Anal Impalement

At the gym today I got impaled. I was about 10-15 feet up an autobelay route unclipped and I jumped down to clip in. The landing looked clear. Routesetting was going on nearby and the section being set was cordoned off immediately to the left of the autobelay with black plastic fencing and 2 inch diameter PVC pipe posts a few of feet high. The landing wasn’t clear. As I was expecting to land, my feet never hit the ground.  Instead, one of these posts drove up my anus, impaling my rectum. My back arched backward as I was impaled, breaking my T7 vertebrate. My sacrum was completely shattered and my anus and rectum were ripped open. 

I started screaming and didn’t stop for a long time. The gym staff helped stabilize me and control the bleeding while they called 911. I was taken to the trauma center where they did an x-ray and CT and then did emergency surgery to see back together my anus and rectum. I am currently waiting for an MRI to determine if the spinal issues need surgery. 

Totally Gnar, no idea if I will be able to walk or run or climb again and don’t fully understand the severity of my injuries right now but I am happy to be alive and grateful for all those who helped me today. 

I’m sure there will be plenty of follow ups, but that is all for now, you big bunch of good-hearted accident vultures! Stay safe and watch your ass!

Yikes! Hope it heals up.

Jesus christ

This has got to be the craziest accident story I’ve heard in my life! I admit my first thought was a troll… but making an account two years ago just to troll is not very likely.

I wish you best luck on your recovery. Hope it’s going to be as smooth and quick as possible  

Man I am so sorry. Best wishes on your healing. That is so fked

BS

Jeff Schmelter wrote:

I'm the nurse (also a climber) in the hospital taking care of this badass dude. His story is most definitely true. Super gnar accident and Brandon still has an awesome attitude and sense of humor about it. Get well soon Brandon! You absolutely deserve a free lifetime membership to that gym and let's climb together when you get outa here!

Sounds like he might own the gym after it's all said and done. Hopefully he takes some responsibility himself IF it truly was his fault... but black poles in a climbing gym sounds like trouble. Why not orange rubber cones that would be a non issue to accidentally fall onto?

Best of luck, homie, stay positive!

Extra points for tandem trolling. Been there and done that, so still not buying it.

You lost me at "jumped down" from 10-15' up. Why didn't you just downclimb that juggy autobelay route? That was the giveaway.

Better luck trolling next time.

Jeff Schmelter wrote:

I'm the nurse (also a climber) in the hospital taking care of this badass dude. His story is most definitely true. Super gnar accident and Brandon still has an awesome attitude and sense of humor about it. Get well soon Brandon! You absolutely deserve a free lifetime membership ban to that gym and let's climb together when you get outa here!

"Badass," indeed. "Injured ass" is more like it.  Oh, and I fixed the other part for you.

And stanchions are aid.

Well….you are not the purest climber

Good luck

Still not buying it. A solid 7 or 8/10 though. 

This might help next time:

Please god let this be trolling

Cherokee Nuneswrote:

One in a million doc.

But seriously, that sounds terrible. Hope you recover ok.

Dab

Brandon is my brother-in-law and primary climbing partner. I can’t express how much I wish this was a troll. Love you bro, headed back to the hospital now. 

Does impaling your ass on a post so you don't hit the ground preserve the onsight?