, which I endeavored to make more entertaining to read by couching it as a Craigslist Missed Connections ad, the style and syntax of which you probably should not inquire as to my familiarity.

I believe that I have delineated Part 1 of this saga in such a transparent fashion that not even Marc801 C could be affronted.

I see. Hope they get their stuff back

RUDE, I AM SO OFFENDED. I keep asking the goats if they have seen fritz. I even offer my urine to them in a trade. All I had to do this who time was loose/or steal a cam?

Definitely subbing to keep tabs on the epic saga of the #2 and #4!

As much as things change, they stay the same.

That’s some funny but articulate writing there Fritz.  Not so funny is that I can totally relate to the whole episode.  How about this; if the two working class boyz from Okie don’t get their Cams back, I’ll buy them a couple of replacements.

RKMwrote:

That’s some funny but articulate writing there Fritz.  Not so funny is that I can totally relate to the whole episode.  How about this; if the two working class boyz from Okie don’t get their Cams back, I’ll buy them a couple of replacements.

I’ll pitch in 

RKMwrote:

That’s some funny but articulate writing there Fritz.  Not so funny is that I can totally relate to the whole episode.  How about this; if the two working class boyz from Okie don’t get their Cams back, I’ll buy them a couple of replacements.

That's really kind of you, Kim and Hi. Grahm and John posted over to Moab Climbers on FB to see if there's any word. Hopefully your generosity won't be necessary because this is all a misunderstanding.

At the same time, Part 2 of the story is that after dropping the guys off at the Moab airport, I returned to CV and ran into some climbers I had talked to that day. They were memorable not only for being cool people, but also because they were the only people that day to politely decline a PBR.

They said "Hey, aren't your friends missing cams? We were climbing NF when these two women rapped down after climbing NC. One of them was bragging to us how they bootied an ultralight #2 and #4 off Fine Jade. She was kind of bragging about it."

This climber knew the story from when I was talking to them at the base of Ministry, and asked if they were supposed to return those pieces. They immediately continued rapping.

Anyway, I'm headed out to an undisclosed climbing area out of service for the next couple of days, so we'll see if Shawna Snyder and Nicole come forward. 

F r i t zwrote:

That's really kind of you, Kim and Hi. Grahm and John posted over to Moab Climbers on FB to see if there's any word. Hopefully your generosity won't be necessary because this is all a misunderstanding.

At the same time, Part 2 of the story is that after dropping the guys off at the Moab airport, I returned to CV and ran into some climbers I had talked to that day. They were memorable not only for being cool people, but also because they were the only people that day to politely decline a PBR.

They said "Hey, aren't your friends missing cams? We were climbing NF when these two women rapped down after climbing NC. One of them was bragging to us how they bootied an ultralight #2 and #4 off Fine Jade. She was kind of bragging about it."

This climber knew the story from when I was talking to them at the base of Ministry, and asked if they were supposed to return those pieces. They immediately continued rapping.

Anyway, I'm headed out to an undisclosed climbing area out of service for the next couple of days, so we'll see if Shawna Snyder and Nicole come forward. 

I don't think this slanderous story posted on the internet #cancelculture, will compel them to appear.

But more importantly, what kind of a sick person declines a PBR!

Charles - you should delete that post unless you know this is the person.  I like ripping on posers and wankers too, but women are a “protected class” in this sport and I do recall video of this woman climbing a few legit hard OW climbs - so what if they are spraying about it?

If they’re thieves and there were witnesses, though, that’s a very different thing.

+1 - I would donate to a GoFundMe to replace these cams.

James,  I think you are right, especially given the turn this thread has taken. My intention wasn’t to paint her as either a poser or thief (and she struck me as genuine, just boisterous; also, she actually sent the route that day, unlike me). I actually thought she might be the climber in question because most people don’t just walk up and tell you how good they are at offwidths, unsolicited. It was sort of obnoxious and endearing at the same time.

Edit—to the climber I referenced, if you read/are reading this, I apologize for bringing your name into this.

Thanks for deleting that - but I think you know - the first rule of OW Club - is to tell everyone you’re in OW Club!

Charles Vernonwrote:

James,  I think you are right, especially given the turn this thread has taken. My intention wasn’t to paint her as either a poser or thief (and she struck me as genuine, just boisterous; also, she actually sent the route that day, unlike me). I actually thought she might be the climber in question because most people don’t just walk up and tell you how good they are at offwidths, unsolicited. It was sort of obnoxious and endearing at the same time.

Edit—to the climber I referenced, if you read/are reading this, I apologize for bringing your name into this.

Wow - this same exact thing has happened to me. A sponsored climber sprayed me down at Vedauwoo out of nowhere. Would not shut up about her tick list and offwidths to climb. I thought she was high or something. It was like talking to a 5 year old who likes dinosaurs. I then watched her walk over to take a shit in some makeshift toilet they dug up from the ground because they didn't want to walk 1000 ft to an actual toilet. Which was surprising since I had bitched to her about 'who the fuck dug up a toilet when there is one 1000 ft away'. Bold! Just for posterity's sake, I didn't actually watch. She walked away from her spraydown and squatted over the huge hole they dug, and that's when my girlfriend and I walked away. 

Ryan Never climbs wrote:

i’ll never understand the OW craze, i mean your on top rope most of the climb anyway

If you can’t actually climb hard but want to talk about climbing hard.

Charles Vernonwrote:

"you are right..." "I apologize..."

I thought I was on MP forums. This is not the place for this kind of language.