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The Best Route Names
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Jun 8, 2016
A good route name can add a star to the quality of the route, so they say. I'm inclined to agree.

(Yes, bad route names are bad. If you feel like perpetrating necrophiliac equestrian abuse regarding the topic of route censorship, kindly lend your opinions to threads that have already gone there).

What are some of the best names you've come across? Some categories for starters:

Literary References:
- Farewell to Arms (Gunks, Hemingway)
- Apes of Wrath (Durango, Steinbeck)
- Climb and Punishment (at least six crags, Dostoevsky)

- Astro Dog (Black Canyon. FA party found a pooch corpse at the base of the South Rim tourist overlook)
- Boogie til you [Poop] (Squamish. Climber discovers miracle cure for constipation).

General Badassery:
- Finger of Fate (Fishers)
- Epinephrine (Red Rocks)
- Jumar of Flesh (J-Tree)
- Pervertical Sanctuary (Diamond)
Fritz N.
From Durango, CO
Joined Mar 14, 2012
50 points
Jun 8, 2016
Pick a page in the Ten Sleep guidebook, read any route name, write down here.

Personal Fave: The Zen and Art of Masturbation in the RRG
From Colorado
Joined Dec 17, 2010
10 points
Jun 8, 2016
The Dentist's Chair, Vedauwoo plantmandan
From Brighton, CO
Joined Sep 24, 2010
0 points
Jun 8, 2016
Shut The Fuck Up, Ten Sleep Nick Ducker
Joined Apr 22, 2013
0 points
Jun 8, 2016
Save Planet, Kill Yourself; Geyikbairi, Turkey simplyput
Joined Nov 30, 2013
0 points
Jun 8, 2016
Wichita Wildlife Refuge has one named Wiffle Dick. I laugh every time I hit that page in the guidebook. Henry Holub
From Altus, Ok
Joined Nov 6, 2015
375 points
Jun 8, 2016
Literary Reference-
-Summer of our Discount Tent (Bridgers, MT)

Historical Reference
-Buster Cattlefield (Devils Tower, WY)

General Badassery
-Bitch Muscle (Story Range, WY)
-Billie Bear Cranks the Rad (Devils Tower, WY)
-Blotter is my Spotter (Devils Tower, WY)
-Dead Children's Glee Club (Spire Rock, MT)
-Spotted Owl Sandwich (Southfork, WY)
Jason Todd
From Cody, WY
Joined Apr 21, 2012
543 points
Jun 8, 2016
My favorite out of the Creek is "Full Moon, Good Drugs"

And yes, Tensleep elevates the standards for route names.
Garrett R.
From Colorado
Joined Oct 27, 2008
35 points
Jun 8, 2016
Literary References and Backstory - "Goats in the Machine" (Hidden Valley, Jasper National Park, Alberta) Lee Green
From Edmonton, Alberta
Joined Nov 24, 2011
50 points
Jun 9, 2016
Epinephrine at Red Rocks has a backstory. From Handren's guide, story written by Joanne Urioste, one of the FAs:

Suddenly, Jorge [Urioste] was yelling down to me that he was having trouble breathing, that an insect bite was causing an allergic reaction. Systematically, I lowered him and we rappelled the 1000-plus feet to the ground. I peered into his throat, which was now mostly blocked by a tongue swollen to triple its normal size. With no possibility of rescue, we continued hiking slowly to the truck, our only viable possibility. By the time Jorge arrived at the ER in Vegas, he could hardly breathe. He could have collapsed in the desert and died. A shot of epinephrine quickly stopped that swelling and soon our worries were over. That night we hiked back to our camp in Black Velvet Canyon, by moonlight. The next day at 12:45 PM we were jugging the fixed lines to finish the pitch. The name for this route had to be "Epinephrine"!
Ben Stabley
From Portland, OR
Joined Sep 7, 2014
88 points
Jun 9, 2016
Nice Jugs, Durango Few if any jugs on the route but the FA had some massive knockers

Rookie Hook, Durango FA took a pretty big whip while drilling after blowing a hook

Crash Position, T-wall Climb this route and you will understand. Especially if you're a budding 5.9+ leader.
eli poss
From Durango, Co
Joined May 9, 2014
136 points
Jun 9, 2016
Backstory: The Professor Falls (Banff ice climb). The falls aren't named Professor Falls, but is named for a professor who took a fall on the first ascent of the route. Markuso
From Fernie
Joined Jan 5, 2016
50 points
Jun 9, 2016
Armed dangerous and off my medication, Rumny.
We put up a few at Deer Leap Vt. that are a neat theam with a good back story.
Wild Woman
Full Monty
Lick Tickel and a Spank
Nick Goldsmith
From Pomfret VT
Joined Aug 23, 2009
15 points
Jun 9, 2016
"Science Friction"

"The hardest climb in the world" because we wanted to say we climbed the hardest climb in the world.
climber pat
From Las Cruces, NM
Joined Feb 5, 2006
185 points
Jun 9, 2016
'Float Like a Butterfly, Land Like a Tomato',Lake Willoughby.

I like a bunch of mine, most of them pretty profane, but especially

'T'Arete's Syndrome', a sharp 11+ arete at Burnett Point, TN that requires extreme body tension the entire way to avoid barn dooring off, and everyone who has ever been on it blurts "F**k, f**k, f**k" the whole way.
Jim Corbett
Joined Sep 19, 2008
10 points
Jun 9, 2016
Out of all the ones mentioned so far I think Blotter is my Spotter is my personal favorite. Looks like a wild ride too. Mike Hazard
Joined Mar 8, 2015
90 points
Jun 9, 2016
In the Owen's River Gorge, there's a route with the following name:

You have been nothing but trouble since the day I laid eyes on you; You’'re like a thorn in my side; I don'’t know from one day to the next what stupid lame brain stunt you’'re gonna pull; Now get out of here, get out of my office, get out of my life, once and for all get out, out, out!
Ryan Nevius
From Estes Park, Colorado
Joined Dec 29, 2010
824 points
Jun 9, 2016
Ride a Cock Horse, NB Canada Theriault
From Quebec, Quebec
Joined Apr 13, 2011
168 points
Jun 9, 2016
also, good little story, old aid route Called "Vagina", name changed to "J'ai Volé ta Blonde" when it got freed

NB Canada
From Quebec, Quebec
Joined Apr 13, 2011
168 points
Jun 9, 2016
Passport To Insanity - The Grampians, Australia

Mike Knight
From Canton, Mi
Joined Dec 24, 2013
0 points
Jun 9, 2016
Tomb of the Unknown Homo - Devils Lake

There are a ton of great ones from the Extremists Guide.
Seth Jones
From New Lenox, IL
Joined Feb 17, 2015
5 points
Jun 9, 2016
Blowjob Slab - Welsford, NB Dom
From New Brunswick Canada
Joined Dec 8, 2007
1,075 points
Jun 9, 2016
Shit or Go Blind - GUNKS
10000 Restless Virgins - GUNKS
Dicks Prick - GUNKS
Cophrolagia (sp?) - GUNKS
Joined Jun 3, 2013
0 points
Jun 9, 2016
Drop, Fly, or Die in the Adirondacks at the Spider's Web would fit into the category of general badassery I think.
Mike Hazard
Joined Mar 8, 2015
90 points
Jun 9, 2016
Spanky's Quest for the Nectar Hole, 10c - Smith Rock, OR Jake C
Joined Dec 22, 2015
0 points
Jun 9, 2016
Big Wall Greg's Chicken Shack, Jackson Falls. No idea why, just a great name. DrugDoc
From Dix, IL
Joined Jul 10, 2013
0 points

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