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hiding gear purchases from a girlfriend
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Aug 8, 2012
OK, serious/honest answer coming here.
Either she is legitimately concerned about gear purchases, or she isn't.
1) If you are having trouble making ends meet and there are unintended consequences due to your purchases that would indicate that you are truly gear-obsessed, then marry her. You need a referee and she knows you are nutty but is willing to try to help. That's saying a lot. So... Are you a Leo?

2) If she is just nagging about your finances, but is actually incorrect, then she has a jealousy problem, a control problem, or is perhaps a miscreant with a lack of proper social boundaries. So talk to her about it to remind her that it's YOUR business and not causing any problems. If she can't get the point, then she's not ready for a serious relationship yet anyway. Maybe she'll learn in time, but is it your job to teach her? People grow up when they are ready.
3) If you've got it all wrong and she's got it right, but you think it is #2 when it is actually #1... don't worry. You'll piss her right off and she'll leave you - which is fine, since you are the one not ready for a serious relationship.

A person has to be ready to own their individual problems.
Tony B
From Around Boulder, CO
Joined Jan 1, 2001
21,610 points
Aug 8, 2012
Rob Gordon wrote:
Why do you need a girlfriend? Strippers cost less money and never do anything but act like they love you.

Mike Dudley
From Vegas
Joined Nov 28, 2008
110 points
Aug 8, 2012
or maybe she is hiding something from you? Darren Mabe
From Flagstaff, AZ
Joined Dec 12, 2002
2,810 points
Aug 8, 2012
Forgiveness vs permission is the key. But that has a limited shelf life as well. Keny Glasscock
From Salt Lake City
Joined Sep 20, 2011
5 points
Aug 8, 2012
Matt N wrote:
When your girlfriend gets jealous of your rack, it may be time to upgrade hers.

Ding Ding Ding! WINNER!

Of course you don't pay for this, you gotta save money to buy gear!
From Denver, co
Joined Sep 3, 2009
0 points
Aug 8, 2012
Mike Belu wrote:
...Are there support groups?

No but you will have plenty of time to start one after, well, you will find out.
From Salt Lake City, Ut
Joined Jul 18, 2011
25 points
Sep 14, 2012
Maybe co-op storage units so you and your friends could all hide your gear together. Get a single guy to put the unit in his name. Jerry C.
From Cathedral City, Ca
Joined Sep 8, 2008
0 points
Sep 15, 2012
killis is right, but you're not just going to start a new day with that ethos, you'll have to work toward it.

in the meantime, don't be afraid to adopt the attitude of "being bummed out about the necessity of having to shell out the cash for gear even though you don't really want to because it's for safety and you're life depends on it."

wife (in a tone slightly sharper than merely conversational)- "what's that?"

me (as if there is nothing un-obvious about anything) - "what's what? oh that? it's that new belay device i had to get."

her (spoken as if to a three year old that she is reprimanding for the 10th time) "I thought you already had two?"

me (bummed out and dejected because life isn't fair) "well, I have my main one and a backup just in case, and the main one was starting to show some premature wear and I just thought that since my life and my partners life depend on all this dumb gear I should go ahead and replace it before it fails on me. I'm actually a little pissed because I had to go spend $30 on this thing. You know baby, I just really wish these gear companies would make stuff that lasts a little longer. But, you know, safety first."

Joined Sep 5, 2011
90 points
Sep 15, 2012
You could also turn your bed into bunk beds for more room for activities. Robin like the bird
From mountain center ,CA
Joined Jun 17, 2008
110 points
Sep 15, 2012
sell her-think of how much gear you could buy with all that money.

climbing>girlfriend. ESPECIALLY the nagging kind that doesn't understand why gear is important to climbers.
Avi Katz
Joined Sep 8, 2010
130 points
Sep 15, 2012
The secret is to have climbing bring money IN. Make it a self-sustaining hobby. Chris Owen
From Big Bear Lake
Joined Jan 1, 2002
9,428 points
Sep 15, 2012
Don't let a girl friend stand in the way of your happiness. Scott McMahon
From Boulder, CO
Joined Feb 15, 2006
105 points
Jan 27, 2013
Scott McMahon wrote:
Don't let a girl friend stand in the way of your happiness.


By the way, any progress? Or is she still coming down on you for buying gear?
Brian Hudson
From Hickory, NC
Joined Dec 10, 2010
50 points
Jan 27, 2013
Steve M wrote:
Your new standard answer: Oh that old thing? I can't even remember how long ago I bought that. Then start rummaging through your gear bin telling stories about when you fell on what piece of pro, she'll wander off in no time. Oh, and have it shipped to your work.

Jon Zucco
From Denver, CO
Joined Aug 15, 2008
40 points
Jan 27, 2013
Brian Hudson wrote:
This. By the way, any progress? Or is she still coming down on you for buying gear?

She's actually been awesome. We live together and are basically married. I was buying a lot over a few months to fill out my trad rack, and also alpine stuff for a trip to Bolivia this year. I explained it was needed for safety and there were good sales, so she gets it.

I got the stuff I needed, so now my buying frenzy should be over. Unless I see a really good sale....
Mike Belu
From Indianapolis, IN
Joined Jun 3, 2012
35 points
Jan 27, 2013
Find balance and harmony in your relationship by creating the opportunity for her to purchase or experience something in line with what we get out of climbing.
Might not have to be a ring- girls weekend on you? a new blender/ipod/whatever your chick digs...

That way you've got the ammo("remember that one time") when you really need it (see: new rope, set, trip to Thailand) but really, you're both getting your materialistic/recreational needs met!
Mr. Holmes
From Cascade West
Joined Dec 6, 2010
0 points
Jan 29, 2013
If you can't hide gear purchases how do you ever expect to hide an affair? GhaMby Eagan
From Heaven
Joined Oct 2, 2006
130 points
Jan 29, 2013
Better hide your browser history when viewing the female climber pictures thread, too, brah. Stich
From Colorado Springs, Colorado
Joined Jan 1, 2001
1,230 points
Jan 29, 2013
Smarty Ports/Shants wrote:
Classy! +1000 for just spending the time finding common ground and learning to live and let live. Fortunately my obsessive climbing thing is part of my charm according to the missus. Shelled out for a used double ledge and she didn't blink an eye, just told me to get it out of the living room once I figured out how to put it together. Hiding shit is a good indicator that you aren't headed towards trust and comfort in your old age. Knowing that your significant other has your back in spite of your myriad failings is the foundation of long term happiness. And vice versa, I'd add.

this is the only advice that needs to be given in this thread.
also: to the guy above with the belay devices, stop buying them. they havent changed appreciably in 20 years or something, you shouldnt be having to justify a new belay device.

If it's becoming this much of a relationship issue, redirect your gear obsession and occasionally come home with stuff to make a nice dinner and a fancy bottle of wine or something, she will appreciate it (you should too) and it won't seem like "me me me" so much. Plus I would wager dollars to donuts you could all use a little more wine.
Joined Apr 23, 2009
20 points

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