Tying my self worth to climbing

Hi folks, I’ve recently been struggling with attaching my self worth to my climbing accomplishments. This is something that’s come up as I am progressing and climbing harder (and getting validation from others). I’m stoked to be getting stronger but I know that basing my worth on how hard I climb is not healthy or sustainable long term. I’m curious for others who have also had this problem, how did you go about changing this mindset? I’ve been reading The Rock Warrior’s Way, but I’m just wondering what specific things have worked for you? Thanks!

I've been climbing for coming up on 49 years. It's quite possibly the most selfish sport out there.

I recommend basing your self worth on what you do for others. That's the best part of life....making someone else's life extraordinary.

My mindset changed when I had my first real injury. I had a pinched nerve that led to muscle weakness on my whole left side and I went from climbing 5.12 to not being able to clip draws on 5.10. The first time I recovered in 3 weeks.  Now it’s been 6 months since the second time it happened and I still don’t have all my strength back in my left tricep and shoulder  

Climbing is supposed to be fun. In the end, it doesn’t really matter what grade you climb. If you’re enjoying yourself, who cares? I applied that mindset when I first got my injury, and have applied it since. I like going out with friends and having a good time in a beautiful place. Grade doesn’t really play into the equation anymore. I still set goals for myself and have certain objectives I’d like to try, but it doesn’t dictate why I climb or if it’s worthwhile.

Aspirations of climbing a harder grade can sometimes be like wanting a fancy new car or a bigger house. It won’t make you a better person or magically make you happy.  

It also helps to have other interests. With my injury, I took up photography and learning a new language. Life isn’t all about climbing and no one really cares that deeply about your climbing accomplishments.

TLDR: Have fun out there and don’t take it too seriously. 

Dean Rosnau wrote:

I've been climbing for coming up on 49 years. It's quite possibly the most selfish sport out there.

I recommend basing your self worth on what you do for others. That's the best part of life....making someone else's life extraordinary.

Something like this - climbing is what you do to push the world out of your head and as they put it in Valley Uprising - it's selfish and useless. Self-worth should be based on your feelings about yourself in a holistic manner and the things you put into your day to day.
Send or don't, it doesn't impact anything. 

find something more positive to tie your self worth to...

i judge myself based on how many M&Ms i can consume in a single sitting. never been happier ;)

curt86iroc wrote:

find something more positive to tie your self worth to...

i judge myself based on how many M&Ms i can consume in a single sitting. never been happier ;)

I'm disappointed in this, as based on your name I'd expect self worth to be based on how bad ass your mullet is and how sweet your burnout was. 

Casey J wrote:

I'm disappointed in this, as based on your name I'd expect self worth to be based on how bad ass your mullet is and how sweet your burnout was. 

Well…it’s an 86.    M&Ms is a better choice. 

but to OP, I’d look at what started you down the climbing/self worth correlations in the first place and how and with whom you are climbing currently.   The modern version of Instagram and numbers chasing is a Ponzi scheme doomed to fail.  Placing your own value in the reflection of the judgements of others.    As others have stated, climbing is purely a meaningless (in the greater scheme of things) hobby that should only give you stress free pleasure (when not scaring the shit out of yourself).

Take a page from the original counterculture dirtbags who had their own issues, to be sure, but more or less tried to tune their soul with climbing, not their worth.   And give the middle finger to any perceived “importance” of climbing “hard” as proposed by pompous poseurs and influencers.  

You own climbing, climbing doesn’t own you.  

1. Climbing is just a small part of you. There's nothing wrong with enjoying some positive feedback, being proud of your accomplishments, and using for added motivation, but that's just about climbing which is really just a fun activity we pursue. It's fine as long as you don't overdo it and start sacrificing other parts of your life to climb better or take added risks 2. Don't measure yourself against others. Measure against yourself. If you climb a letter grade higher than you did before that means you improved which is great, it doesn't matter what anyone else does, none of use are out climbing Adam Ondra. 3. the fact that you're recognizing this and asking about it means you'll likely be fine, it's the people who have no awareness I worry about.

curt86iroc wrote:

find something more positive to tie your self worth to...

i judge myself based on how many M&Ms i can consume in a single sitting. never been happier ;)

peanut, or regular M&Ms?

For me, I'm motivated to push my personal grade/difficulty boundary and that's a big part of the sport that I love. The solution isn't just "try easier stuff and have fun" because trying hard is really fun and rewarding. It does become frustrating sometimes though.

One big lesson I learned last year by trying hard-for-me boulders all season is to try to shift the focus of your attempts on a hard route. When I found myself focusing on sending, I would struggle more with attaching my abilities for the day to my mood or how I felt about the day. After realized that didn't feel great, I have slowly learned to shift the mental focus of my attempts on climbs elsewhere.

The thing that works for me is focusing on climbing well. If it's a route that you've tried, know your beta and commit to it. For me, by focusing on executing the beta properly rather than focusing on sending, I feel like I accomplished something even if I fall, as long as I execute the climb as I planned on. It sort of shifts the emotion from "dang, I was so close, I should have sent" to "that was a really good attempt and I was close, I just need to keep putting in the work".

Additionally, having something you learned each day that you can take away makes it feel more successful. Whether you learned better beta on your project, or made more links on the route compared to prior tries, or learned how to rest. There's almost always something positive to learn. Even if that thing has a negative connotation, like "I climbed poorly today because I wasn't well rested". There's always something to reflect on that could be better next time. For me, that feels positive overall and has helped with not attaching my climbing ability on a particular day to how I feel for the day. 

According to the logic of only the best is worthy, > There is at most one best climber in the world.  So all other climbers have no value.

However, even at a personal level with no comparison to others,  > participating in any sport there will be the first era where you continue to get better, a second era where you mostly plateau, and a third era of decline (at least in physical ability).

Brooks K wrote:

TLDR: Have fun out there and don’t take it too seriously. 

Exactly ... in the big scheme of things all you have accomplished (or not) is to climb a rock. Who cares???

Anahita J wrote:

Hi folks, I’ve recently been struggling with attaching my self worth to my climbing accomplishments. This is something that’s come up as I am progressing and climbing harder (and getting validation from others). I’m stoked to be getting stronger but I know that basing my worth on how hard I climb is not healthy or sustainable long term. I’m curious for others who have also had this problem, how did you go about changing this mindset? I’ve been reading The Rock Warrior’s Way, but I’m just wondering what specific things have worked for you? Thanks!

Hey Anahita, just wanted to chime in and say that as someone who's also struggled with that validation piece, while climbing and the outdoors are a great medium, what really helped me was therapy. If you want to keep it outdoor-centric, the AAC has a list of practitioners who are also part of the climbing/outdoor community. 

"The best climber, is the one having the most fun."

* can also apply to surfers - but I objectively surf better than that kook on a soft-top 

An overused trope: 'best' climber, surfer, musician etcetera... The one enjoying themselves most 

Everything else is derivate 

Pretty normal to get caught up in stuff like this the first few years as you're improving rapidly, if you feel this way after 5 or 10 years you may need some help.

Brooks K wrote:

My mindset changed when I had my first real injury. 

Yep. Once you're injured-- and I mean an injury that completely derails your life and takes climbing out of the picture for at least a year-- things come into focus. And the frivolousness of that new number really becomes apparent. 

OP: try some super fun days of insane volume outside versus your try-hard routes. 

This will probably be an unpopular opinion on a climbing forum full of heathens. 

As a life-long, "devout" atheist, who came to God 3 years ago, I have found the only meaningful thing to tie your self-worth into is the idea that you were created by something greater than yourself, you exist inside of a plan(even if you don't always understand it) and that your life's work is to become the person you were created to be. Sometimes it's glaringly obvious what that means and how it should direct your life, and other times you'll have to claw, tooth and nail, through tragedy and heartbreak, to get a crumb of the truth you're working toward. 

All of the other stuff, centering exercises, "being mindful and present," meditation, yoga, and any of the new-age, recycled spirtuality that people fall into when they feel things like this, ultimately points you inward, and not outward. Climbing is an activity, it can become a career, it can guide your life, it could be a sport that you quit one day, or something you do casually for the rest of your days, but between sending that next 5.11, 5.12, v6,7,10,13 or figuring out and becoming the person God created you to be, it's obvious which of those things holds significantly more meaning. 

Even if it's all nonsense, it seems the happiest, most joyful, and peaceful people I know live as if this is true, so maybe there's something to it after all. You're 21, it's way too early for existential climbing dread to strike haha

I was rather miffed by my lack of fitness coming back from COVID lockdowns, but then I started diving down the rabbit hole of learning more technical skills.  That helped change a lot of my mindset around climbing.  Now, how hard I can pull and what grades I can climb are just factors that help give me more options of things I can do and places I can go, more opportunities to have fun.  I don't climb hard things, and that's OK.  The strength is a means to an end, not a goal in and of itself.

My take: climbing can absolutely play a role in self-worth. 

Here's a truth I suspect: tying one self to competitive grade is not tying oneself to climbing. Easier said than done and yet all climbers, every last one, will traverse the same ground of declining ability. Let go of the grades, really let go of them. And let the worth of the climbing have its own say in your life. And that say, may be nothing. Perhaps there is nothing left. But perhaps.... perhaps it will be everything. I say, keep searching.

Think less. Climb more.