Mountain Project Logo

satirical musings about eastern climbers

BigB · · Red Rock, NV · Joined Feb 2015 · Points: 340

Post the same things over and over....
more cow bell posts...please!

christoph benells · · tahoma · Joined Nov 2014 · Points: 306
Chris Graham wrote: gaiters
gaiters...
christoph benells · · tahoma · Joined Nov 2014 · Points: 306

back to the floppy half full 70l mid 90's ems pack...

has several patches ironed on, usually including Dave Matthews Band/ Phish and something concerning the earth mother or a sun with a face in it and swirly flames coming off.

also a loose head band/buff thing with african type print holding back semi long wavy hair.

christoph benells · · tahoma · Joined Nov 2014 · Points: 306
DavisMeschke Guillotine · · Pinedale, WY · Joined Oct 2013 · Points: 225

Fuckin Christ this is good... How about wearing glacier glasses as sunglasses ALL THE TIME. You never know when you'll have to make that quick flash of Starshine mid-summer. That thing comes in at weird times.

Or proudly putting out "50 Classic Climbs of North America" and "Southern Fried Ice" even though there aren't any classic climbs or ice anywhere within 400 miles of you.

john strand · · southern colo · Joined May 2008 · Points: 1,640

You scrubbed so much lichen of a climb, the base gets much higher.

You have worn crampons to do a steep , leaf covered approach

Bill Kirby · · Keene New York · Joined Jul 2012 · Points: 480

The first time you bag a peak out west you compare the trail to the carriage road at the bottom of the Trapps.

Rockanice · · New York · Joined Jun 2013 · Points: 305

So addicted to Eastern forums that "RR" brings to mind Ranger Rob instead of Royal Robbins

Chris Graham · · Bartlett, NH · Joined Jun 2008 · Points: 545
DavisMeschke wrote:Fuckin Christ this is good... How about wearing glacier glasses as sunglasses ALL THE TIME. You never know when you'll have to make that quick flash of Starshine mid-summer.
Dude....the sun always shines in the land of the cool!!! :P :)
Lisa Haze · · Las Vegas, NV · Joined Nov 2014 · Points: 35
Russ Keane wrote:"This would be a classic if it were longer" truly.... this is the essential east coast phrase
Haha! That's what she said!
Eric D · · Gnarnia · Joined Nov 2006 · Points: 235

The belief that taking lead falls on gear is dangerous. Always, no matter what, no matter the length of the fall.

GabeO · · Boston, MA · Joined May 2006 · Points: 302

Lots of great stuff! Here's a couple:

- Opening a guidebook is an invitation for all the hordes to descend on you to spew unwanted beta all over you before you even put your bag down.

- You figure you can beat the heat in the summer by climbing a classic in the Gunks by moonlight, and find you still have to take a number to climb it... and then you get rappellers dropping rocks on your head (at midnight).

GO

Derek Jf · · Northeast · Joined Feb 2012 · Points: 335
Russ Keane wrote:"This would be a classic if it were longer" truly.... this is the essential east coast phrase
Yep. Perpetually trying to picture em if they were tall enough to ride the same roller coaster as the west coast kids...

Pound Crack, V1 boulder
"...Start on the obvious holds in the crack, use the block for feet and motor through the low crux to the jug, and a few hand jams later you'll be wishing that it went on for 100+ more feet and you had a rope on."

Space Shuttle, 5.9 finger crack
"...enjoy sweet laybacking and finger-locking up the corner and if you close your eyes and dream you might believe its a hundred feet long but when you open your eyes the sweet section is still about 25 feet long."

Fucking the Dog, 5.10d face
"If this route could only continue for another 100 feet!! In just 50 short feet, this route packs a collective punch... It is very easy to become addicted to this route's exquisite flow!"
christoph benells · · tahoma · Joined Nov 2014 · Points: 306
youtube.com/watch?v=P31nhHA…

you lead "waterfall Rappelling" trips and think you're a legitimate mountain guide.

nemountaineering.com/rappel…
djh860 · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Dec 2014 · Points: 110

Half your gear is chouirnard and the slings are original

Eric Chabot · · Salt Lake City, UT · Joined Jul 2011 · Points: 45

A climb isn't complete if it doesn't go to the top of the cliff (walk off descent is mandatory)

M Mobley · · Bar Harbor, ME · Joined Mar 2006 · Points: 911
Eric Chabot wrote:A climb isn't complete if it doesn't go to the top of the cliff (walk off descent is mandatory)
complete choss or not damnit!
Steve McCorkel · · Unknown Hometown · Joined Apr 2003 · Points: 246

You know how to climb because you learned it in the boy scouts.

You trip on the 78 feet of brand new, 1 inch webbing daisy chained on your harness.

You've bragged that a swami is all one needs and that leg loops are optional

Russ Keane · · Salt Lake · Joined Feb 2013 · Points: 392

"You have worn crampons to do a steep , leaf covered approach"

hahahahaha nice one John! Laughed out loud. That is so great. That is so New Hampshire right there.

Medic741 · · Des Moines, IA (WTF) · Joined Apr 2012 · Points: 265

When you're topping out an ice climb you're looking for moss patches for that crucial solid stick.

Guideline #1: Don't be a jerk.

Northeastern States
Post a Reply to "satirical musings about eastern climbers"

Log In to Reply

Join the Community

Create your FREE account today!
Already have an account? Login to close this notice.

Get Started.