partner etiquette question

This might be a dumb question - I might just be overthinking it. Here goes:

I am a pretty new climber but I like to think reasonably knowledgable for the time I have been climbing. I've led maybe 5 pitches, followed up to 5.6, top rope to 5.7 or 5.8. You get the point. So I am obviously seeking out experienced people to learn from. I've met a few and actually gone out with a couple. So I know about 5 folks who can lead trad, climb above my level and I can learn from that are reasonably willing to climb with a less experienced yet eager, humble, non idiot (me I like to think). None are a regular partner. It's like whatever can work out.

So my question is this...I can go climbing when I can go, like the rest of us. If it's Monday do I just reach out to all 5? I don't want to jerk anyone around but sometimes people don't get back to you for whatever reason. None of these people know each other and I know climbing in a pair is the most efficient. I have no preference at this point...they are all cool people and I am new so its like - whoever for me at this point.

Not to be overly complicated I realize its not unlike any other social situation which I am not always the best at, but I digress :) You want to go to a movie or whatever - you reach out to some friends, whoever can go can go...cool. Sometimes one friends doesn't know the other and its fine. But with climbing it seems to change if a 3rd wheel is added. So it's like I reach out to person 1, they dont get back to me in a day. I reach out to person 2 - they get back to me, we are set. Then the first guy calls me - sorry dude, now I'm booked?

I realize I probably sound a bit nutty and since I am the new climber I suspect no one cares that much about climbing with me. Just trying to see the best way to handle finding partners that is cool but in all honesty, and possibly selfishly, gives me the best chance of having a partner on the day I can go.

neils wrote:This might be a dumb question - I might just be overthinking it. Here goes: I am a pretty new climber but I like to think reasonably knowledgable for the time I have been climbing. I've led maybe 5 pitches, followed up to 5.6, top rope to 5.7 or 5.8. You get the point. So I am obviously seeking out experienced people to learn from. I've met a few and actually gone out with a couple. So I know about 5 folks who can lead trad, climb above my level and I can learn from that are reasonably willing to climb with a less experienced yet eager, humble, non idiot (me I like to think). None are a regular partner. It's like whatever can work out. So my question is this...I can go climbing when I can go, like the rest of us. If it's Monday do I just reach out to all 5? I don't want to jerk anyone around but sometimes people don't get back to you for whatever reason. None of these people know each other and I know climbing in a pair is the most efficient. I have no preference at this point...they are all cool people and I am new so its like - whoever for me at this point. Not to be overly complicated I realize its not unlike any other social situation which I am not always the best at, but I digress :) You want to go to a movie or whatever - you reach out to some friends, whoever can go can go...cool. Sometimes one friends doesn't know the other and its fine. But with climbing it seems to change if a 3rd wheel is added. So it's like I reach out to person 1, they dont get back to me in a day. I reach out to person 2 - they get back to me, we are set. Then the first guy calls me - sorry dude, now I'm booked? I realize I probably sound a bit nutty and since I am the new climber I suspect no one cares that much about climbing with me. Just trying to see the best way to handle finding partners that is cool but in all honesty, and possibly selfishly, gives me the best chance of having a partner on the day I can go.

Perhaps you're overthinking this a bit?
Just ask.

^^x100 I would think that any person in the climbing community that has given you their phone numbers wouldn't mind to be contacted. I wouldn't necessarily contact them via phone call, but texts work great. Usually when I was wanting to hit up a canyon I would send out a text message letting them know I would be up there at the times, if they showed great, didn't even need a reply (but those were nice) and it lets them know they can head up and climb too if they were without a partner.

With that said, I mostly boulder now so I don't need to worry so much about partners rather just where I want to go and what I want to learn for the day. I would recommend checking out bouldering if you find yourself always without a partner.

I start calling off my partner list in sequence. I try to set things up a couple days in advance. Not always possible. I like to give a potential partner time to respond. Most people are packing a cell phone these days and unless restricted at work can call you back or text you. Sometimes a party of 3 is good. I always ask about 3 especially if people are strangers.

I don't mass call...that's jerk behavior IMO. I overbook sport climbing when dealing with potential no shows and flakes.

I just thought I would throw this out there.. You can plan on climbing with one partner but if another gets in the mix you can all go. One person leads a single pitch, sets up a toprope, lowers and then the other two follow. Everyone hits the TR a couple times then you clean and rappel. Move on to the next route and repeat. Three people can do multipitch if someone has doubles.

Is it such a bad thing if you end up climbing with a group of 3? I usually invite them along. Sometimes people will make other plans to avoid odd numbers or even find a 4th to tag along, but at least they have an option if they can't find anyone.

Text everyone, make plans with whoever you can make plans with, if people get back to you after that either let them know you've already made plans, or invite them to join (if appropriate - might work fine for cragging). Don't surprise anyone with a party of 3 they weren't expecting.

If more than one person gets back to you, say "I've already got plans for this Saturday, how about we lock down next weekend?" Now you're a week ahead of the game.

Never bail if you can help it - except for injury, illness, or other unforeseen emergency - otherwise your partner list will shrink very quickly.

You seem to be overthinking this a bit, although courtesy to others is almost never a bad thing. Contact everyone you want to climb with, and climb with whoever responds first.

Threesomes can be a good way to go with sport climbs, single pitch climbs and top roping sessions. Surprising your partner with a third partner when you meet to climb is not a good way to go.

With acquaintances and random partners I just text everyone a few days out, climb with whoever gets back to you first. No big deal imo. Don't show up with a surprise 3rd though..

thank you for all the input. I am pretty open to communicating and just putting it out there, no worries. But there are some nuances to climbing, groups of 3, safety etc that I am new to. I appreciate the insight.

Generally the more the merrier (to a point), especially if experienced, and not needing to be coached.

Usually if we have more than 3 people we'll bring a 2nd rope, and climb as 2 parties. If route's can be top roped, we'll switch off before pulling the ropes. Just be aware of other parties if you're at a more crowded crag.

It helps if you can lead, and are not dependent on another person, but generally if you're planning the outing, you determine who comes and who doesn't. Just communicate what's going on with everyone so if people aren't comfortable, or want to back out they can communicate it.

I wouldn't contact a bunch of people at once, but 2 or maybe 3 at a time seems reasonable. You might let them know you've contacted a few different people. If you end up joining a different party already organized, and get an invite elsewhere, well then it's up to you.

just tell them the deal. " hey im looking for a partner for Monday and im just going down my list, let me know if youre free." then if you have to tell them you found someone else they will be cool with it.

Jake Jones wrote: Yep. First person that responded and can go. I always give preference to partners that are accessible and available first without a ton of logistics and planning necessary.

This

thanks - just common sense and common decency and communication. i guess i was feeling a little hypersensitive in that as a new climber i still feel like someone is doing me a favor by climbing with me for the day, which in a sense is true but maybe not totally, its not like i bring nothing to the table - i have the gear, i am willing to organize the day - ill carpool, ill buy you lunch ;)

also, and i am sure some people look at it this way and some don't - i like to think i provide an opportunity for an experienced person to share their knowledge with a very willing and serious recipient - which will only make the experienced person better. I study martial arts and the founder of the style I have studied said you don't know until you teach. Not everyone will look at it that way nor are they cut out to do what I am describing but there is truth to it.

i guess my point is i needn't feel quite so timid about making plans with people. just be a righteous human and all will be well. I am an experienced hiker and backpacker in the Catskills and ADK among other places and a lot of that I have done solo. The whole nature of climbing and seeking out partners is an adjustment for me.

You often have to ask several people within a short timeframe as you have seen, they don't always respond right away and have the free time. For me, many times we just turn it into a small group outing since my partners know each other and climb together without me often. If someone wants to do multipitch routes, then any third person will usually drop out voluntarily.

i go by hottness, like OMG.

Just don't be this guy:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UoQ5goVpjyM

Good question neils. This whole partner thing is harder to do than dating women...

People get feelings hurt, rejected, dumped, stood up and all sorts of letdowns.

All over who your going "out" with.

This is what I do.... Long term "big climbing" plans do not get made loosely. Some people might mentally think that the statement.... "yea lets go to Yosemite next October" as a firm plan. Nothing is said between now and October and one week before October dude calls and says "...i'll pick you up on Saturday..." now the egg on face part, because you just made plans to go that weekend to XXXX and not to Yosemite. It can get messy and so 7th grade. So long term plans need constant reminders with all the folks involved. Esp when airline tickets and vacation time are involved. This is what I call written in PEN on my calendar.

Short term, day to day cragging partners.... common courtesy works best. Sometimes a gang text is good, just state your desire to go to YYYY crag for xxx days.... who is up for it?

Most people will learn who is on your list. The real fun is when person Y hates person Z. The questions start up... "If Y is going than I wont go..." more 7th grade stuff.

EM wrote: "Never bail if you can help it - except for injury, illness, or other unforeseen emergency - otherwise your partner list will shrink very quickly."

EM is very wise, this is the most true statement ever written on MP.

late

Guy Keesee wrote:Good question neils. This whole partner thing is harder to do than dating women... People get feelings hurt, rejected, dumped, stood up and all sorts of letdowns. All over who your going "out" with. This is what I do.... Long term "big climbing" plans do not get made loosely. Some people might mentally think that the statement.... "yea lets go to Yosemite next October" as a firm plan. Nothing is said between now and October and one week before October dude calls and says "...i'll pick you up on Saturday..." now the egg on face part, because you just made plans to go that weekend to XXXX and not to Yosemite. It can get messy and so 7th grade. So long term plans need constant reminders with all the folks involved. Esp when airline tickets and vacation time are involved. This is what I call written in PEN on my calendar. Short term, day to day cragging partners.... common courtesy works best. Sometimes a gang text is good, just state your desire to go to YYYY crag for xxx days.... who is up for it? Most people will learn who is on your list. The real fun is when person Y hates person Z. The questions start up... "If Y is going than I wont go..." more 7th grade stuff. EM wrote: "Never bail if you can help it - except for injury, illness, or other unforeseen emergency - otherwise your partner list will shrink very quickly." EM is very wise, this is the most true statement ever written on MP. late

The Gunks!!!!!!!!!!

Paris, New York, Los Angeles, Bishop.

I regulatory climb with groups of 3 so I don't see a problem with asking 3 at a time. Normally I let them know as soon as I know others may be coming. Most of the people I climb with know how it works and know that hey I may bring a friend etc.

Generally I limit who goes more on where we may climb than how many may be climbing (generally reach out with multi people wait a day see who all wants to climb and than start limiting places based on that). If I have person A who wants to jump on a 5.10 multi pitch climb I will tell person B that has never climbed over a 5.8 that hey you got back to me late and I already got person A who is wanting to climb something that is over your level etc they normally understand.

I think people would get pissed if you said they can come and than after that talk to a different person and drop the original person to go climb something harder with a 3rd person.