That was a very real and sincere post Tony, thank you.
John and Becky, I hope that both of you are healing physically and mentally. I'll share my experience since you asked and it sounds similar but we're all different so be kind to yourselves if it's different or harder than someone on the internet.
I was lowered off the end of the rope in October of last year and landed on my back. The damage ended up being around 23 fractures, mostly ribs and transverse processes, but also 5 vertebral body fractures. I got fused T3-T9, as T6 and 7 were unstable and posed a significant risk for paralysis. I also had a hemopneumothorax that was potentially life threatening. I was conscious the whole time and remember most of it. All that said, I did not have to maintain bed rest and was up to chair and "walking" (with 2 people helping and a walker) within a day or two of the surgery. As my fusion was thoracic our rehab and long term mobility will be different but I can share some generalities that helped me.
1. Don't mess up the fusion. This is crucial. I wasn't allowed to lift more than 15 lbs, bend, or twist for 3 full months. I wore a full CTO brace. I had brand new baby girl at the time (and a 3 year old). It sucked. But if you break that fusion you get to start over, so the number one rules is don't get injured. The surgeons word is absolute. Ibuprofen is so tempting, but don't do it (impairs bone healing).
2. Understand that your healing is ultimately up to you. This isn't to discount the many, many people that cared for me, I would have died without them. Rather I feel it respects them to also give your best effort. Know that it is your responsibility to do each breathing exercise, each rep of tedious in bed calf exercises, to eat in a manner that is conducive to healing (protein, iron, calcium, etc.), to plan for and be proactive about sleeping (eg pain control), etc. Each piece of it is simple and monotonous, but also within your control. This was incredibly empowering for me as not much else will you have control over early on, so revel in the fact that you can pull another 100ml on the incentive spirometer or whatever it is.
3. Ask for/accept help. This may seem in opposition to number 2, but I think of it more as facilitating the above. You won't be able to make nutritious food, or get your spirometer when it falls on the floor for the 12th time that morning. If your feet are cold and it's keeping you awake, ask someone to put socks on you. Ask someone to help you, it's super important and honestly most people want ways in which to help. It was incredibly humbling, but I think any excuse to gain a little humility is a good thing. Breaking ones back is an excellent opportunity ;-)
4. Use the time you have now. I always wished I could see friends more, but was busy with life stuff as we all are. I suddenly had a lot of time, so called people, or asked if people would drive me somewhere nice where we could walk together (later on). Or asked people to bring food and eat with us. I also read some books that I'd wanted to for some time. Whatever it is, now is a great time. It's a huge moral boost and it also keeps you off the internet reading about fusion outcomes...
5. Don't read about fusion outcomes on the internet. It's super depressing. Remember that most of those people had theirs for chronic pain issues and still have many of those issues even after the surgery. A traumatic fusion is a different animal, more akin to the huge scoliosis fusions which have much better results. If you poke around you can find people with huge fusions doing all sorts of things from climbing to ultramarathoning, to skiing, etc.
6. Know that it won't always feel like this. You will do things again, including be an athlete. There will come a day when you wake up and think of other things as you go about your day.
7. Know that it will hurt some. Some amount of pain is going to happen, manage it when it prevents things that improve healing (ie. sleep, eating, PT exercises), but also taper off the opiods as aggressively as possible.
As for the psycological side of it, I'm sure everyone is different. For me, it helped to talk it through. You'll be thinking of it often anyway. Whatever the case, I think it's important to take the time you need to accept your new reality, and to indeed accept it as your new reality. Whatever you did prior is no longer comparable, you are a different person. Once you've done that, the whole thing becomes less emotional (eg. woe is me) and just another thing in your life to analyze and improve upon (like training a weakness in climbing).
I hope that was of some help to you both, and please don't hesitate to contact me if you have any questions. I was very motivated by and thankful for the people that wrote back to me about their experiences. Best of luck!