Worst expirence pooping on a wall?

I had a couple small bags that newspapers come in. Real narrow, thin and just all around tiny. 70% actually made it into the bag, 20% on my hands and 10% on the ledge. After cleaning the ledge I forgot hand sanitizer and proceeded to wash my hands with Jameson. I learned some lessons that day to say the least. 

A good friend, while on the way down from a route, got shit upon from a shithead who was a pitch above. Fortunately, the shithead above had yet to pull their rope after jugging up so my friend used it to wipe the shit up. And for good measure he tied the rope off before continuing on down.

That^^^ is ridiculous.

After drinking too much coffee, I took a dump, while on lead in a chimney. Back to wall, feet to the other wall. I felt re-born.

Also, for those that haven't read Mikey Libeki's hilarious story.
​https://www.climbing.com/people/that-one-time-one-crappy-climb/​​​

My partner and I were climbing triple direct last season. The morning of day 3 we ate breakfast which was nuts,  granola, and spoiled hemp milk (it was hotter than expected). I passed on the hemp milk b/c it smelled nasty but my partner went for it. My partner leads us from the great roof to the glowering spot. When I get there he tells me I need to take the lead b/c his stomach is jacked up. I start leading the next pitch and about 30 ft into the pitch he yells up to me that he needs to shit, like right now. I'm laughing, he has the sweats from needing to poop. He says keep climbing I'll keep belaying and proceeds to execute a poop into a wag bag on the 3'x3' glowering spot while maintaining a belay.    

Total shenanigans

Was reestablishing a route in the Pinnacles and took the precaution of taking care of business on the ground. Started jugging up my fixed lines and found that apparently not all of the business had been taken care of. I started to transition to rap back down when the business decided time was not on our side. Cue desperate yanking down of pants without even releasing the leg loop straps and let it rip on the rock. My partner yells up to at least get it out of the way of the rope path. I mumble an apology and weak excuse and finish up. Needless to say the rope ended up smack dab in the middle of the wet and squishy pile and my partner had choice words for me once we met up at our high point. 

Not #2 but #1 related -

Climbing the Pioneer Route on Monkey Face, get to top of P1 and am anchored in at Bohn Street. Begin bringing my partner up and feel a cool mist on my face. turn around to see a dude belaying his leader, taking a piss into the wind with the stream blowing directly back to me. Of course I'm anchored in and can't move, so I was forced to endure the golden belay shower until said dude was finished. Cursed him out the entire time, even got it on video.

Dude offered a half assed apology and set off up the face, never to be seen again. We bailed shortly thereafter, partially from having piss all over my face, partially from my lack of aid skills/equipment as we tried to make it up the bolt ladder...

What a waste of Jameson....can't believe these BW newbies missed the worst part of the experience, wasting good (well, drinkable) Irish Whiskey.

Shit? My partners don't let a little poop slow down their climbing...one hit the first of 4 fixed lines and had an attack of Cream of Wheat come shooting out....jugged the next 3 lines and then solo aided the next pitch on a 7.8mm to a new high point....CC LEGEND.

I, of course, was drinking free coffee in the Awahnee and playing Empires on my phone in the grand lounge cause I'm hard like that....Bully....bully...pass the cucumber sammies, dear.

My friend climbed up to my alpine belay ashen-faced, moving faster than I'd ever seen him move before. With nary a word he scrambled up to a ledge 15 ft above, turned outward Honnold-style, ripped down his pants and shat behind the ledge, 250 ft off the deck. With an immense look of satisfaction he stood up and attempted to pull his pants up under his harness, nearly tipping forward off the ledge and onto my two nut belay.

We would have left a red/brown streak down that wall together.

Must of been Tub Girl.

I have been shit on once the party above claimed it wasn't them... Sure, there was shit all over the rock and cracks and couldn't be avoided no matter how careful you were got it on my hands and rope it was awful. From the consistency of crap I climbed through, it looked like they drank a lot the previous night.  Then once a lady decided to take a piss off a ledge and on a desert tower and the wind gracefully carried it directly to my face. Needless to say, I was pissed.

One time I had to poop really bad, and I was climbing a big route with a guy I had never climbed with before, feeling a little embarrassed I didn't want to tell him I had to shit bad. When the guy got to the ledge and started building an anchor I reached up and ripped out a huge moss chunk out of a crack. I shit a big steamy pile and chucked the moss chunk off the cliff pulled up my pants before my partner looked down and yelled off belay.... he never even knew I took a shit nor did I tell him, until we became better friends a few weeks later. 

I climbed prusik peak with my buddy this past spring. It was a day trip, and my buddy hadn't pooped that morning. At the summit he was clearly struggling, and luckily for him I just so happened to have a doggy shit bag in my pocket. He proceeded, to my amazement, hold the bag open, which doesn't have a large opening, and shit inside of it. It was so full he was barely able to tie the bag off. He ended up putting the bag in his chalk bag for the rappels. We then had to hike the nine miles out with his backpack smelling like shit. Needless to say he bought a new chalkbag.   

I'm sure everyone has seen this video by now, but here's a perfect example.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=prIcvW8JP-c

personally I've never shat on the wall, but I've had a few close calls on multipitch climbs.  Worst I've had is I thought it was raining one day at Maple, and was looking up just as my partner was above me and felt a rain drop go right in my mouth, turns out it was his armpit sweat raining down on me  

i have a couple friends who onsighted a pretty big fairly difficult route for them.  one of them crapped his pants while belaying so it wouldn't screw up his partner's onsight.  now that's a dedicated partner!

slim wrote: i have a couple friends who onsighted a pretty big fairly difficult route for them.  one of them crapped his pants while belaying so it wouldn't screw up his partner's onsight.  now that's a dedicated partner!

In the never-ending belay device fight, I'm going to start using "can I pull down my pants while using it" as a metric.

Tried to climb great white book days after being on stool softeners. Turns out there were still some stool softeners in my system. Turns out 5.6 offwidth has a way of working things loose. Luckily only a bit slipped out so I was able to finish the route and run to the bathroom to clean up. It was very close to a full on catastrophe though.

i wonder how many websites have folks from all walks of life, openly talking about that time they crapped themselves.  maybe BD/petzl/whoever should come up with some gortex depends for their next groundbreaking invention.

Everett wrote:

In the never-ending belay device fight, I'm going to start using "can I pull down my pants while using it" as a metric.

i climbed a long moderate alpine route with a guy who was a really good climber.  i didn't know it at the time, but while i was leading my block he had the trots really bad.  he said he would sprint upwards to build up slack, and then let it blow.  repeat (ad nauseum...).  i had no idea until we were on the summit and he told me.

In terms of piss, while on Washington Column my friend was standing at a belay with me and started to piss down the crack between the wall and the huge flake we were standing on. Pee traveled about 20' down, came out the bottom of the flake and then the wind grabbed it and pushed it back up the wall the full 25' until it came raining down on us. Dude pissed for so long, he was still pissing down while his initial stream of piss was above us raining down. Good times.

slim wrote: i wonder how many websites have folks from all walks of life, openly talking about that time they crapped themselves.  maybe BD/petzl/whoever should come up with some gortex depends for their next groundbreaking invention.

Next april fools, the Brown Diamond Crag-N-Wag GTX

While on a romp up Leaning Tower and settling in for the evening on Ahwahnee Ledge one of my buddies initiated a poop in a standard wag bag. He had never pooped in one before. He asked me and my other partner on the wall how to do it, and we replied rather simply to the effect of, "just poop in the bag - it's kinda like a doggie poop bag only bigger." Simple enough right? We thought it was straight forward enough, but something got confounded in our explanation. Instead of OPENING the large bag that the shit is supposed to go in he pooped ON the bag laying flat on the ground. Much laughing ensued as he had to manhandle the turds INTO the bag. 

Max Rausch wrote: Also, for those that haven't read Mikey Libeki's hilarious story.
https://www.climbing.com/people/that-one-time-one-crappy-climb/

That story was the inspiration for film "Shitnado."