satirical musings about eastern climbers

DavisMeschke wrote:Climbing in the White Mountains and calling it "alpine"

+2

Jake Jones wrote:Full on 5.11c opposing double gaston of 5.9 hand crack.

AKA the 'elevator door' beta

christoph benells wrote:Wearing climbing helmet right from the car, even though it's a 1/2 mile hike to the base of the climb.

I do this all the time. If its comfortable, why take it off and have it swing around the outside of my bag on the hike out? A lot of the time I just forget I have it on.

Eric Chabot wrote: AKA the 'elevator door' beta

Which was made famous by the video of the concrete crack climber who used wood blocks for pro and decked from 20 feet up.

Josh S wrote: I do this all the time. If its comfortable, why take it off and have it swing around the outside of my bag on the hike out? A lot of the time I just forget I have it on.

you've got the old school floppy 70l ems pack, just put it on the inside!

christoph benells wrote: you've got the old school floppy 70l ems pack, just put it on the inside!

But what if there's a freak meteor shower?!

for you skier folks,

ski touring on marker barons with lange race boots

christoph benells wrote:for you skier folks, ski touring on marker barons with lange race boots

or resort skiing with super fat, top of the line powder skis on crusty ice all day

T Roper wrote: or resort skiing with super fat, top of the line powder skis on crusty ice all day

Has super fat top of the line powder skis but can't ski deep powder.

Talking about gym grades, in direct reference to outdoor grades

zswan wrote:Speculating on when the 3rd edition of the Rumney Guidebook is coming out. j/k Ward we love you!

I'd also like to add:

- Being a Conway climber and pretending you've never been to Rumney.

- Having gear on your rack that your dad climbed on.

- Seeking the cheapest, worst condition, used gear you can for the outing, knowing that it is not as good as new, but insisting that it may as well be.

- Insisting that it is always sport climbing season, even in January.

- Insisting that it is always bouldering season, even Pawtuckaway in June.

The crux of east-coast climbing is often denying the seasons and conditions at all times. I'm looking at you "Ice Climbers" right now.

Your car has high miles due to the four hour drive outta the city to the crag.

You've wandered around in the Adirondacks looking for what you read in Adk Rock.

An entire season of ski passes on your Spyder jacket

Thinking you're a local b/c three weekends a year you drive 6 hours to a second home

You're related to the guy who still skis in jeans and rear entry boots

Your idea of wilderness is the MWV.

When it snows 3 inches you tell everyone "it's tits deep"

Packed powder is a fancy term for groomed ice pellets

You put your crampons on at the parking lot.

You've skied in the rain in January with a trash bag for a jacket

You still climb on 50m ropes

You bought 70m ropes but still use the guidebook belays

Any cliff over 150ft is multipitch

As a long time East Coast climber-

You KNOW how to remove lichen..not like these pansy-ass western types who think about the lichens' feelings.

Lead bolting isn't just an old school, dumb ass idea. it's how you climb f/a's

Footwork on crack climbs is more important than jams AND

RP's are the first think that goes on the rack

Jake Jones wrote:Full on 5.11c opposing double gaston of 5.9 hand crack.

hah! that's how i did the crux of my first ever outdoor follow! (second crux of Shockley's Ceiling, as i remember it)

Your anxious to do climbs at cannon before they fall off.

Bill Kirby wrote: Your car has high miles due to the four hour drive outta the city to the crag. You've wandered around in the Adirondacks looking for what you read in Adk Rock.

232,000 on the cummins, and counting!

cms829 wrote: 232,000 on the cummins, and counting!

That makes me sad!!! I sold mine with 217,000 miles of trouble free love. I decided on buying a new one. Now I have an over complex machine that costs me 700 bones/month for the next three years.

Enjoy that truck..

- You schedule your Ground Up FA attempts on the dry days, not because of the better friction, but because the rock tripe comes off easier....

- In winter, rain in the forecast make you smile, cuz that ice is gonna be plastic!