A Romantic Tradgedy/Comedy - For Sale - Engagement Ring and Wedding Band

Michael Prevwrote:

If it's worth anything - Marriage is for raising children. Anyone who tells you else wise doesn't know what they're talking about. The only reason to make a permanent agreement to be in a partners life is when children will be a factor in the near future - Otherwise it makes no sense to sacrifice your personal freedoms and potentially wreck your finances.

If you're interested in marrying, find a woman who wants to be a mother more than anything. Once those talks start coming up about kids, make the move towards engagement. Until then, avoid marriage and commitments that will needlessly add restrictions to your life that are unnecessary and can result in huge financial or legal setbacks.

Other then that - It seems you're doing the whole dating thing right and I don't see any reason for a major shift in your lifestyle.

I don't know this poster or his life, but this sounds a lot like how a sociopath thinks - that other people are only valuable insofar as they are materially useful to you. Don't think like this, kids.

Children aside, consider what it's like to have someone you share history with long-term, who knows you and accepts you and stands by you, someone you can rely on when you're in need, someone you can share joy and quiet moments with, someone who makes you laugh and listens to you, someone who teaches you to think about things differently than you are naturally inclined to, and with whom you can split both the heavy burdens and endless boring chores of life. If that idea holds no merit for you, you might want to see a therapist. 

Dude just pawn them, it’ll feel good just picture yourself in a dark comedy.

Edit: My wife and I bought our rings from a street vendor in SF for around 80 bucks. 

L Kapwrote:

I don't know this poster or his life, but this sounds a lot like how a sociopath thinks - that other people are only valuable insofar as they are materially useful to you. Don't think like this, kids.

Children aside, consider what it's like to have someone you share history with long-term, who knows you and accepts you and stands by you, someone you can rely on when you're in need, someone you can share joy and quiet moments with, someone who makes you laugh and listens to you, someone who teaches you to think about things differently than you are naturally inclined to, and with whom you can split both the heavy burdens and endless boring chores of life. If that idea holds no merit for you, you might want to see a therapist. 

This would make sense if it required marriage for someone to be of value to you, bring you joy, or be genuinely cared for by you - But it does not. You can live a long life with a partner and never marry. There is no need for a contractual obligation between two lovers in the modern era. The point of the promise of marriage was always for children - To make sure the mother would be given the promise of companionship in raising the children if she were to be with a man. More recently, post 1960s/contraception this is no longer seen as a pre-condition for serious relationships. To this day, marriage ensures alimony for mothers, a division of assets, and eases complications that could come up with child support. 

Don't confuse it - I love my wife. I love children. I'm a huge advocate for marriage (And for the importance of children and family when it comes to lifelong fulfillment) 

But know what you're doing it for and try to be pragmatic to some degree in your relationships. This young man almost made a huge mistake, and I gave him earnest advice that would surely serve him as it has many (And some reaching the conclusion too late).

I was a dirt bag when my wife and I got engaged.  Two kids and two decades later she still wears the shitty rings I got her with pride….  I think I spent $400-450 total, which was a lot for me at the time….  The jeweler cut me a deal because my father had saved his kid’s life years earlier and I was pretty open about how poor I was…..

 I digress….  I don’t really have any interest in the engagement stone but would def be interested in the Teton band.  I have a ton of stuff but sized things (bikes, shoes, etc) won’t work because I am size 12/13 shoe and too tall for bike swaps.  Don’t have any climbing gear I am too psyched on parting with….   need to check my wife’s ring size though.  Any way send me a DM.  Maybe you could find someone to buy the engagement ring separately?

Michael Prevwrote:

This would make sense if it required marriage for someone to be of value to you, bring you joy, or be genuinely cared for by you - But it does not. You can live a long life with a partner and never marry. There is no need for a contractual obligation between two lovers in the modern era. The point of the promise of marriage was always for children - To make sure the mother would be given the promise of companionship in raising the children if she were to be with a man. More recently, post 1960s/contraception this is no longer seen as a pre-condition for serious relationships. To this day, marriage ensures alimony for mothers, a division of assets, and eases complications that could come up with child support. 

Don't confuse it - I love my wife. I love children. I'm a huge advocate for marriage (And for the importance of children and family when it comes to lifelong fulfillment) 

But know what you're doing it for and try to be pragmatic to some degree in your relationships. This young man almost made a huge mistake, and I gave him earnest advice that would surely serve him as it has many (And some reaching the conclusion too late).

I was responding to this, quoted from in your previous post "The only reason to make a permanent agreement to be in a partners life is when children will be a factor in the near future - Otherwise it makes no sense to sacrifice your personal freedoms and potentially wreck your finances."

I agree that a contractual agreement is not a prerequisite for meaningful commitment, but marriage is the easiest way in this society to protect your partner's legal rights (e.g., to make medical decisions for each other, to access partner benefits in life and death, to inherit). The idea that marriage is a way for a woman to secure the finances and take away the freedoms of a man who agrees to provide for her and their children is breath-takingly retrograde and sexist in more ways than I have time to ennumerate.