Women and climbing partners

This is a very interesting topic. I've had an equal amount of women and men as my belay partners and men are usually the ones climbing at the same level as me. I do find that with my girlfriends I'm the one that pushes everyone to try things. Before quarantine we had a small group of girls that would climb together Friday nights at the gym. We all are different levels but it still is amazing to have this kind of support.
Maybe we should organize a women's expedition?! I'm feeling a bit like a couch potato at the moment but want to have a positive outlook into the future:)

How's everyone feeling after the quarantine?

This is very interesting and I have been discussing this exact topic with a lot of friends. I have that "problem" too. I would love to have more female climbing partners due to several reasons but it is very difficult to find them. Also this "group" thing is interesting. When I was younger I went on some trips being the only girl surrounded by boys.

One thing I survey with all mountain sports is that there are either pairs or groups of men. groups of women are rare! On one climbing trip I met two men climbing the whole day making the most of it. because they said that was their "men's holiday" together. and after that follows the "family holiday" with their partners and kids on the beach. and I thought: where is the "women's holiday"? But most women I know would then argue they go to a spa with their friends. That's their holiday together. not my style.

I am not a good climber. I really appreciated the guys looking out for me and helping me. But I also loved being with my girl group that I once had for a short period of time. 

I have talked to some girls and women about their hobbies.... most of them consider going for a walk, reading and drinking coffee with friends as their hobbies. esp. if they have kids. 

Concerning quarantine: it's already been lifted here since some months so I am back to the wall already. I live in a small village and have the key to the very small climbing gym here. When I go there I'm alone most of the time ;)

Ma Nuwrote:

This is very interesting and I have been discussing this exact topic with a lot of friends. I have that "problem" too. I would love to have more female climbing partners due to several reasons but it is very difficult to find them. Also this "group" thing is interesting. When I was younger I went on some trips being the only girl surrounded by boys.

One thing I survey with all mountain sports is that there are either pairs or groups of men. groups of women are rare! On one climbing trip I met two men climbing the whole day making the most of it. because they said that was their "men's holiday" together. and after that follows the "family holiday" with their partners and kids on the beach. and I thought: where is the "women's holiday"? But most women I know would then argue they go to a spa with their friends. That's their holiday together. not my style.

I am not a good climber. I really appreciated the guys looking out for me and helping me. But I also loved being with my girl group that I once had for a short period of time. 

I have talked to some girls and women about their hobbies.... most of them consider going for a walk, reading and drinking coffee with friends as their hobbies. esp. if they have kids. 

Concerning quarantine: it's already been lifted here since some months so I am back to the wall already. I live in a small village and have the key to the very small climbing gym here. When I go there I'm alone most of the time ;)

Take hope, there are other women like you out there.  Living in a small village might make them harder to find, just because you are sourcing from a smaller population, but if you venture out on some solo trips, it might make it easier to meet other adventure ladies.  

I take a couple of vacations (between 2 and 3) a year without my husband and kids.  Sometimes, it's on my own (I love solo trips!).  Sometimes it's with one or more of my best friends.  In particular, my best friend and I try to take at least one trip a year, even though we now live on opposite coasts.  My husband does the same, takes a couple of trips a year with friends.  

All else failing, you might have to lean on your "less resistant" friends and try to find an adventure partner among them.  My adventure bestie and I have done some really fun trips to places like Wyoming, Alaska, Red Rock, and Washington.  Even though COVID-19 is really screwing up my 2020, knowing there are more girls' trips ahead is keeping me sane (and planning).  Keep trying.  You will eventually find someone who works out.

Yula Movchanwrote:How's everyone feeling after the quarantine?

...guess I’ll have to let you know?

Alicia Sokolowskiwrote:

Take hope, there are other women like you out there.  Living in a small village might make them harder to find, just because you are sourcing from a smaller population, but if you venture out on some solo trips, it might make it easier to meet other adventure ladies.  

I take a couple of vacations (between 2 and 3) a year without my husband and kids.  Sometimes, it's on my own (I love solo trips!).  Sometimes it's with one or more of my best friends.  In particular, my best friend and I try to take at least one trip a year, even though we now live on opposite coasts.  My husband does the same, takes a couple of trips a year with friends.  

All else failing, you might have to lean on your "less resistant" friends and try to find an adventure partner among them.  My adventure bestie and I have done some really fun trips to places like Wyoming, Alaska, Red Rock, and Washington.  Even though COVID-19 is really screwing up my 2020, knowing there are more girls' trips ahead is keeping me sane (and planning).  Keep trying.  You will eventually find someone who works out.

Thanks for your words! :)

That sounds very good! I don't know women who plan more than maybe a couple of days for a trip without children.... Your approach sounds good to me :) I for example tried several times getting some girls together for a trip, but it's always "I'll go on a trip with my partner" answer. well.... honestly... that's what I miss most ;) I'm a happy single but vacation was much easier with a partner. 

that's what I found so interesting: for guys that seems to not change that much. they go with their buddies too. but the girls... they go with their partner or not at all... you are an exception. 

I had planned a trip with a girlie friend of mine in March. But we know how that ended :P
And now she's found herself a consistent climbing partner ans is out with him every weekend (we live about 2 hrs apart). Well... I don't blame her... would do the same or similar if I'd found someone who is as eager to climb. :)

Hope I'll find somebody soon (moved here just some months ago, so there is still hope ;))

Ma Nuwrote:

That sounds very good! I don't know women who plan more than maybe a couple of days for a trip without children.... Your approach sounds good to me :) I for example tried several times getting some girls together for a trip, but it's always "I'll go on a trip with my partner" answer. well.... honestly... that's what I miss most ;) I'm a happy single but vacation was much easier with a partner. 

that's what I found so interesting: for guys that seems to not change that much. they go with their buddies too. but the girls... they go with their partner or not at all... you are an exception. 

I also see a lot of women falling into this same pattern.  Part of it is the toxic vacation situation in America.  I mean, if you only have 2 weeks vacation, it's hard not to spend it with your partner/family.  I have always looked for jobs that prioritize time off.  Usually it comes with a significantly lower paycheck, but that's a trade I am willing to make.  

This is all just my opinion, but I think there is also a lot of discouragement from society in general for women to travel alone or in small, all-female groups.  I personally love being on my own, and I try to take one solo trip every year.  I constantly hear about all the horrible things that will probably happen to me car camping or tent camping solo.  I get regaled with all kinds of Lifetime TV worthy horror stories about what happened to their "friend from college" or their "brother's ex-girlfriend."  Honestly, all those stories used to scare the crap out of me when it was time to go to sleep at night.  It took several trips with no incident for me to get more confident about traveling solo.  I know something can happen, but I don't fixate on it anymore.  I think this would be a big barrier to overcome for most people.

I have never thought about that but.... 2 weeks ? Really? Glad I don't live there!

Well... I don't want to travel alone but in summer I have my car prepared for sleeping in it and have the sleeping bag ready. and it depends where you travel alone I guess.
I am more a group person in holidays and alone in my home days. when I studied it was of course easier. We were all younger, no family, no kids.... 

But even with kids, as you say, it is possible. Unfortunately I know too may women staying at home, whereas the men living their lifes basically like before. Maybe one has to be a strong woman. I knew such girls. but somehow it got more and more difficult. and as soon as they get themself a dog next to the children, it is even more complicated :D

Em Coswrote:

...guess I’ll have to let you know?

I hear what you’re saying:/hopefully it’ll get better soon. You still are not climbing?

I have a partner who doesn’t want to hear anything about climbing. So sometimes that doesn’t work either.

Yula Movchanwrote:

I hear what you’re saying:/hopefully it’ll get better soon. You still are not climbing?

Certainly not in the same way as before, and I certainly don’t think the time we are in is any kind of “after”. 

• Em Coswrote:

Certainly not in the same way as before, and I certainly don’t think the time we are in is any kind of “after”. 

That is a given and perhaps I misspoke so certainly what the question really was - 

how has the climbing experience been for everyone coming back? 

Yula Movchanwrote:

how has the climbing experience been for everyone coming back? 

I have been super COVID cautious since mid-March. I started climbing again just last month. I'm not climbing with any of my pre-COVID partners. I found one new partner who is also only climbing with me and is otherwise mostly self-isolating at home. No gym climbing, only outside. We wear masks when we're within 10 feet horizontal of each other or other people. Climber wears a mask until they're about 20+ feet above the belayer, because gravity. We look for crags that aren't popular or crowded. We drive separately and we use hand sanitizer. Maybe all of this is overkill, but it's the most exposure I have to anyone besides my husband. It feels great to be back on rock again, but kind of sad to be so limited. I see people in my local area looking for random partners on FB all the time. That feels like a past world to me. 

So today in the mini gym there were two girls climbing.  So I shock away fear and approached them. Asking if they came here often and if I could maybe join them another day.

And then the most interesting thing happened.  Something I didn't expect cause it would have never been my answer: We currently have enough climbing partners.  Sorry.

I know it's their thing... and I shouldn't complain. But I never say no just like that. Maybe you go climbing and find out that you don't make sense together... ok.. but just like that? (If somebody is scared of somebody new belaying then just go in a group and someone observes... understand that fear all too good! )

Sorry... needed to put that somewhere. :( 

(Oh... and just to add that:  I make friends easily. So I'm not just complete jerk nobody wants to hang out with :p)

Ma Nuwrote:

So today in the mini gym there were two girls climbing.  So I shock away fear and approached them. Asking if they came here often and if I could maybe join them another day.

And then the most interesting thing happened.  Something I didn't expect cause it would have never been my answer: We currently have enough climbing partners.  Sorry.

I know it's their thing... and I shouldn't complain. But I never say no just like that. Maybe you go climbing and find out that you don't make sense together... ok.. but just like that? (If somebody is scared of somebody new belaying then just go in a group and someone observes... understand that fear all too good! )

Sorry... needed to put that somewhere. :( 

(Oh... and just to add that:  I make friends easily. So I'm not just complete jerk nobody wants to hang out with :p)

Ma Nu, sorry to hear that, that sucks... for a bit of levity, it reminded me of this scene from "The Cable Guy"...

Stephwrote: I climbed with some rad ladies back east, but now having the hardest time finding anything other than climbing bros in Tahoe area. My SO doesn't climb, and both of us would prefer I climbed w the ladies. Also, it's tough when you just want to climb fun but easier pitches, not crazy stuff at Yosemite. Finding I'm the odd woman out here.

Come to Yosemite and we can go slay the easier routes 100%.

Ma Nuwrote:

So today in the mini gym there were two girls climbing.  So I shock away fear and approached them. Asking if they came here often and if I could maybe join them another day.

And then the most interesting thing happened.  Something I didn't expect cause it would have never been my answer: We currently have enough climbing partners.  Sorry.

I know it's their thing... and I shouldn't complain. But I never say no just like that. Maybe you go climbing and find out that you don't make sense together... ok.. but just like that? (If somebody is scared of somebody new belaying then just go in a group and someone observes... understand that fear all too good! )

Sorry... needed to put that somewhere. :( 

(Oh... and just to add that:  I make friends easily. So I'm not just complete jerk nobody wants to hang out with :p)

I'm so sorry you felt rejected. That's rough, especially when you've made the effort to work up the courage to approach and be friendly. I wouldn't take it personally though. How could it be personal? They didn't even know you.

For me personally, finding climbing partners can be like feast or famine. It has happened many times in my climbing life that I was looking for new partners, and just as often my dance card would be full. Right before COVID, I had three different regular gym partners: one for Monday, one for Wednesday, and one for Friday. I also had two regular partners and several once-in-a-while partners I climbed with outdoors so I was getting outside pretty much every weekend. I prefer to climb with just one partner rather than in groups, so I didn't really have room to say yes to new partners. That would have meant that they would bump someone else out of rotation. Maybe those two women were just in a similar place. 

Ma Nuwrote:

So today in the mini gym there were two girls climbing.  So I shock away fear and approached them. Asking if they came here often and if I could maybe join them another day.

And then the most interesting thing happened.  Something I didn't expect cause it would have never been my answer: We currently have enough climbing partners.  Sorry.

I know it's their thing... and I shouldn't complain. But I never say no just like that. Maybe you go climbing and find out that you don't make sense together... ok.. but just like that? (If somebody is scared of somebody new belaying then just go in a group and someone observes... understand that fear all too good! )

Sorry... needed to put that somewhere. :( 

(Oh... and just to add that:  I make friends easily. So I'm not just complete jerk nobody wants to hang out with :p)

Rejection sucks! Sorry, Ma Nu

I wonder if this is COVID-induced? I’m certainly restricting my group of partners more than usual right now. But still... I would have worded it differently.

Don’t let it discourage you from approaching other people.

Thank you for your answers.
I sound like a whiny little girl :P ;)

No, everything is fine. I was just very surprised because that's not how I know the climbing community. :) But of course it is their thing how and with whom they want to climb. And I would not want to climb with people who were just too shy to say no. So everything's ok. :)

Lena chitawrote:

Rejection sucks! Sorry, Ma Nu

I wonder if this is COVID-induced? I’m certainly restricting my group of partners more than usual right now. But still... I would have worded it differently.

Don’t let it discourage you from approaching other people.

I think Lena nailed it. I imagine they are limiting their partners for the time being to decrease potential spread. I know many people doing the same (including me). 

Sorry to hear that happened Ma Nu. But I agree with what the other people said, it very well may be Covid related. Is there a bulletin board in your gym? Maybe worth trying and posting there? That way only interested partners will contact you.