Secret Third Flatiron Area

Ok, I'll fess up. My original post was pure fiction, but it included just enough details to get a rumor started.
Too many folks saw through the outlandish lie and now my hopes of starting an uban legend have dwindled.
I've been climbing for a long time and I really miss the stories and legends that surrounded our sport way back when.
In my opinion, it seems that climbing has become too sterilized as of late. One of my favorite parts of roadtrips was sitting around the campfire late at night, and "swapping lies" about mythological endeavors perpetrated and perpetuated by legendary climbers. These old tales included just enough truth to be believed, but we knew they were more story than fact, and passed them on without any regard to the facts.
Has anyone heard a good one lately? Likely not. What a shame.
If you do have a good tall tale, please share. I will pass it on as gospel.

Pete Takeda's got a good one that is just bordering fiction/non-fiction in the #156 Rock & Ice, p. 56. Anyone ever met those sherpas keeping warm on that thing? Anyone chat with McCarthy about it? 41 years now.

Dangit! I'm never gonna get to Hogwarts. Though, I hear there's an entrance for Diagon Alley in behind the Southern Sun; or it could be to Narnia???

An evil white bitch that turns all to stone, that's cool; but give a boy a wand and have him spread goodwill - heathen hellfire & damnation!!! (off post parody vent, sorry bout that)

I'm disappointed at how dry and encyclopedic climbing guides have become. Even the names of first ascentionists are now often stuffed into an appendix or omitted. The history of the place is usually left out.

There are a few exceptions of guides that actually contained humor. I remember one of the original J-Tree guides contained a fictitious route, and other shenanigans. I regret I do not have a copy of that guide. Bernard Gillett's RMNP guide also had some cartoons in the first edition, but I was sad to see that they had been removed in the second edition (I guess to save space). Granted the cartoons weren't all great, but it is rare that there are any laughs in guidebooks these days.

I was glad to see recently that some of the SuperTopo guides have a significant amount of history in them.

Mark Nelson wrote:An evil white bitch that turns all to stone, that's cool; but give a boy a wand and have him spread goodwill - heathen hellfire & damnation!!! (off post parody vent, sorry bout that)

I'm not anti-Potter, but I must point out that I think your post unintentionally distinguishes the reason for different treatment for those who are. The White Witch is portrayed as evil, whereas in Potter sorcery is portrayed as an acceptable pursuit. My extremely cursory understanding of the controversy isn't that "dark powers" shouldn't be portrayed as existing, but rather that they shouldn't be glorified.

I would apologize for this having nothing to do with climbing but I'm claiming an Alister Crowley connection, even though it might require six degrees of Royal Robbins (everything climbing related connects to Robbins somehow doesn't it?).

Did anyone ever hear the story about the heroic guys who fell to their death on El Cap?
It is usually told by someone who says that they saw the following, or their friend saw the following:
"We were up on one of the hideous aid routes to the right of North American Wall. There was a party on a route one over to the right from us, and there was a party on a route one over to the right of them.
The guys at the far right had a marginal belay set up and the leader was running out about a hundred feet of A4 placements.
The leader started panicking and the belayer calls out to the party to the left, "here we fxxxing go!" with a thumbs up. The leader whips, zippering all his pro, yanks off the belayer and they both fall to their death, while the party immediately left snaps a salute to honor the falling climbers on their way down."
I've heard a few variations to this one, and whenever I hear it, I say, yeah, it's absolutely true, my buddy (who always remaines nameless) saw the whole thing.

Mike Lane wrote:Tom, ya gotta take me to that!

Mike Lane is an idiot.

Alright since Tom obviously isn't really going to share the real beta to this area here you all go:

Has anyone ever been to Mallory Cave? Up there this area actually does exist. The entrance is a little different and the best part is that almost no one has ever been to the prime area because there is a large family of bats that "hang out" deterring any but the most hardy of adventurers. Enter the cave, look up with a light and you will see the bats. Climb up about 20 ft to the top of the cave and you will find another hole in the rock leading into the area. Generally getting through this section involves disrupting the bats but don't worry they don't usually attack. When the bats have cleared squeeze through the second cave and crawl about 25 ft where it leads to the first of a series of chambers. I have only explored the first 5 chambers but from my experience it seems that there could be endless routes to explore and the climbing is super prime as Tom previously described. Unlike the mythological Third Flatiron spot you can still get to this area fairly painlessly even when there is snow in town. Don't bother bringing a crash pad it would never fit through the second cave entrance and the floor of the cave is pretty kind to falling anyway. Good luck and make sure you've had your rabbis shot before investigating this amazing area.

Jeff Barnow wrote:Good luck and make sure you've had your rabbis shot before investigating this amazing area.

But I'm not Jewish and I don't have a rabbi and even if I did, I wouldn't want to shoot him....Oh, you meant rabies shot...never mind.

Disturbing the bats, by noise or physical commotion (especially during winter) is NOT COOL. As a general rule, bats use up crucial reserves of energy when they are awakened unnecessarily (again it is more of problem in cold season) and it can be MUCH harder to replace these lost reserves because fewer insects are out (in winter). PLEASE think again before climbing here if it involves disturbing bats. They do not go into your house and wake you up in the middle of the night, so please respect them in their house! Remember bats are working to reduce the mosquito population and nasty bugs all the time, but if they are injured, weak or die that is less natural bug control for all of us!!!
There are plenty of other places to climb around Boulder..in case you haven't noticed. BTW, I am a long time caver and climber..so not trying to talk thru my helmet on this...

Mallory Cave is closed from April 1st to October 1st for the protection of roosting Townsend's Big Eared Bats; see OSMP Closure Notice for details.

Presumably, the bats are not roosting in the cave at other times.

But good luck to those hoping to find a hidden bouldering paradise in there...nicely told tale, though!

mike lane is not an idiot....just a dreamer.

reminds me of being a kid...everything was always big and adventurous. even in your backyard.

i would advise a rabies vaccine before taking on any bats. they are the primary carrier of rabies in CO and bites may not be noticeable!

Just a clarifying note, I do not have site specific knowledge of Mallory Cave since I purposely do not visit - in order not to risk disturbing bats in a known bat cave. If the bats roost elsewhere in the winter then it is probably not a major problem to go in, besides the basic human impact on the cave environment. Still, disturbing the bats is not a good idea at any time of the year.

Some men I know have been to Mallory Cave, and have disturbed the Big Eared Bats; not a good idea.

There were no bats in Mallory Cave a couple of weeks ago. When the bats are in session, there's a plastic fence put up to prevent people from disturbing them. If one were to pick a locale for a tall tale, Harmon Cave, with its massive, permanent iron gates, would work a bit better.

Within the lore of 11-Mile, a femme fetale was scampering above a creek.
When pulling a flake, she let out a shreek!
She flailed & faultered while clinging to the rock;
swinging away at the air, whilst we on the ground were all watching in shock,
"What the hell is going on?!?", we all yelled to our beauty.
"I'm battling a bat which had become rather moody!"
We tried not to laugh as she was runout;
but the mammal with wings was feeling quite stout.
It dived and it bombed and messed up her hair.
We thought quite sure, she's gonna get some BIG air!
Surpris-ed to us the bat went on its way;
but we would not soon forget the lesson learned this day.
When climbing by flakes, pull down instead of reaching up, in, & away.

Another great one by Nelson! : )

I was underclinging a downward facing flake and a little bat flew out of the crevice at the back of the flake. It startled me so much I fell off. Luckily I was only 4 feet off the ground.