Porkus Procurement

An OK route but not even in the same league as "Porkfist", more like a "well what do we do now" route. Jan 20, 2002

Well there you go again - more positive comments from you Old Fart - you seem to think highly of so many of the routes at Shelf - so why do you climb here? Apr 1, 2002

As a matter of fact, Shelf is my second favorite place to climb with 237 ticks and counting. I know this pales in comparison to you but I was trying to give an objective opinion on a route that I thought was squeezed and lacked the continuity of "Pork Fist" or the great bolting on "Stinkfinger" (thanks for the name) or the fun nature of Lumina. It's funny you didn't mention that you agreed with my comments on any of these routes. If you would like to take the time to read all of my comments on Shelf you would see that the VAST majority of my reviews are positive but if I get on a route and I don't like it for whatever reason aren't the user's of this site entitled to an opinion that is different than yours? Apr 1, 2002

I am new to this internet deal.At first I thought this websight was pretty cool ,but the more I read on this sight the more I do not like it.This is because of people like you that write in negative comments.If you do not like the route keep it to yourself . I like your positive comments .And you are right most of your comments are positive but it is the negative ones that are useless.I also feel that if you are going to criticize you should do so with your real identity and not rely on the internet to give you courage enough to write your opinions. So lets all write in the good comments and keep the bad ones to ourselves. Apr 2, 2002

Dear MR. BOHN,

I just read your newest on Slabbeth, thanks for letting us know who you really are. You might not care but this gives me more respect for you and your opinions. By the way I read almost all of your comments.Thanks for all the positive information.

Sincerely, Pat Thompson Apr 2, 2002

My name is David E. Bohn ! I have been climbing since '69 so I guess that would qualify me as an "Od Fart" but I wasn't in the least bit crusty until the last few days!!! Every guide book on the market now uses a "Star" system to denote "Quality" from no stars to 3,4,or 5 and the Yosemite Decimal System to denote difficulty,(do they have "Sport Routes" up El Cap?). Who decides what the quality or difficulty of a route is, as if this is even definable. How can "Lost Planet Airmen" jump from a 10d to an 11c over the last 3 guide books or "Minimum Security' drop from a 12a to an 11c ? Why does Mike have a star system in this guide? Every guide book writer who attempts to quantify a route is passing on their own judgment. So what makes their opinion more relevent then anyone else's especially when they're rating their own climbs!! Can't they handle a differing opinion? In the past, the LAST PLACE I'd look for route information was a guide book; the FIRST PLACE I'd try was to ask everybody I'd known who'd done the route what they'd actually thought! That's all I'm doing here. Let's get to the facts; did I call this a bad route? NO!! I just said there are better routes in the next 50' to choose from "IN MY OPINION". On my personal scale this route would rate 1-1/2 stars. I would give "Enchanted Porkfist" as many stars as possible. The much neglected "Muted by Reality" would get 1/2 star less and "Lumina" and "Stinkfinger" would be one star less. That's my opinion. Hell, I think "Suburbia" is one of the worst routes at Shelf! Kinda like difficulty ratings, depends on the individual. It might be different then a "guide-books" but it's still relevent. Thats why people come here, to get an "HONEST" review. My opinions might be totally off-based but I have no problem with that. My problem is with all those people who can't tolerate an honest discussion and are incapable of hearing an alternate view. I used to set routes at the local gym for over a year for FREE! just for the love of it. Did I ever tell anyone that their opinion on one of my routes wasn't valid because I set it and I liked it and that's the way it is? No, I sucked it up and listened to what EVERYBODY said and went about my life without calling them less then a person just because they didn't like my route and next week I tried even harder to set a route that everybody would like...and again and again. If you are old enough to have Roper's Yosemite guide from 1971 (mines right here all dog-eared) my favorite quote about climbing of all time is on page 210, by Allen Steck: "We do not deceive ourselves that we are engaged in an activity that is anything but debilitating,dangerous,euphoric,kinesthetic,expensive,frivolously essential,economically useless and totally without redeeming social significance. One should not probe for deeper meanings." Why can't modern climbers feel the same way! David E. Bohn aka "Old Fart" and feeling older all the time :_) Apr 2, 2002

I think what Al Steck meant was there is so much more to life than climbing, but life would be so much less without it. Peace. Apr 3, 2002

My name is Vant, Bon V. Vant. I am in the midst of writing the authoritative diatribe on all things climbing. My current voluminous chapter shall delve into the recondite topic of ratings. I humbly accept your questions and inquiries and, through divine intervention, shall provide the last word on such topics as difficulty ratings, star ratings and movie ratings.

While my minutia-plagued exhaustive, and exhausting, tome may cause some to nod, I implore all to persevere. Like the calm before the storm, torpor precedes enlightenment as I unleash my dogma. Before long my infinite wisdom will be yours_blah- blah- blah ad nauseum! Apr 3, 2002

To Patrick: Thank you! Your comment was very much appreciated as I have found myself guilty of the same diatribe's that I was complaining about in the "Black Slabbeth" post. To A.C.#1: Peace. To A.C. #2 aka Bon V. Vont: Thank you very much for your gracious offer to take over as head abitrator for me. My pitiful peckings are no match for your succinct verbage. Besides I need to get out climbing! Apr 4, 2002

And now a comment about the route... pretty easy climbing for the first few bolts, but then the route steepens and the holds thin out above. Quite balancy, but still didn't feel harder than mid-5.10 to me, especially after just climbing Enchanted Porkfist. Fun route. Sep 14, 2004

Anyone know what the crack to the left of Porkus is rated?? Climbed it today and it is stellar! My guess would be 5.8, but it could be easier. Fun little trad route if you are burned out on sport or looking for some variety. May 30, 2006

Nice climb. For me the crux was moving past the third bolt up to the fourth. I haven't climbed Enchanted Porkfist but I will next time I am at Shelf. Sep 25, 2007

An enjoyable route! Felt like 10 b/c to me, and the others in our party. Jul 2, 2008

As of 8/24, there were two Trango wiregate biners hanging on the anchors of this climb. Another party that climbed the route after us may have removed them.
As an FYI to future climbers, the anchors on this route are Metolius Rap Hangers. They look like this:

They are essentially oversized bolt hangers, with a large radius on the bottom so that the rope can run directly through the hanger.
Unlike a normal bolt hanger, which has sharp edges, it is perfectly safe and acceptable to run your rope directly through a Metolius Rap Hanger. There is no need to add biners or any other fixed gear to the anchors of this climb, although this is a common mistake.

As for the difficulty, I think there's several 10c moves, with perhaps one 10d move past the last bolt, if you put your blinders on and don't traverse to the flake out left. The climbing is more enjoyable if you do it that way, too. Aug 25, 2008

A few good moves but certainly not as good as Enchanted Porkfist. Sep 30, 2008

I thought this was very similar in quality and grade as its neighbor, Porkfist - just less sustained, which I suppose is what makes it about a letter grade easier. May 25, 2012